You know, when I watch an NBA game, there are certain things that you expect. Things like passing, making shots, rebounding, and just overall effort. Well because I am an NBA fan, I made the mistake of setting the TiVo to record last night’s Knicks vs. Celtics game. I did that because I am one of the lucky few to have satellite so I got to watch the Packers vs. Cowboys game on the NFL Network. I know, Bryant Gumbel is probably the worst play-by-play guy in creation, but at least I could mute him and still watch a good game (yes, I did that after a while, same as I do for every game they show on NFLN). Back to the Knicks, I probably should have not recorded the game and instead record “Ugly Betty” (hey, Vanessa Williams still looks great to be like 80 years old).

What I saw from the Knicks was a team that said screw it. Virtually every player stole last night’s game check “Ocean’s 11″ style. Isiah looked frustrated on the sidelines, and the Celtics looked like they were playing the Louisiana-Monroe Fighting Nutria’s basketball team. Pretty much whatever they wanted to do, they did with little to no resistance.

Hey, one would not expect that from a Stephon Marbury led team right??? Steph looked like he was more interested in selling $14.98 shoes at your local Steve & Barry’s. Marv Albert called it “an embarrassment” and Reggie Miller called them a “team in turmoil”. But what got us to that point??? Let’s examine…

Isiah is an ok coach but the absolute worst GM this side of Scott Layden. You know, it’s funny, because Scott Layden was the last GM of the Knicks. Who hired these guys??? That would be James Dolan, he of the powerful Dolan family (Cablevision empire). It took fans to chant “Fire Layden” every game, sometimes before games even tipped, before he got his hands off his guitar and started to write pink slips. Guess which chants have just started at Knick home games. As far as personnel moves, he is the one that has assembled this “roster”. I made the point earlier that this current roster is pretty much a clustef**k of parts. You have a LOT of shoot first, shoot second, shoot third, and shoot some more players.

Last night, I saw Zach Randolph miss two shots in a row and he was 4 ft away from the basket. Marbury jacked up jumpers like he was on a Pop A Shot machine at Dave & Busters. The only players that showed any heart were Ronaldo Balkman, Nate Robinson, and David Lee. While that was great, they are not real scoring threats. oh, also, DID I MENTION THAT THEY ONLY SCORED 59 POINTS!!! An NBA team in this day in time should score more than 59 points. They shot 30% from the field, 20% from 3 point range, and 14 turnovers. Of course, Quentin Richardson did provide some motivation to the Celtics by saying that they were “a 3 man team with no depth”.

So what now??? Isiah needs to go. 3 or 4 players are serviceable, but the rest of the roster needs to be gutted like a fish. Dolan needs to get someone in like a Jerry Colangelo that knows what they are doing, and needs to stay out of the way. If he does this, David Stern will not make good on his threat to “fix it”. The good thing is that because the strike on Broadway, a good drama can be found at the Garden. How about this: Le’s dress up the Knicks goal as an SUV with a picture of an attractive intern in the back windshield. Then maybe he will know how to “get it in the hole”…

Let me start off by saying this: Who would have thought that Mississippi State would be the model of coaching stability this year???

My friend Chris, diehard Razorback who lives in Fayetteville, called me this morning and said that one of the local news stations was reporting that Tommy Tuberville would be the next head coach at Arkansas. KNWA is reporting that “There is still a chance the situation can change but KNWA firmly believes the Auburn coach is close to an agreement.”

As I told Chris, Tuberville has a good thing going at Auburn. Sure, the facilities are not near the caliber of some SEC schools like Florida, Alabama, or Tennessee, but if it were me, I would not leave Auburn for Arkansas. Now I can understand if Tuberville still holds a personal grudge against boosters about the whole “Petrino to Auburn” thing while he was still the coach, but that school president is gone and that has not happened since. Of course, Chris used the famous Bear Bryant (he’s with Jesus you know) quote when he left Texas A&M to coach Alabama, “Mama called, and when Mama calls you gotta go home”.

Here’s my thing about anyone going to Arkansas: Remember what happened to Houston Nutt last summer??? Ever heard of the Freedom of Information Act??? Some of their fans have. For the most part, Razorback fans and Arkansans are nice and respectable people. But they sure have heard of FOIA’s, and some of them are not afraid to use them at the drop of a hat. If you use a state issued credit card to get 2 dozen Krispy Kremes for a coaches meeting, now you are unhealthy and need to go on a diet. If you make a call on a state issued cell phone to your local Jiffy Lube to ask how much an oil change is, now all of a sudden you’re not supporting the local cash cow by going to Wal-Mart to get your car serviced. If you drive your brand new state issued Chevy Suburban with OnStar to the local movie house to watch the IMax version of “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, now you practice witchcraft. Does anyone see how things can get twisted???

I still call b.s. on this for now, but then again, you just never know what will happen. It would be a good move for Arkansas, a bad move for Tuberville, and now throws Auburn’s name into those colleges who need a new coach.

Here I am, enjoying a day off of work and on my way back from Christmas shopping with my daughter, and one of the local sports stations here in Houston were talking about possible coaches to LSU should (when) Les Miles leaves for Michigan. One name that they were discussing were current South Carolina (and Thomas the Terrible’s favorite coach) Steve Spurrier.

This could not be true right??? No, of course not. So in an effort of fine “journalism”, I had to do research as soon as I got home, preferably from another news source, because after all, we would not be true “bloggers” if we just threw turds against the wall until something stuck. Well, according to Carl DuBois of The Advocate, Spurrier’s name has been thrown around as a possible replacement. Apparently, this rumor has been floating around the bayou for a few days.

Pros: With the rich talent base in the state of Louisiana, coupled with the fact that LSU is pretty much the school in the state, Spurrier’s offense would put up gaudy numbers. Let’s face facts: Chris Smelley or Blake Mitchell is no JaMarcus Russell or Ryan Perrilloux, they have a stable of RB’s at LSU compared to whoever they have at RB for the USC Roosters, and let’s not even talk about offensive line or receivers.

Cons: Spurrier is no longer a spring chicken, Louisiana is not known for its golf courses, and Carolina ended the year on a looooooooooong losing streak. Has the genius that is Spurrier lost it’s luster???

Again, right now it’s all a rumor. For all we know, Lou Holtz or Mark May might be rumored for the job. You just never know. But one thing is for sure, just when I think I have seen it all in college football, something else surprises me…

Come play with us Reggie…forever and ever and ever..

Reggie Herring…the fiery bald spark plug of a man who resembles those two creepy twins from “The Shining”, seems to be already moaning and bitching about not getting the Arkansas head football coach job. Sure Arkansas hasn’t officially stated a search yet, but do you think that’ll stop him? Story

“(Incoming athletic director) Jeff Long knows where I am. He knows where my office is and I’ll just say it publicly, if he’s going to start interviewing coordinators, nobody can touch me, given the opportunity.”

Thank God I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that, I surely would have electrocuted myself by spitting it out while I laughed. Hey Reggie two words, Bo Pelini, now shut up bitch. You’ve only been there three seasons plus you were fired from Clemson.

“I don’t want to come across like I’m politicking for this job. At the end of the day, really anybody out there doesn’t know if I could do a good job or not if given the opportunity. My approach to this is this: If they’re going to start interviewing coordinators around the country, I don’t think there’s a better coordinator in the country that knows this school, knows the players, knows the fans, can bring these people together.”

Reggie Herring…peace maker. The funny thing about that statement is his own son, Adam, declined to play for Arkansas and picked Auburn. I’ll give him credit though, his three year stint at Arkansas is longest he’s been able to stay at one job. The Arkansas fans will crucify him.

There have been early rumors about the current Raiders head coach, Lane Kiffin, in the running. He daddy apparently was a coach there in the 70’s.

“I was 3 years old,” Lane Kiffin said when asked about his memories of Arkansas. “I’ll never go back to that fucking hell hole again”.

Of course Nutt will try to take some of the Arkansas staff with him so maybe Herring will be offered a position there.

“Right now I am in that process,” Nutt said. “I do have a few that are coming with me. I can’t say right now at this time.”

Translation: He’s waiting to see who tries to stab him in back by claiming they were the real reason of the Hogs success.

Offense coordinator David Lee, quite possibly the worst in the country is still on the Arkansas staff.

“David has been told to go score and score a lot,” Herring said. “Score often.”

Herring apparently knows he needs all the help he can get in obtaining this gig.

My own son wouldn’t play for me.

So I profess on this day 11/29/07

TtT

I hate Forbes, I really do. However I’m working mad OT at work and I’m tired so I’m going to write about this. I’ll be working mad OT next week as well.

Forbes has ranked the 20 most valuable football teams. By valuable they mean money wise. Let’s look at their list.

1. Notre Lame Dame. Value 101 Million. Clearly there’s a lot of morons out there who pull for losing teams.
2. Texas. Value 92 Million. Thank part-time pot head Matthew McConaughey for that.
3. Georgia Value 90 Million. Might third on Forbes list but second in SEC east. (Snicker)
4. Michigan Value 85 Million. That number might drop after the Appy State loss.
5. Florida Value 84 Million. I wonder if that includes the stolen items and drug money.
6. LSU Value 76 Million. People love corndogs, at least the fan love smelling like them.
7. The Good Guys. Tennessee Value 74 Million GO VOLS!
8. Auburn Value 73 Million. War (Cha Ching) Eagle
9. Satan’s team Alabama Value 72 Million. Even at this Auburn beats them.
10. Ohio State Value71 Million. They’re used to losing to SEC teams.
11. Oklahoma Value 70 Million. Let’s see Mike Gundy yell about that.
12. South Carolina Value 69 Million. WTF? Does Forbes know they’re operating in red?
13. Penn State Value 69 Million. Even though it’s the same value as Carolina, Forbes has sense enough to rank Carolina higher.
14. USC (The one that wins championships Value 53 Million. My my my that’s not good.
15. Arkansas Value 53 Million. I wonder if that number will go up after a new coach is hired.
16. Texas A&M Value 50 Million. This number should skyrocket since that prick Coach Fran is gone.
17. Washington Value 50 Million. No not the Redskins, but Pac 10 Huskies.
18. Nebraska Value 49 Million. Callahan has ruined that program more ways than one.
19. Michigan State Value 44 Million. WTF? They have fans? If so why?
20. Wisconsin Value 43 Million. Cheese makes more money.

Notice anything? I did. No ACC teams and praise God no West Virginia & no Big Least teams period. Six of top ten were SEC schools. That conference rules in more ways than one.

So I profess on this day 11/29/07

TtT

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…Psams 23:4-6

OK Big Orange, you have made it to the SEC Championship game. Congratulations for destroying the hopes and dreams of SEC East teams who thought they had a shot of making it to the Georgia Dome. Despite the fact that you are coached by a staff that some in the fan base do not want, your green pasture now resides in Atlanta. Despite embarrassing losses at Florida, where you were completely dominated all around, and being completely outcoached in Tuscaloosa by St. Nick, you have leaned on your resolve and faith to get to your goal. Your patience and virtue has been rewarded.

One can only think that the great football god has blessed you and found favor on you, because there is no way you should have defeated Georgia, South Carolina, Vandy, and Kentucky. Despite being surprised by scrappy Vandy and almost snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against KY, now here you stand. However, you did not fall to those who dared to travel from the Sun Belt Conference, avoiding the embarrassment of losing to the Fighting Nutria, Mean Green, the Magic Possums or whoever else they have as sports teams. All alone now facing your biggest test to date: How does one look a Tiger in the mouth and come out alive??? How does one stand against all odds, despite being decimated by Tebow’s Kids, going into Cal Ba’al Berkley and looking unlike an SEC team, and then, putting up as much fight against the Holy Tide as a thawed turkey meeting a hot vat of peanut oil???

I will tell you how. The blueprint has been laid, of your own doing. That same ferocious Tiger that you must now tame crushed your hopes and dreams back in 2001. Remember Matt Mauck coming in for an injured Rohan Davey??? All of the pre-game talk about you going to the Rose Bowl??? The big fat orange covered shepherd does not forget. He will probably remind you.

Miracles can happen. The table is set, and it is yours for the taking. You can feast with kings and dine like champions. Imagine a true Orange Bowl, or how about another Fiesta Bowl??? It is yours for the taking, and you can. Keep the faith and seize the opportunity. Do not believe in luck. Luck is for the pagans in South Bend, Indiana. Goodness and the riches thereof will follow you from Knoxville to Atlanta and then to BCS glory. The path of the righteous is paved with orange and the soundtrack for the trip is the familiar refrain of “Rocky Top”, played of course millions of times along the journey. This song annoys the unjust to no end, but for Volunteers, it is a Song of Solomon that will be sung by the just (even if people only know the last two lines of the song, waiting lustfully for the big “Woooo” as if channelling an inner “Nature Boy” Ric Flair). Volunteers everywhere are behind you on Saturday. Only the faith that you have in yourselves and each other will guide you to the ultimate victory, since no one else thinks that you have a shot…

Praying to the Hog God won’t change things.

In less than 24 hours after Houston (Deeze nuts bitch) Nutt, basically told Arkansas to go fuck themselves, he’s decided to pursue his coaching opportunities at Ole Miss. Story

Let’s make sense of this. Saturday Living Coaching God Coach 0 was fired. Monday Nutt turns down a raise and an extension to stay at Arkansas where he’s been the coach for the past 10 years. Today Ole Miss confirms he’ll be announced as the new head coach on Wednesday. If anyone reading this thinks these events just “happened”, then click the X in the corner, you shouldn’t have the pleasure of reading my genius writings.

Nutt said in his “Oxygen Channel” like press conference yesterday:

“Deep, deep down in my heart as an Arkansan, as person who loves the Razorbacks so much, I wanted for the state to come together as one. At this time, I didn’t think we could have one heartbeat.”

God, what a fag. Nutt and the chancellor of Ole Miss should really get along in a Broke Back Mountain sense. I’m sure he wanted all the people in the state to hold hands and sing that stupid jingle Coke puts out every year a Christmas time.

“My dream job. I thought I’d be here for a long, long time,” Nutt said. “Sometimes things change and you have to make a hard decision.”

More like you weren’t winning games you should have won because you have so much baggage in your personal life, Jerry Springer could dedicate three hours of airtime covering it.

But that was yesterday, now today he trades in Arkansas colors for Ole Miss colors. That game will be really interesting to watch. Former Bloods coach now coaching the Crips.
Nutt and Ole Miss were already discussing a the contract details Monday night, so much for being heartbroken over leaving Arkansas. I’m sure Les Miles is really hoping and praying that Michigan offers him the coaching job there, because what’s worse than being ranked #1 and losing to Arkansas. You guessed it, being ranked #1 and losing to Ole Miss.

Ole Miss believes their problem with mediocrity is over. Nutt’s mediocre record in conference play is 42-38. I wonder in three years if Nutt will be the next one fired.

Nutt, said he left Arkansas to help mend a split among fans after off-the-field problems were compounded by a difficult season. Yeah this will really help get the Arkansas fans back to loving you now.

As for me, I’m glad Nutt still in the SEC. I hope Coach 0 lands on his feet somewhere that I can keep tabs of him. I love writing about these two idiots.

Hey Nutt, do you think you will be the one to teach Jerrell Powe how to read?

Yeah the welcome committee is going all out. Deezzze Nutt Bitches!!!

So I profess on this day 11/28/07

TtT

The tragic love/hate relationship that was Houston Nutt & Arkansas seems to be ending tonight. This is a sad day indeed. First my favorite coach to pick on Coach 0 gets fired and now Nutt is gone. The kicker with this one though is that he’s not waiting around for another bad season or “incident”, he’s basically telling Arkansas to fuck off, he’s out. Nutt gets the last laugh. Story

“Chancellor White and athletic director Frank Broyles, they want me here. They want me to stay. That’s a good feeling, and I’m excited about that.” Nutt told reporters Sunday at his weekly news conference.

So what has changed in less than 24 hours? Could it be the Big East mediocrity that will be sure to ensnare the football program when Jeff Long takes over as AD? That would be my bet that and Pappy Broyles is leaving.

Nutt has been the Arkansas coach for 10 years, and the fans simply don’t appreciate him enough. Shame on you!! So what if he inquired about the Alabama, Miami and NC State job? So what if he ran off Mitch Mustain, Damian Williams & Gus Malazan. So what if he was sending text messages to some semi-hot TV reporter right before last years bowl game. He just beat LSU! Sheesh

Arkansas will be paying Nutt about 3.4 million dollars in the divorce settlement agreement. For his 10 years there, Nutt compiled a record of 75-48 (.610) & three SEC west championships. And you fans couldn’t overlook the fact Teresa Prewett, Sherry Darby & Nutt’s wife were really the ones running show and even referred to themselves as “The Posse”. Picky Picky Picky.

Nutt’s name will most likely surface with Baylor, SMU, Georgia Tech & Ole Miss. So now Arkansas’s new AD, Jeff Long, must find another coach in time for recruiting season. I’m Dave Wannstedt will be eager to learn more and hey Coach 0 is available you better snag him now.

Fuck this place, I’m out of here bitches!

So I profess on this day 11/27/07

TtT

Today’s date is 2 A.0. (after 0) for the Ole Miss football program. For the second time in four years, Ole Miss has really screwed themselves royally by firing their football coach. When I learned about this my first thought was “That’s a mistake he’s only been there 3 years”, my second thought was “I wonder if Jai Eugene of ‘Losers With Socks‘ will have to change his aviator now”. The first time involved the firing of David Cutcliff after so much success he brought them, the latest firing involves the man, the myth, the legend, the man-god with 42″ python arms Coach 0, just after a poultry 3 years there. Three years? Are you kidding me?

Coach 0’s firing comes on the heels after Chancellor Robert Khayat endorsed Orgeron last month. Khayat told the AP that Coach 0’s job was safe and he believed the coach would eventually field a winner, even if it took five or six years. In that same interview Khayat also showed some rather unnatural man-love towards the 0. Those details can be found here.

So now after Ole Miss has shown the SEC that they too can be like Alabama & Notre Dame, and fire a coach after a relatively short period of time. The search should begin today. Let’s look at some candidates that could possibly become the next Ole Miss football coach.

David Cutcliff: Oh wait my bad. Not only would the athletic director have to get on his knees and beg him to return, he would also have to tongue his balls in the process.

Bo Pelini: HA! You think he’ll go there over Nebraska? Bahahahaha.

OK OK OK here’s the real list, I was just kidding on the first two.

1. Rick Neuheisel: He hasn’t been coaching for awhile now. In fact I’m not even sure if he’s still alive, but if they can find him and sober him up it possible.
2. Mike Shula: Why not? He was wrongly canned last year so getting fired again within another 3 years wouldn’t be a new experience.
3. Gary Barnett: He can enticed recruits to come to Ole Miss with sex and alcohol during recruiting visits & actually coach as well, he’s a winner.
4. Coach Fran: Wait even Ole Miss wouldn’t stoop that low.
5. Bill Callahan: He can win more than 3 times a year.
6. Gus Malazan: This could be a real win-win here. The “I’ll whip your ass in the parking lot” looks he would throw towards Houston Nutt is worth the admission price alone.
7. Kevin O’Dea: Don’t know a lot about him but he is a coach with the Chicago Bears. The cool thing about him is people can still keep their Coach O decals on their cars.
8. Me: That’s right bitches m-e ME! I have no clue on how to coach, but neither did Coach 0 and that’s didn’t stop him. For a generous salary I’ll coach that team or at least teach Jerrell Powe how to read. I’ll employ my patented motivational tools to the job. A whistle and cattle prod.

Hire Kevin O’Dea

So take your pick Ole Miss but remember I have a cattle prod and I’m not afraid to use it bitch.

So I profess on this day 11/26/07

TtT

Riding the short bus to glory!!!

God must either hate West Virginia or he shows them love by making them suffer though the fact that Missouri jumped them to become the #1 in the latest BCS poll. That benevolent father, what a prankster.

So I profess on this day 11/26/07

TtT