Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

Like the Discover card, Roger Clemens isn’t welcome on the U.S. Olympic baseball team.

U.S. general manager Bob Watson said Wednesday that he isn’t considering the 45-year-old right-hander for his roster for the Beijing Games.

“From my standpoint, we don’t need that type of distraction,” Watson said. “I have not talked to the commissioner. I have not talked to [MLB chief operating officer] Bob DuPuy, nor have I talked to his agent, but I just think the distraction that he’s carrying right now, from my standpoint, we don’t need that.”

At the U.S. Olympic team media summit last month, Watson was quoted as saying Clemens wasn’t “on my radar screen” because of his performance at the end of last season. On Wednesday, however, Watson said “distraction” was an issue, too.

I agree. Do not let Clemons on the roster. He will only make the U.S look worse in the eyes of all the other countries. And here’s how:

• He would test positive for Roids, then blame the results on something ridiculous like the testers “misremembering” how to spell his name
• He could get in trouble by cheating on his wife with a 15 year old asian girl.
• He could face serious trouble for perjuring himself to the Chinese authorities by saying he did nothing wrong, but will only apologize for making “mistakes” Wonder if he will buy the girls dad some golf clubs? Maybe buy her mom a wok?

However a plus could be that they could film Dateline NBC “To Catch a Predator” live from Beijing and have some cops run out and tackle Clemens on the pitchers mound.

Despite the fact that the Olympics have become somewhat of a political laughing stock for the athletic community over the past few years the right and privilege to compete for ones country still means a great deal to most/many of the athletes involved, to think that as a country at this point in time the United States of America could not find ANYONE better to represent our country on the baseball diamond is ridiculous. In addition to his declined performance the end of last season and his age Roger has disgraced himself, his family, his friends, his teammates, MLB, and the entire sport of baseball, steroids were the smallest factor in all of this mind you. Roger Clemens true personality has shown through the past few months and he would be a despicably horrible choice for the United States to send to Beijing as an athletic representative for our country.

Plus he slept with John Daly’s fat & disgusting ex-wife.

Another school from the third world state of Bama has been hit with some major NCAA infractions. Nope it’s not big brother Bama it’s little bitch sister Alabama State.

The NCAA has accused Alabama State University of 24 rules violations, alleging widespread use of ineligible players, grade changes and recruiting misdeeds and charging the school with lack of institutional control.

For nearly five freaking years this little unknown school committed anywhere from 500 to 668 rules violations. No shit. You can read it here. Fortunately the Alabama State Whatever the Hell They’re Called exceeded the number of the beast (Saban) by two.

The alleged violations occurred from 1999-2003 and most involved the football program, including the participation of 25 players who were ineligible because they hadn’t completed the required percentage of coursework toward their degrees.

The NCAA charged Alabama State with lack of institutional control, particularly within the football program, and said coaches, athletes, faculty and administrators were not properly educated on NCAA rules.

Head football coach L.C. Cole, who is charged in five of the allegations, was shit-canned and the university self-reported a number of violations in August 2003.

The NCAA said Cole “failed to maintain an atmosphere of compliance in the program” and named him in five violations, including improper contact with two recruits at a restaurant and with the mother of another player who was at the University of Tennessee.

That’s right Tennessee. What happen was there was a highly recruited running back that played his high school in Montgomery that signed on to play at University of Tennessee. The player was disgruntled and was inquiring about transferring to another school. One of the Alabama State coaches was said to have been contacted by the player’s mother about him possibly transferring to Alabama State after one of his high school teammates did the same thing when he transferred from the University of Arkansas. It was said that the coach was working along with the mother to try to bring the player to ASU while he was still on scholarship at UT. The bastard.

“I don’t have any comment about it,” said Cole, now coaching in the Canadian Football League. “I’ve moved on and whatever comes out of it comes out of it.”

It’s good to see this loser isn’t involved with real football.

Among the allegations:

• The grades of eight football players were changed without the approval of faculty members and administrators.
• “Numerous” athletes were allowed to play, practice and receive financial aid while ineligible in football and men’s and women’s basketball. Fourteen ineligible football players were allowed to participate in a total of 495 spring workouts or practices.
• Alabama State coaches improperly provided meals, lodging and transportation to prospects and players. Prospects also attended a party at a student-athlete’s apartment that included strippers, and were given money for tips.

This just in…… Kelvin Sampson will be accepting the position of head men’s basketball coach at Alabama State University. No word on whether Barry Switzer is considering the football position or not yet… stay tuned

The NCAA indicated that the Committee on Infractions will hear Alabama State’s case during its Aug. 8-10 session. Thomas said the university would meet the June 27 deadline for a response.

“The aim of the university is to respond and cooperate as fully as possible with the NCAA,” he said.

With all that cheating, you would think that the programs might have SOME success, but alas, no.

Any chance they just put this program out of its misery? Or is the Death Penalty really dead?

Someday Alabama State will be this good…keep trying….

You know I like to have fun with this blog. I enjoy making fun of the world of sports, its teams and its players. However what Darrion Scott did isn’t a matter to be made fun of. In fact I find him to be lower than Michael Vick.

Former Vikings defensive lineman Darrion Scott was charged with assaulting his 2-year-old son last week by holding a plastic dry cleaning bag over the kicking and crying boy’s head in his Eden Prairie townhome.

Scott is charged with felony assault in the third degree, felony domestic assault by strangulation and misdemeanor endangerment of a child.

According to the criminal complaint: The boy’s mother heard the child’s muffled cries and found Scott, who is 6-3 and 290 pounds, holding the bag over the boy’s head on April 26. She said the boy was on his back on the floor, his legs kicking and that Scott was holding the bag tightly around the boy’s neck.

Lovely story. How else should a 290-lb man subdue a 25-lb kid? I’m sure the kid started it.

There’s really no facts needed to why you had a bag over the head of a 2 year old. Even is he thought this was “fun”, it’s still dangerous and sick. But maybe I’m different. Maybe because my parents didn’t put a bag over my head I don’t know what fun is anymore..

She told police she had evidence of previous injuries while the child was in Scott’s care. A doctor who examined the boy said there is a reasonable degree of medical certainty that marks on the boy’s arm and ear were intentionally inflicted and were consistent with either burning or being struck.

Scott, 26, told police the two were playing with the bag, and he wanted to see if the boy could get the bag off his head by himself. Scott was arrested last Wednesday and has been in custody at the Hennepin County jail.

A search of his townhome turned up a loaded .50-caliber handgun in an unlocked bedroom nightstand. The weapon would have been easily accessible to a 2-year-old, the complaint said.

Scott’s agent, Tim DiPiero, said the arrest “a mistake” and said Scott will seek a speedy trial to “prove his innocence.”

In the statement, DiPiero said Scott did not abuse the child involved in the case.

“Anyone who knows Darrion knows him to be a big ‘teddy bear’ type of guy, easygoing and never loud or abrasive,” DiPiero said. “We believe this nightmare is a terrible mistake and that the child has not been abused, at least not by Darrion.”

Scott was a third-round pick in the 2004 draft out of Ohio State & is from Charleston, W.Va., he was cited there for misdemeanor marijuana possession there in December following a traffic stop; Scott was on injured reserve at the time after breaking his foot in October.

If these allegations are proven to be found true I hope he rots in jail for a very long time. In my humble opinion children are this country’s greatest treasure and to harm one is to harm all.

There are so many that don’t deserve children in this world that have them and so many that do deserve them that don’t. A sad fact of life I suppose.

This would surely be the result. Props go to Tim J at work for the photo.

Logan Young Phone Home!!! God said the Behr just beat him in arm wrestling…again

Officials from Commissioner Bud “I’m A Useless Twit” Selig’s office contacted the White Sox on Tuesday to discuss the team’s display of two inflatable dolls in their clubhouse over the weekend in Toronto, but no punishment is expected to be handed down.

Before the Sox played the Blue Jays on Sunday, two inflatable female dolls — one with a bat inserted in its backside, purportedly to prop it up — were in the clubhouse. A ”Let’s Go White Sox” sign adorned one doll, and the other wore a sign reading, ”You’ve Got to Push,” playing off the rah-rah phrase popularized during spring training by third-base coach Jeff Cox. Bats were pointed at the dolls, a move designed to snap the team’s offensive slump.

First, let me get this straight: locker room humor is no longer allowed in the locker room? Nothing says “I’m a man! I’m 40″ like Mike Gundy and blow-up dolls!

Sox general manager Ken Williams expressed disappointment over the display.

“I will assure Major League Baseball that the doll was not violated in any way, shape or form,” Williams said. ”In all seriousness, it is a little bit of a disappointment because we have proactively tried to — and just did so this spring training — organizationally, we brought in some people to discuss a better work environment, whether it’s gender issues or racial issues.”

”I don’t know what a formal apology on behalf of the club is going to do, other than me assuring everyone we are on top of it and we addressed the issue.”

I’m sorry the comment about the doll being violated is pure comedy gold.

Williams had lunch Ozzie Guillen and said Guillen and his coaches would be left to deal with the matter in a way that involves safety pins and possible puncture wounds to the dolls.

Guillen, who stressed he was not behind the display, stood his ground a second consecutive day, insisting he won’t apologize to those who were offended.

”If people feel that way, I respect that,” Guillen said. ”If people think we did something wrong, wow. I’m not going to apologize, I’m not going to say I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I can’t come up with the words because as soon as I say that, that means I’m guilty of something. I’m not guilty.”

I love Ozzie but that was a weak response.

Speculation has centered on Nick Swisher being the instigator behind the display. Asked if he regretted the move, Swisher shot back:

”Why are you saying I did it?”

Later, he pulled a Saban by saying:

”It was meant in a fun way. … It probably was wrong, but if anybody was offended by it, we sincerely apologize.”

Third baseman Joe Crede equated the incident to other ways teams try to snap out of slumps.

”It was in the same sense as guys going up to the bat rack and beating the crap out of the rack,” Crede said. ”Obviously it didn’t come out that way.”

This is a ridiculous to-do about nothing. A few guys can’t have a private joke in a locker room, without people feeling they have a right to an opinion? I don’t even understand the joke - let alone why anyone thinks they have a right to be offended. I’m glad “formal” apologies aren’t being given. It’s time people stop feeling so terribly entitled to their opinions and the right to be offended.

However t he Association for Women in Sports Media voiced its concerns about the White Sox’s antics in an e-mail to the Chicago Sun-Times .

“The presence of those dolls creates an uncomfortable situation for any female journalist who enters the White Sox locker room simply trying to do her job,” Jenni Carlson, the group’s president, wrote this week.

Does that name sound familiar to you? Here’s her photo…she’s the bitch that took personal shots at a amateur athlete who played for Mike Gundy. End result…Mike Gundy is America’s coach….Carlson…is still a whining bitch.

I’m sure most of you have heard the rant that embattled White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen said in a pre-game show over the weekend. Ozzie, while living on that title the White Sox won years ago, goes through these rants every year.

Since Ozzie and I are on the same wave length I’m here to dissect and translate what the rant really says. Here goes:

“Right now everyone in Chicago is making lineups — ‘Call up this guy, call up that guy.’ … If we had 50 people allowed on the roster, we could do that. That’s what ticks me off about Chicago fans and Chicago media: They forget pretty quickly. A couple of days ago we were the [bleeping] best [stuff] in town. Now we’re [bleep],”

What Ozzie really means is: I appreciate everyones concerns regarding the offensive woes we as a club are having. Sometimes it’s discouraging that some fans along with members of the media are so down on this team but please remember it wasn’t that long ago that we won it all and the season is still relatively young.

“We won it a couple years ago, and we’re horse[bleep],” Guillen said, according to the Chicago Tribune. “The Cubs haven’t won in [100] years, and they’re the [bleeping] best. [Bleep] it, we’re good. [Bleep] everybody. We’re horse[bleep], and we’re going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win.

“We are the [bleep] of Chicago. We’re the Chicago [bleep]. We have the worst owner [Jerry Reinsdorf]. The guy’s got seven [bleeping] rings, and he’s the [bleeping] horse[bleep] owner.”

What Ozzie really means is: It’s enthusiastic to see the cross-town rivals such as the Cubs have such great fan support, even though they haven’t won a world title in a very very longtime. We have the most unrated owner in Jerry Reinsdorf and through winning we will someday have such a fan base as the Cubs.

“How about the Cubs celebrating that Lee Elia bull[bleep]? How many times do I curse people out? I will make a lot of money with my [stuff]. I have to keep going because in the future Ozzie will need money, and I can say, ‘Here, give me money, here’s the 10-year anniversary of my time I called [Jay] Mariotti stuff and the time I went on the radio and cursed out Mike North.”

Some background first:

The North incident Guillen referred to is from mid-May 2007, when Guillen called in to North’s Chicago radio show and the two got into a spat (with Guillen providing most of the profanity). And in June 2006, Guillen lashed out at Mariotti — a columnist with the Chicago Sun-Times and referred to Mariotti using a homophobic slur.

What Ozzie really means is: Sometimes my temper gets the best of me. What can I say? I’m human. I’m have a deep respect for North, Mariotti & others in the media. We constantly rag each other publicly like that in good natured fun.

“People are panicking,” Guillen said. “Did we play a real bad week? Yes, we did, we stunk. But it wasn’t too long ago that we were ‘the biggest surprise in baseball, wow, look at the White Sox.’”

What Ozzie really means is: Jesus Christ what the fuck happened? Not that long ago we were awesome and now look. I hate this fucking team. I hate these fucking players. Hey Cubs suck my pecker you still haven’t won a title in a 100 fucking years.

It’s been long said that the MLB Players’ Association have been a major source of baseballs woes. Now they have the audacity to open an investigation into their own free agency practices that Congress would be rather embarrassed to open. Of course the MLBPA actually sent out a memo telling players not to cooperate with the Mitchell investigation.

Page 1 of the memo

Page 2 of the memo

The MLBPA has been investigating for several weeks what has taken place in free agency, in relation to Barroid Bonds, Kenny “Still No Ring” Lofton and other players who have gone unsigned.

LBPA general counsel Michael Weiner, when asked if they were near a resolution, said:

“I really don’t know. We’re still waiting for some information.”

If the MLBPA determines that there is something untoward, it could file a grievance on the issue of collusion at the end of the investigation.

So basically they want to know why Bonds hasn’t been signed yet. Let me help them out I might have an answer.

• Steroids
• Age
• He can’t play the field anymore because of his knees
• He’s an asshole in the clubhouse and to media
• Hitler has a higher approval rating
• His feet smell (Dusty Baker is the one making that claim)

“The union notified us that it was investigating potential collusion regarding Barry Bonds and asked for information, and we told them that there was absolutely no collusion with respect to Barry Bonds or any other free agent,” said Dan Halem, MLB senior vice president and general labor counsel. “We are aware of no facts which would support a collusion claim regarding Bonds or any other free agents.”

Jeff Borris, the agent for Bonds, said:

“No team has made me an offer for any amount at any time since Barry became a free agent. Barry continues to work out,” but when asked about his client’s prospects for this season, he said, “I’m not optimistic that he will be in a major league uniform in 2008.”

Well thank God for that Borris.

Barry Bonds & Lofton aren’t the only big-name players that haven’t gotten a major league contract this season. Here are some others:

• Roger Clemens
• Jose Mesa
• Mike Piazza
• Sammy Sosa
• David Wells

Does anyone notice anything similar about all these players? Here’s a hint: they’re all old and/or aging. Did anyone think that maybe, just maybe, teams would rather give the 23 year old kid with upside a shot, instead of the 40+ one-and-done guy? No? Really?

Bonds is a distraction, therefore, no one wants him. Lofton though, I think he’s well past his prime but can make a decent 4th outfielder for a team. Even then, I think he needs to retire and he should be a shoo-in for the HOF.

If a GM doesn’t want a free-agent player on the team because of the negative PR that will result, how is that possibly collusion?

Kobe Bryant should be named league MVP today. Here’s a closer look at Kobe.

Yankee fans I know that’s it driving you crazy that Boston is rocking the top of the AL East while your Scum-sucking Yankees are next to last, but is murdering a Red Sox fan going to help you win? No, no it won’t…

Meet Ivonne Hernandez. This lovely piece of Yankee trash ran down a man named Matthew Beaudoin in her car after a Red Sox-Yankees argument in a bar. This bitch never hit her brakes as she accelerated toward the small group he was in.

Don’t you just love friendly rivalries? People are taking the new GTA IV way too seriously. Judging from her picture, I would have thought she was the one that got ran over by the car…but in her defense, that sure is a snazzy Breathe Right strip.

“She never braked, and she accelerated at a high speed for about 200 feet. She went directly at this group of people,” prosecutor Susan Morrell said.

“Mary Kay” Hernandez was ordered held without bail after being arraigned Monday in Nashua District Court. The charges, including aggravated drunken driving, are felonies, so Hernandez could not enter a plea. Which being a Yankees fan would have been innocent because surely she would have misremembered the details.

What I would like to know why this is being charged as second degree murder when it should be first degree premeditated and she gunned the car right at them. However it wasn’t planned in advance nor premeditated. This was a drunk who obviously went way too far. Plus, it’s easier to get the 2nd degree murder conviction. Damn I answered my own question there, I’m brilliant!

Authorities won’t describe the argument beforehand in Slade’s Food & Spirits, but witnesses said it heated up when Hernandez identified herself as a New York Yankees whore. Nashua, 45 miles northwest of Boston, is Red Sox country.

Bartender Tanya Moran said the argument spilled outside, and at least one person in a group that included Beaudoin began chanting “Yankees suck!” when they saw a Yankees sticker on Hernandez’s car.

So instead of facing the truth Hernandez gunned her car and struck Beaudoin and his friend Maria Hughes, 21. Beaudoin’s sister, Faith Beaudoin, said Hughes had only minor injuries because her brother shielded her. Beaudoin died of massive head trauma at a hospital, Morrell said.

“Mary Kay” Hernandez was arrested at the scene. She acknowledged she had been drinking and refused to take a breath-alcohol test, said Morrell, a senior assistant attorney general. Hernandez said she had been in an argument with the group.

“She indicated to police that she wanted to scare this group of people. She thought they would get out of the way,” Morrell said.

Nice…alcohol and stupidly don’t mix but throw in the Yankee fan factor & you have yourself a drunken corporate whore.

Faith Beaudoin said her brother, who lived in Nashua, was a 1997 graduate of Nashua High School who worked dealing poker at Sharky’s Poker Room in Manchester and Nashua. She said his organs, including his heart, liver and kidneys, were donated in hopes of saving other people’s lives.

“He was always helping people when he was alive, and he’s still saving lives,” she said, choking back tears.

In all seriousness now I pray for the victim and their family.

Anyone that parrots the “typical Yankee fan” line or anything similar is a complete idiot. I mean, I’m a massive Sox fan, but there’s no place for stupidity like that.

I also have some questions.

1. Why would any guy in his right mind follow a woman who looks like THAT out of a bar?
2. Do bars in Nashua not have any semblance of security (or even the bartender) to diffuse the situation before someone gets killed???????
3. How desperate will Joel and I be for stories get until football season starts?
4. Why the hell was that Yankee skank even at a Red Sox bar?

When I first read about this I had my fingers crossed that he ran from police, so the hilarious jokes could ensue. Needless to say, I’m disappointed. However Cedric Benson still needs a hug.

Chicago Bears failure of a running back Cedric Benson was charged with boating while drunk like pirate after failing a sobriety test and resisting arrest that required officers to use pepper spray before dragging him ashore Saturday night.

The flip side though is Benson didn’t have to say “Don’t taser me bro.”

“I was not intoxicated,” Benson told the Chicago Sun-Times. “There was alcohol on the boat and others were enjoying themselves, but I wasn’t drunk.”

“They gave me a field sobriety test, told me to say my ABCs and told me to count from 1 to 4 up and down,” Benson told the Chicago Tribune. “I’m thinking, I passed all the tests, did everything right. Then the officer told me we needed to go to land to take more tests. I politely asked him why we needed to go to land to take more tests when I took every test. Then he sprayed me with mace, on his boat.”

“I’m not handcuffed. I’m not under arrest. I’m not threatening him. I’m not pushing him. I’m not touching him. And he sprays me right in my eye.”

Yeah….right….sure. Just because you think you passed the tests doesn’t mean you passed the tests. That’s like the drunk guy at the bar thinking he’s the best looking. Just because he thinks he is, isn’t what other people are seeing. And don’t hand out that BS about I asked him politely.

The water patrol can pull you over for any reason, usually for a safety check. When you have more than a dozen people on a boat, you can plan on them pulling you over to see if there are enough life preservers on board. That’s too many people on a 30′ anyway, but no one accused Cedric of actually having a brain anyway.

Dumping “evidence” Cedric?

Benson was operating the boat with 15 passengers aboard when he was stopped by a Lower Colorado River Authority officer for a random safety inspection. He failed a field sobriety test on the officer’s boat and was uncooperative when the officer tried to take him ashore, the authority said.

“When Benson did not pass the test, he presented himself as a threat to the officer and argued about whether or not he would be taken to land to have a follow-up field sobriety test performed on land and refused to put on a life jacket,” the authority said in a statement. The officer had to use pepper spray to subdue Benson, a move the running back was to drunk and stupid to understand.

When are police departments going to realize that pro football players are special citizens who, in pursuing their dreams, have a god-given right to alcohol and guns? The government needs to get back to the business of protecting the rich against the poor and leaving these guys alone.

“Even after they pepper-sprayed me, I have no idea why they did that. I was cooperative,” Benson told the Sun-Times. “I asked them several times why they did that and they didn’t give me an answer.”

Benson then refused to leave the officer’s boat and authorities had to drag him to a car to be taken to the Travis County jail, the authority said.

Of course Benson’s account differs. He told the Tribune that he was not near his family when the police restrained him.

“Nobody saw what he did to me,” Benson told the newspaper. “I started screaming for my mother to come. That’s when they put me under arrest. And the officer threw a life jacket over my head.

“Once we got to land, the Travis County police grabbed me and kicked my feet from under me. So I landed on my back while I was handcuffed. They held me down and held the water hose over my face. I couldn’t breathe, I’m choking, I’m begging the cops, ‘Please stop. Please stop.’ Then they picked me up and dragged me backward toward their car. And I’m still being polite, asking them, ‘Sir, could you please allow me to walk like a man to your cop car?’ They just kept dragging me on.”

Wow you admit to calling your mommy….

“Right now it’s one-sided, and I would like to know exactly what they’re basing their allegations on,” Benson’s lawyer, Brian Carney, told the Tribune. “It’s very, very early. And we still haven’t had a chance to evaluate what exactly they think that they have.

“Those allegations are untrue,” Carney added. “I think it’s a shame that they proceeded the way they did. I can tell you right now that we’re going to resolve this. We’re going to work through it. And we’re going to maintain our position that this was inappropriate and that he’s not guilty of any of these things. Cedric was extremely cooperative with these officers. He complied. He performed their tests that they asked him to do.”

Benson told the Tribune he is about 98 percent healed from the ankle injury that ended his season in 2007.

Good to see him focused on his rehab and the upcoming season. Nothing like getting beat down by the Po Po to help you train. I guess resisting the police helps him work on his cutting and shedding linemen. Problem is that if he can’t shed a couple of cops, he isn’t ready, or ever will be ready to shed DL’s, DB’s, etc.

“This is tough to deal with because you’re guilty until proven innocent,” Benson told the newspaper. “My name is blasted out there like I was fighting these police officers or something. That totally was not the deal. I’m not stupid.”

Oh yes you are! You have had legal problems before.

He was sentenced to eight days in jail in 2003 for a misdemeanor trespassing charge after forcing his way into an apartment to look for a reported stolen TV.

In 2002, a misdemeanor for drug and alcohol charges was brought against him.

Did he also get pepper sprayed before every game last year? That’d explain a lot.

Benson rushed for more than 5,500 yards and 64 touchdowns at the University of Texas, going for 1,000 yards in four straight seasons.

The 25-year-old has done little since the Bears took him with the fourth pick of the 2005 draft.

As a rookie he didn’t beat out Thomas Jones and rushed for 272 yards in nine games. He was more effective the next season while sharing time with Jones, going for six touchdowns and 647 yards.

Last year, Benson took over as the featured back after Jones was traded. He rushed for 674 yards, four touchdowns and 3.4 yards a carry before going on injured reserve in November.

In three years with the Bears, Benson has rushed for 1,593 yards and 10 touchdowns, averaging 3.8 yards a carry. He’s also missed 13 games.

The Bears draft strategy with Benson was:

“Hey Ricky Williams came out of Texas, let’s get this guy!!!”

Nobody wants a RB that doesn’t wear a life-vest when he is abusing alcohol.