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Archive for August 22nd, 2007

Saban States He’s Going To Punish Arrested Cornerback , but the Punishment is An Ancient Chinese Secret

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 22, 2007

Coach Saban who can speak braille, has chosen to punish arrested cornerback Simeon Castille, however only Coach Saban is allowed to talk about bammer fight club and the wrath it incurs.

“Alabama coach Nick Saban said Tuesday cornerback Simeon Castille would be punished “internally” for his early morning arrest on a disorderly conduct charge, the fourth arrest in the same off-campus bar district this summer.

Saban said he had already settled on what the punishment would be but would not say if it includes a game suspension leading up to the opener Sept. 1 against Western Carolina.

“This is not the kind of behavior that we want in the program,” Saban said in is first public comments on Castille’s arrest over the weekend. “We will correct it internally, and I am very hopeful that we will not have these kinds of situations occur in the future.”

For some reason I can literally see Coach Saban doing air finger quotations when he says “internally” & “punishment”. By being “hopeful” maybe Saban is really saying The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Coach Saban IS “fear itself.”

“The police report said he (Castille and not Saban) was cursing at people in an SUV stopped in the street and challenging the people inside to a fight, describing the incident as “what appeared to be an ugly fight waiting to happen in the middle of University Blvd.” Castille was arrested Sunday at about 2 a.m. at a bar district near campus.

Traffic was backing up in the street and “at least 200 people” were watching from the sidewalk, according to the report.

The SUV pulled away when officers walked up, but Castille kept yelling and ran after the vehicle, the report said. Castille then said he was “just playing with his teammates” and not trying to start a fight, the report said.

Jeremiah Castille, Simeon’s father and a former Tide All-American, later told reporters that the arrest “wasn’t warranted.” Saban didn’t go that far, but said Castille “certainly received a tremendous amount of punishment and embarrassment relative to what he did.” “I feel badly for Simeon and his family, but I also think that there are lessons to be learned from this,” he said.”

This punishment must have been brutal since Saban isn’t talking about it. But this is Coach Saban, HE chooses the questions to be asked by the liberal God hating media. So in reality nobody is asking the question because they all fear Coach Saban. I wonder what lessons Saban will instill into Simeon, remember Coach Nick Saban is the reason Waldo is hiding.

“Quarterback John Parker Wilson declined to discuss the incident but said, “I think Simeon’s a great guy. He’s a good Christian guy.”

I think Saban needs to teach a lesson to Sarah John Park Wilson as well, “good Christian people” usually don’t threaten people in SUVs, unless your name is Coach Saban of course. After all the reason that the Weeping Willow tree is weeping is because it’s not Nick Saban.

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bammers, Crimson Tide, NCAA, Nick Saban, SEC, SEC Coaches, Saban, Sports | 3 Comments »

Jonathan Lee Riches Will Be My Bitch When It’s All Said & Done.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 22, 2007

That’s right he has met his match. Jonathan Lee Riches who has in the past attempted to sue George W. Bush, survivors of the Holocaust, Pizza Hut, Three Mile Island, Paris Hilton, Dennis Hopper, Mount Rushmore, the Ming Dynasty, Mein Kampf, “Various Buddhist Monks”, Medieval Times, The Da Vinci Code, and the planet Pluto, just to name a few, is about to be taken to court by me. When I heard that he filed a lawsuit against Michael Vick for $63 quintillion I thought to myself “Hey I was going to do that!”.

“Riches — who has developed an Internet cult following for his propensity to file strange lawsuits naming multiple diverse defendants — claims that Vick stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to “use the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government.”

In the complaint, Riches scrawls that “Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes.”

If he wins the lawsuit, Riches says he wants the $63 quintillion delivered in gold and silver to the front gate of the Williamsburg Federal Correctional Facility in South Carolina, where he is housed as he serves a conviction for wire fraud.”

Son a bitch, those are my thoughts and he stole them. But how? How did this simpleton know I was going to sue Vick and even worse he knew the basis of my lawsuit. Well, it obvious that he had help. So not only am I going to drag him in front of Judge Judy, I’ve also filed a lawsuit against the one who was most involved in helping him.

Stu Scott: Scott, though the power of his occult driven lazy eye, read my mind, and still does today. Scott graduated from UNC in 1987 with a bachelor of arts in speech communication. Following graduation he worked as a reporter at a small South Carolina television station for six years. That’s where he met and befriended Mr. Riches. The 2 have been BFF’s since then. Scott simply honed in his devil eye to the state I reside in, read the minds of lessor people till he came across my thoughts. Immediately sensing my genius, that is only rivaled by Matt Stone and Trey Parker, contacted Mr. Riches with my plan. The rest shall we say is history. But I shall have the last laugh Booya bitch.

There are “others” out there conspiring against me as well, and those shall feel the wrath of Judge Judy as well. Actually they might not be “conspiring”, but they irk me so they deserve to be sued.

Lou’ser Holtz because every time I attempt to watch “The Beverly Hillbillies”, I start yelling at my TV because he resembles Granny from the show, instead of enjoying Ellie Mae. So his existence has hampered me from enjoying television. Plus I’m hoping ESPN will fire him and bring back Trev Alberts.

Brady Quinn because he’s to stupid to realize that not only did he drop in the draft, he held out expecting top 10 draft pay, and he’s still 3rd string. Also I’m sick of seeing his abs on every freaking magazine, if he wanted to do soft-core porn he should have signed a deal with Cinemax.

HBO for allowing the Sopranos to end and for taking Deadwood & Rome off the air.

Brett Favre he cried like teenage girl after realizing she lost her virginity while she was passed out at an Eminem concert over his “retirement”, only to change his blasted mind again. Brett you were great, keyword being WERE, it’s time to retire.

Finally, Pacman Jones only because I’m really jumping on the sue Pacman Jones bandwagon.

Posted in Atlanta Falcons, Discipline, ESPN, Holtz, Jonathan Lee Riches, Michael Vick, Pacman, Sports, Stu Scott, ookie | 5 Comments »