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Archive for August 2nd, 2007

I Went to the Seventh Layer of Hell and All I Got Was This Lousey Interview.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 2, 2007

Someone at LWS dared me to go too the 10th layer of hell, I said “Fuck that I’m not going to Alabama!” So then he said how about 7th? I replied “Why the hell not? I hate the Big East, Sweet Sticky Weed, Bammers, USC & mostly myself.” While I was there I secured an interview with Rich Rodriguez the WVU coach…I barely made it back alive…but I did so here’s an exclusive.

Me: Coach Rodriguez thank you for allowing me to interview you.

HotRod: (He’s holding out a neatly wrapped wad of twenty’s) Here you go Amigo.

Me: Ummm….what’s that for?

HotRod: You crazy gringo, this here is for nice & kind Homeland Security agent to overlook any non-green card holders that might be division 1-A football coaches. (He then winks at me)

Me: Sir, I’m not with Homeland Security, I’m here to interview you for my blog..

Hotrod: Oh…so sorry, gotcha. Now before we begin I must say I read that Les Miles interview that was done. He seemed a little nutty and gay. Don’t make me seem nutty & and by God I’m not Gay!

Me: I understand…

Hotrod: Ok got the stuff?

Me: Of course, just as you were promised a copy of Deliverance on DVD and tube of KY warming lubricant.

Hotrod: Yes!!! I will truly be on Hot Rod tonight! I’m not gay!! I have a very beautiful wife that sorta looks like an ex-stripper! If you don’t believe me go to Hillbillie Al’s Pole club and see for yourself, and you better tip her!

Me: I believe you…honest…ok… Tell me about your heritage, I read your grandfather as a descendant of Spain.

Hotrod: Well, let me be honest with you, I tell people Spain, because when you hear Spain you think of Barcelona & Antonio Banderas. But if you was to hear I’m from Mexico, well let’s just say, I would have to clean Bob Huggins toilet twice a day, instead of just one.

Me: What opinion, if any, do you have of your former player Pac-Man Jones?

Hotrod: It was a pleasure, he’s a real quality young man, my wife Rita “Candy Cane” once said he should be called Donkey Kong Shlong instead. I’m still trying to figure that one out.

Me: Alright then, moving on….expectations are very high of the Big East and you. Especially after you turned down Bammers offer to coach them. Why did turn that job offer down.

Hotrod: That was a hard choice to make, and a lot of people think I used Alabama as leverage to get a bigger salary here, but that isn’t true. I admit the SEC is the elite conference, but deep down I was scared. You see playing Cincy and Pitt. Isn’t the same, as playing LSU, Tennessee & Auburn year in and year out, that’s like comparing a hand job from that gringo the Angry Eer to getting ass raped by a pit bull. I don’t know about you, but my corn hole has been off limits for about 2 years now.

Me: I see…interesting…damn that Jai Eugene for conning me into this, oh sorry I was just thinking out loud coach. Now that Bobby Petrino has come to his senses & left Louisville for to the NFL. Where do you see West Virginia this year?

Hotrod: As for as the Big East is concerned we are unstoppable gringo. It’s like when Florida State joined the ACC. Except that we and the Big East doesn’t have that type of talent here, and probably never will.

Me: What about South Florida, any worries about them this year?

Hotrod: (Looks real tense, stands up and grabs the DVD and KY and says) Excuse me Gringo, I’ll must go to the film room for one minute. (He exits, a short time later I can hear him screaming down the hall “Squeal South Florida Squeal Hotrod is here and it’s time to pay, I’m not gay, but I have a pretty mouth” he returns looking sweaty with a smile on his face that frightens me.) We’ll be ready for South Florida this year, just wait and see.

Me: Ok Coach I’m going to show you a series of photos, here’s the first one, here’s the second one, here’s the third one, here’s the fourth one…

Hotrod: Wait stop Gringo! Why are you showing me pictures of Vaginas?

Me: Coach those were team photos of your Big East opponents…and the last photo was your team’s 2006 team photo.

Hotrod: Like I said Gringo, why are you showing me pictures of vaginas?

Me: Well I’ve taking up to much of your time coach I’ll be leaving….

Hotrod: Before you let me show this trick. (Coach pulls his penis out pointing straight up and starts pissing on his shirt and everywhere else)

Me: Dude what the fuck!!!

Hotrod: I’m making it rain Gringo, making it rain.

I bolt for the door.

Coach telling his players, if they win this game, free lap dances from his semi-hot stripper wife “Candy Cane”

Posted in Coach Rich Rodriguez, NCAA, Sports, The Big East, WVU, West Virginia | Leave a Comment »