Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for November 20th, 2007

Let’s Go Dolphins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Joel on November 20, 2007

I have never asked for much in life, just the essentials. Things like, food, water, clothing, shelter, TV, MacBook, iPod, a sucky Notre Dame team, and cold beer are just the necessities that I have required. You know, the basics. Well there is one thing that I have craved more than a new 60″ HDTV for the past 20 years, and that is a winless NFL team. Jim Rome and I am sure countless others agree with me.Here is where the Miami Dolphins come into play. This team has a lot of advantages over other teams. The city itself, great weather (except for the occasional hurricane), beautiful stadium which is going through a $300 million facelift (fitting with some Miami residents that go through tummy tucks and Botox, right Ricky Martin???), an owner that stays out of the offices way, and probably the hottest cheerleaders in the league.

I am not here to analyze why the Dolphins are currently sitting at 0-10. There are some things that can be blamed, whether it is coaching, an aging defense, an offense that looks no better than Atari Football, and injuries. On the contrary, I am here to root on the Dolphins. One looks at their remaining schedule, and there’s not really a game there that you would say that will win: at Pittsburgh, Jets at home, at Buffalo, Baltimore at home, at New England, and at home against the Bengals. For most teams, there would be some winnable games here, but not these Dolphins. This current Dolphins team has now become MY Dolphins team. The irony here is that not only is this the same franchise that can currently say that they are the only team that went undefeated in a season (1972), but that also this can be the only team to go 0-16 (1976 the Bucs went 0-14). Let’s not forget that Darth Bellicheck and his minions in New England are on a seek and destroy mission and at this point, definitely looks like the best football team that I have personally seen. The Patriots might, and should not lose a game this year.

So everyone root for the Dolphins to go 0-16. C’mon Dolphins, show us your dorsal fin and bottle nose!!! Borrow Kyle Wright from the U and put him in at QB. Keep running bubble screens and reverses (to quote Warren Sapp “I have seen a high school team run more base plays on offense). Keep getting old Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor. Still be the loud mouth underachiever that you are Joey Porter (wait, let me not say that. I don’t wanna end up on the floor like Levi Brown). Jason Allen (Tennessee), continue to be the 1st RD bust that you are. You just got Ricky Williams back off suspension. Get the blunt out of his hand and put a football on his feet. Let him run and kick, kinda like George Blanda. Do it up Gameday ‘98 like and put Ricky in at QB. Coach Cam, think of it. Use Ricky all over the field, just like you did when you were the head coach at Indiana.

You can do it. I have all the faith in the world in you. I am on the bandwagon, and I don’t plan on getting off until you decide to show some pride and win. Why, at this point, would you show any pride and effort??? You haven’t done it all year. I am not a Photoshop expert, but if I could, I would replace the helmet on the Dolphin’s head with a bag. Do it up “Aint’s” style. Miami Dolphins, make this guy’s dream come true…

Posted in Marijuana, NFL Football, Ricky Williams, miami dolphins, notre dame sucks | Tagged: | 4 Comments »

Post Plays (College & NBA Reviews)

Posted by Joel on November 20, 2007

OK, so I am a couple of weeks late, but I would like to share a few random thoughts on the college and NBA games:

College

-Am I surprised at some of the upsets and near upsets??? Not really. Well, I was a little surprised at the Kentucky-Gardner Webb one, but there is a lot more parity in college basketball than even 10 years ago. Sure, the rich continue to get richer when it comes to getting great recruits (Indiana, Louisville, UCLA, Kansas, North Carolina, etc.), but there are more talented kids available for smaller schools. As long as the coaches at these smaller, non-traditional powers can draw some X’s and O’s, there will be some upsets.

-John Beilein of Michigan is probably one of the best in game coaches in the game, but unless he can start getting kids from Detroit and Flint, he will do just about as much as Tommy Amaker did as Michigan’s coach, which won’t be much. I still think he should have stayed at West Virginia.

-Chris Lofton is the best player to come out of Tennessee since Bernard King. I pray he doesn’t get drafted to the Knicks.

-I still hate Duke and Michigan State’s Drew Neitzel still looks like Powder.

-Memphis is LOADED, but offensively, they don’t impress me. Of course, as I write this (7:18 pm, 11/16/07) they may light it up for 100. Derrick Rose is great, but if he can be a little more consistent with his jumper, he would be unstoppable.

-Right now (again, still early) OJ Mayo to me looks more like Felipe Lopez or Korleone Young than Carmelo Anthony or LeBron James.

-C’Mon Kentucky, sign Billy Gillispie to a contract.

-I can’t wait for March so I can be treated to my main man, Gus Johnson and his play-by-play.

-Since the Final Four will be in San Antonio this year, I am thinking of taking a roadie. If anyone would like to sponsor me, let me know. Hey, I just had a kid and funds are a little low.

NBA

-Will the following teams please wake up??? The NBA season has just begun. Golden State, Miami, Chicago, Seattle.

-Can anyone shoot anymore??? I haven’t seen this many bricks since I made my last trip to Times Square.

-Speaking of New York, that whole organization is a big clusterf**k. That’s the best word I can use to describe it.

-Point guard issues will prevent the Rockets from getting out of the first round.

-As much as I love listening to Hubie Brown’s analysis on ESPN/ABC, I miss him on the Grizzlies bench. Speaking of the Griz, they really could have used Al Horford.

-Yi Jianlian can shoot it and has been impressive, but like fellow Chinese brethern Yao Ming, he needs to be a little more aggressive and physical. You can’t teach 7 ft., but you can sure teach elbows and hip checks.

-I know he is still young, but Kevin Durant needs to be on a steady diet of grits, bacon, steaks, breads, and a Big Gulp size cup of either chocolate shake or gravy.

-I am not ready to hop onto the Celtic bandwagon until they start making road trips, especially against Western Conference teams. Then we will see how good they are.

-I thought Portland would be improved this year, but I did not think they would be this good.

-Poor Joe Johnson. Stuck in Atlanta wasting away in front of thousands…of empty seats. Phillips Arena is actually not a bad place to watch a game in my opinion. But if the FBI wanted to use a new place for Witness Relocation, this would be the perfect spot.

Posted in Sports | No Comments »