Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

In this the latest chapter of Michael “Ron Ookie Mexico” Vick’s screwed up life, we find Vick curled into fetal position sobbing while on the phone with Marcus the loser little brother. The date is Sept. 12th
Michael: (sobs) Yo Marcus I can’t….can’t go on man.

Marcus: Yo big bro what are talking about what I think you’re talking about?

Michael: Yeah little not as talented as me brother…it’s time I end it. (breaks down crying Hysterically)

Marcus: Oh snap that means I’m going to the favorite son!

Michael: (Blows nose) Wha…what the fuck are you talking about?

Marcus: Well ain’t going to…you know off yourself? I mean you’re crying and all

Michael: I’m chopping onions I had to fire my chef. I was talking about ripping into this sweet herb I picked up in Miami.

Marcus: Oh snap I got ya. Light the shit up! Go Michael Go Michael. Toke toke toke

Michael: (sound of bong being hit) This is some good stuff. Man I wish you was here to enjoy this with me.

Marcus: Really?

Michael: No. (Laughes)

Marcus: Asshole I hope you get drug tested.

Michael: The man has already fucked with me enough they won’t do that.

Marcus: Well, I hope you get ass raped in prison then & mom loves me more (hangs up)

Apparently Michael was wrong because guess what, that’s right Vick failed a drug test. I wonder if Marcus tipped his pretrial services officer about that.

“Michael Vick is now likely one misstep from jail.

The disgraced Atlanta Falcons quarterback tested positive for marijuana earlier this month, a violation of the conditions of his release as he awaits sentencing in federal court on a dogfighting charge that already jeopardizes his freedom and career.

Now, he’s incurred the ire of the judge who could sentence him to up to five years in prison in the dogfighting case. On the day of Vick’s guilty plea, U.S. District Judge Henry Hudson warned that he wouldn’t be amused by any additional trouble.

Hudson, who will sentence Vick on Dec. 10, on Wednesday ordered him confined to his Virginia home between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. with electronic monitoring. He also must submit to random drug testing.

If Vick fails another drug test, he likely will wind up like co-defendant Quanis Phillips — incarcerated since his Aug. 17 plea hearing. Phillips failed a drug test when he had the electronic monitoring and random drug testing requirements.”

Quick someone call Vick and tempt him. It would be rather funny to see Vick take to express tour to prison. Great way to show you have “changed your ways” Michael, I see you “really learned your lesson”. I see where the actual notes that you used to make your apology went for over ten grand on E-bay, thus proving there’s a douche-bag moron born every minute.

“Vick’s positive urine sample was submitted Sept. 13, according to a document by a federal probation officer that was filed in U.S. District Court on Wednesday.

Because Vick violated the conditions of his release, Hudson could take that into consideration during sentencing, said Linda Malone, a criminal procedure expert and Marshall-Wythe Foundation professor of law at the College of William and Mary.

“Every judge considers pretty seriously if they feel that the defendant has flaunted the conditions for release,” she said.

“It’s certainly not a smart thing to do.”

Especially not when his behavior is being watched so closely, not only by the court that allowed him to remain free, but by the public whose forgiveness he’s seeking.”

I have feeling that 18 month sentence that Vick is banking on just got extended and he’s to stupid to realize it.

“In Atlanta, Vick’s one-time teammates tried to distances themselves from his latest troubles.

“That’s the last thing I’m worried about,” linebacker Keith Brooking said at the Falcons’ suburban practice facility. “We’re 0-3. We’re trying to get a win.”

Safety Lawyer Milloy agreed.

“I just want to play ball,” he said. “I’m so tired of talking about everything else, stuff we can’t control that has nothing to do with us.”

Finally someone from the Falcons organization that has the intestinal fortitude to be honest about this situation.

“The former Virginia Tech star was placed under pretrial release supervision by U.S. Magistrate Dennis Dohnal in July. The restrictions included refraining from use or unlawful possession of narcotic drugs or other controlled substances.

The random drug testing ordered Wednesday could include urine testing, the wearing of a sweat patch, a remote alcohol testing system or any form of prohibited substance screening or testing. Hudson’s order also requires Vick to participate in inpatient or outpatient substance therapy and mental health counseling if the pretrial services officer or supervising officer deem it appropriate. Vick must pay for the treatment.

Vick’s lead attorney, Billy Martin, also is representing Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, who pleaded guilty in an airport sex sting. During a press conference about Craig, Martin was asked to comment on Vick. He deflected the question, saying only, “I’m sure that in the future we’ll have something to say regarding Mr. Vick, but not now.”

Whoa Billy you basically have two losing cases on your hands. Now if you was to also take the latest OJ case will you get a set of steak knives from the American Bar Association? Vick should be lucky I’m not his pretrial officer, I would deem it appropriate for him to attend every 12 step program I could find. I would also deem it appropriate to have Vick get kicked in the nuts by every PETA member I could find as well.

In January, Vick was cleared by police of any wrongdoing after his water bottle was seized by security at Miami International Airport. Police said it smelled of marijuana and had a hidden compartment that contained a “small amount of dark particulate.”

Lab tests found no evidence of drugs, and Vick explained that he used the secret compartment to carry jewelry.

Jewelry doesn’t leave a dark particulate behind, unless Vick brought the jewelry from QVC. That may be the case, a birthday present of Marcus. The sad thing is Vick could probably get better weed in prison, ask any Florida Gator they could tell you that. I can’t wait to see what Michael does next as he draws ever closer to earning the douche-bag of decade award. Anyone hear from Marcus lately?

So I profess on this day 9/27/07.

TtT