Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

Loser With Socks, the site God and Bear Bryant prefer, posted a great gem called “Scary Cal: 10 Reasons why Tennessee beats Cal’s ass….again“. What I’m going to do is give you 10 things Phil Fulmer and my beloved Vols need to watch for in order to secure a victory.

10: Coach Jeff Tedford has a semi-hot wife. And you know from my amazing interview with coach Rich Rodriguez, that if a coach has a wife that is hot, then she most likely is a stripper. She could be a distraction to the team by keep them “up” all night. Pun very much intended.

9. Those God Spurrier awful yellow jerseys. Many a person has been blinded by those things. I hope the Vols have extra dark shades, just in case.

8. The Cal Bear looks like a child molester. Seriously look at the picture. It’s scary and it’s called “Bebop”. I know what fine and upstanding young men the 2007 Vols are, and they may want to trap it & mug it beat him up and steal his shoes turn it over to the local authorities or Chris Hanson whichever is easier.

7. Revenge. After my beloved Vols ass raped badly beat Cal last season, they have undoubtedly been looking forward to this rematch.

6. DeSean Michael Jackson. He is rated the #1 receiver in the country. And our secondary has a task ahead of them. Then again if he were to be hit in the leg with a baseball bat the night before the game that would help. (hint hint)

5. Nate Longshore. He was only a sophomore last season so he should have more experience under his belt this time. Plus he looks bald, mean and like he just was released from San Quinton.

4. Al Davis. Unless you’ve been living under a rock or in West Virginia for the past 3 years then you know the Raiders suck. Al Davis, the owner of the Raiders, would love to hire the Vols players right there on the field. After all most SEC East teams can win an NFL wildcard playoff game.

3. The Hippy Hair wraps I’m letting the link do the talking on that.

2. The gangs of gay liberals. Berkeley has the one of the highest concentration of gang activity in the country, one of the highest gay populations and everyone knows it’s the most God Spurrier hating liberal area in the entire world. Even whack jobs from other states fear the liberals there. See the picture on the left, that’s one of the toughest street gangs in the area. They’re so liberal there, that the gangs have to be gay, to be recognized.

1. The Symbionese Liberation Army (SLA). If you don’t know the history there I suggest that you click the link. Everyone knows what fat ass idiot Godly man Fulmer can be at times. The SLA would love nothing more than to be able too kidnap the Vols beloved ship captain and turn him into some bank robbing hippie thug like they did with Patty Hearst in 1974. Note Hearst was somewhat a hottie back then that’s her in the photo. Thanks to her we know what Stockholm Syndrome is.

So not only do the Vols have to deal with the talent on the field. They also need to have eyes in the back of their heads. I didn’t even touch on the fact the campus is also full of dirty disgusting God hating hippies.

So I profess on this day 8/30/07.

rDSr