Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

*Disclaimer this a parody of a true a story, not all comments are true, I’ve link to the actual story.

How does Urban Meyer shake off his first home loss? By sending the elite Gator AK-47 hit squad out to handle some business, that’s how. Urban might have lost on the field but the streets of Gunsville Gainesville belong to him by Spurrier God.

“Jacksonville Jaguars safety Reggie Nelson and three Florida football players have been questioned about a shooting outside a Gainesville nightclub following the Gators’ loss to Auburn, police said Monday.

Nelson’s agent, Hadley Engelhard, confirmed that Nelson was at The Venue on Saturday night but said he left three hours before the shooting.

“He wasn’t even there,” Engelhard said. “He knows nothing. He’s not a witness. He wasn’t involved in any altercation. It’s much ado about nothing, and it will stay that way if he keeps his trap shut! “

Gainesville police spokesman Sgt. Keith Kameg said Nelson is “not a suspect. He’s just a guy we wanted to talk to and make sure he didn’t see anything. Like the three Gator football players that King Meyer sent to handle business. It makes our job easier and he don’t have to kill anyone, just look the other way”

A number of people who witnessed the shooting told officers Nelson was “around the victims throughout the night, we figured he was fingering them for King Meyer’s plan, and conveniently left before the action took place. That Meyer is one smart dude.” Kameg said.”

“I know my name has been mentioned in the media today concerning an unfortunate incident that took place this weekend in Gainesville,” Nelson said in a statement released by the Jaguars. “I want to make it clear that I was not involved with this incident. I did not furnish any guns though I did clean and load several 9mms and 45s that are kept in what King Urban calls “the other trophy room”.

Kameg said three Florida players also were questioned, but he declined to release their names.

“Their names came up from people in a crowd,” Kameg said. “We wanted to verify some stories, and make sure there are no witnesses that can finger any Gator starters at the scene. If there were then I’m afraid something might happen to them something tragic. I hope everyone listening or reading this understands. We know who you are, and we’re watching you.”

According to police, 28-year-old Corey Smith and 19-year-old Justin Glass were driving in traffic around 2:30 a.m. when a man, wearing a full Gator uniform pads and all, walked up to their car and started shooting.

Smith was shot in the upper body. Glass was shot in the arm. Their conditions were not immediately available Monday, but it is learned that both were wearing Auburn apparel.

Nelson, meanwhile, spoke to the Jaguars about the incident Monday in hopes of setting the record straight. The Jaguars were off Sunday, which allowed Nelson to attend the game in nearby Gainesville.

“Based on the information we have gathered from King Meyer, authorities, Reggie and others, we’re confident that Reggie was not involved in the unfortunate incident, and if he was then like King Meyer says “that’s our problem stay out of my business” Jaguars team spokesman Dan Edwards said. Edwards also stated “The Florida Gators are the best team in this state, college or pro, and if anyone disagrees with him, then you to might have a cap busted in your ass. Go Gators!”

So I profess on this day 10/02/07.

TtT