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Archive for December, 2007

Oklahoma Player Sent Home For Having Sticky Fingers.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 31, 2007

Nothing brings out the best in people like competition. So if there was ever a shoplifting contest I would advise Oklahoma defensive tackle DeMarcus Granger not to bother even entering.

Mr. Granger removed an anti-theft device from a jacket and then concealed the jacket in a bag. He exited the store walking past the cash registers without paying for the jacket,” Mike Horn, a spokesman for the Tempe Police Department, said in a statement.

Granger admitted committing the offense and was booked into the Tempe City Jail on one count of shoplifting, Horn said. He later bonded out of jail.

I guess the Vizio 20-inch LCD HD TV that each player and coach received as a gift wasn’t good enough. Note the sarcasm because I’m laying it on pretty damn thick.

“DeMarcus Granger was sent home yesterday, will not play and we’ll deal with the situation when we get back,” Sooners coach Bob Stoops said Monday. “If there’s anything further, we’ll see.”

“It’s a big loss. He’s a key to stopping things up front,” said defensive end Auston English, who led the Big 12 with 9½ sacks this season. “He’s a great motivator for us. He makes big plays up the middle. His presence out there, somebody will have to step up and make up for it.”

If there’s anything further? How about kicking him off the team? And take his Vizio TV and ship it to me, that’ll teach him!

I can imagine that he was a great motivator. I can hear him now on the sidelines, “All right men I’ll steal 3 DVDs for whoever gets an interception.”

The real question is will this effect the outcome of the game. Umm no remember Oklahoma is playing West Virginia, so this shouldn’t matter.

So I profess on this day 12/31/07.


Posted in Big East, Big Twelve Football, Bob Stoops, Oklahoma sooners, West Virginia Mountaineers | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Piling on Notre Dame

Posted by Joel on December 31, 2007

Ah yes, one of my favorite teams reside in South Bend, Indiana. God’s chosen team is the University of Notre Dame. How do I know this??? Because the school has a huge painting of Jesus on the library directly behind the football stadium, so that He may see his favorite team play. It warms the heart when the school’s band plays the fight song. The school’s list of famous alums spans the entire spectrum of life, from Regis Philbin to Condoleeza Rice…

Screw this: NOTRE DAME SUCKS!!! Now where do I begin??? Let’s start with the mascot. The “Fightin’ Irish”. To symbolize the “spirit” of the fight, the school adopted a leprechaun to represent it. So let me get this straight: A mythical creature which obviously does not represent any Christian values is the symbol of a Catholic school. Do I just look at things in a weird way, because while I am no biblical scholar, I don’t recall any leprechauns in the word of God. When Daniel was thrown into the lion’s den, there weren’t any “fighting leprechauns” fending off dangerous felines. Can we say hypocrisy???

Now let’s talk about the overrated football program. This football program has been living off of championships won years ago. Lou Holtz won a title, which must have been divine intervention, but what have they done since??? The fact remains that the school’s boosters is the only reason that the school is even relevant today. Every year, the school is preseason top 25, simply because it is Notre Dame. Guess where the school will be ranked pre-season next year??? I am willing to bet a #4 combo from McDonald’s that Notre Dame will be there, despite only winning 3 games this year.

Now, this I know will stir the pot of Irish fans, but screw it: The Ty Willingham thing was just wrong. Now, before I get a bunch of hate from “Irish fans”, which “scares” me, I am not talking from a racial perspective. But every coach that they have had was given 5 years. Willingham wasn’t. True, he won early, but to let him go after a “subpar” year for Notre Dame was wrong. Even Gerry Faust got 5 years, but because your big money boosters gave Kevin White some heat, he caved under the pressure. So you went out and got Fat Boy, Charlie Weis.

Oh, who can forget the “Great Architect” of the Patriots offense during the Super Bowl years. The only problem was that Belichick wasn’t coming with him. So you won early, getting 2 BCS Bowl bids that you did not deserve. Let’s revisit those 2 Bowl games:

*Fiesta Bowl-Ohio State blew you out, just like Brent Musburger gave “courageous” Brady Quinn and his sister Laura virtual blowjobs on the air…

*Sugar Bowl-LSU completely dominated you as soon as they stepped off of the bus. It wasn’t even close. Does this look familiar???

lsu2.jpg Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in BCS, Bill Belichick, Charlie Weis, Holtz, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, boo birds, boosters, cat killer, classless, notre dame sucks | Tagged: | 10 Comments »

This song is for Chris Jessee

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 28, 2007

You know what sucks worse than having the flu and laryngitis on Christmas day? Being Chris Jessee that’s what. You see Chris Jessee is the stepson of Mack Brown and a member of the University of Texas football operations staff, who like a dumbass, was a few feet on the field and reached out to touch a live ball in the second quarter, taking away what would have been a huge turnover for the Longhorns and setting up a touchdown for Arizona State.

It must be hard being Chris Jessee. He is always constantly trying to live up to his step fathers expectations and he resembles Jimmy Clausen. So, since I know it sucks being around the holidays, I’ve come up with a catchy song that Bud Light can use for their “Real Men of Genius” series. I’m going to submit it to them and hopefully they’ll use it. If so then I’ll be sure to let Chris Jessee know that he was the inspiration and hopefully that’ll make him better and less like a complete moron.

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius

(real men of genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. I’m a coach thanks to nepotism.

(Mr. I’m a coach thanks to nepotism)

You’ve shown us the real American dream: no skills, no future but thankfully the man banging your mom is a coach and he made you a coach as well

(Thank you mom for being a whore)

You stare in space during team meetings, forget when the season really starts & try to nail every cheerleader on campus.

(Rufees are my friend!)

And when you finally were allowed to stand on the sidelines during a big game, you touch a live ball.

(Hey mom I’m on TV)

People will always wonder why you aren’t fired even though you’re “family”.

(I caught dad masturbating to Flex magazine)

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Coach Nepotism. You know the way to a man’s heart…you’re mom and the guilt trip you can lay because you’re real father isn’t around.

(Mr. I’m a coach thanks to nepotism)

Yeah I’m feeling better. Some of you might have noticed I haven’t been around. Well, duh…I’ve had the flu. So sorry to disappoint the few people that noticed my absence and sent e-mails wanting to know where I was buried so they may go defecate on my grave, I’m still around…and I’m feeling better bitches.

I’ve got a fresh bottle of Haterade and I intend to drink it and grab refills…

So I profess on this day 12/28/07.


Posted in Arizona State Sundevils, Texas Longhorns, chris jessee, dumbass, moron, stupid | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

West Virginia: Rich Betta Have My Money $$$$$$$$$$$$

Posted by Joel on December 28, 2007

Pedro Gomez Joel here, to post about the latest in the episode of “Eers of Our Lives”. Yesterday, West Virginia University’s Board of Governors filed a lawsuit in Monongalia County Circuit Court in an effort to collect Coach Rich “Paid-Rod” Rodriguez’s $4 million buyout clause. According to the contract, one-third of the buyout is due 30 days after termination of his employment at WVU, with the balance due in 2 years. West Virginia is seeking mediation in order to make sure that they get their money. The university claims that it had fulfilled its obligations to Rodriguez and the Mountaineer football program, and that Rodriguez never gave the school written notice of his resignation, which was required in the contract. Rodriguez has 20 days to respond, and it is largely expected that he will contest the lawsuit.Thomas already posted about Coach Paid Rod not willing to pay the school jack. Ken Kendrick, wealthy Mountaineer booster, is already on record saying that he will testify “to any and all proceedings that may occur.” This will more than likely put him up against Milan Puskar, he who’s COO may or may not have her MBA (allegedly). Here’s my take. It is already looking really bad for the school. There has been more dirty laundry aired and more will come, on both sides, if this thing actually gets to court. Paid Rod’s and the school’s lawyers need to go somewhere and hammer out a settlement and move on. However, West Virginia thinks that theiy are Victor Newman and can bully people around, so doing the logical thing probably won’t happen. Can’t we all just get along??? Someone be the Voice That Cares…

In other news, WVU interviewed Butch Jones of Directional School Michigan. I will give them a lot of credit, the second half of the bowl game against Purdue, they looked like world beaters. Mike Locksley, offensive coordinator of Illinois (and the guy Tennessee should go after for the OC position), denied that he interviewed for the job. He did tell a Mountaineer headhunter that he was not going to interview just to satisfy the Black Coaches Association. I don’t blame him one bit. Besides, he’ll be a head coach eventually, plus Illinios is a better position now anyway, even if it is as a coordinator. Also curious to note that Gov. Joe Manchin is also involved with the interview porcess. To my knowledge, I can’t remember a state’s governor involved with interviewing head coaching candidates. I understand that he is an alum, but he should step back and let the school’s athletic department & president make the choice. Besides, he needs to focus on why the state’s economy is 49th out of 50 states in the country…

Posted in Big East, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners | 9 Comments »

Nick Saban: Dancing Machine

Posted by Joel on December 27, 2007

Nick Saban trying to do the “Cupid Shuffle”. You don’t know how to do the “Cupid Shuffle”??? Don’t worry, St. Nick doesn’t know how either. Didn’t stop him from trying. I will give him credit, because could you imagine Fulmer, Spurrier, or Miles trying to do it??? Anyway, here’s the clip:

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, Sports | Leave a Comment »

West Virginia: One Big Clusterf**k (Part 2)

Posted by Joel on December 26, 2007

I promise that I don’t have an obsession with West Virginia. But, at this point, West Virginia is like Barry Bonds and I am like Pedro Gomez. Terrell Owens to my Ed Werder. F bombs to my Lisa Lampanelli.

Thanks to a comment by Ray, I now have yet another sub-plot to the whole “Our coach left us and we are in pain…whine whine whine”… According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Heather Bresch, daughter of West Virginia Gov. Joe “I don’t know what the state’s school is doing” Manchin, has not officially earned her MBA. Bresch was recently named COO of Mylan, Inc. on October 2, 2007, which was co-founded by Milan Puskar, whom I referenced in Part 1 of the endless Clusterf**k series on West Virginia. Puskar is a powerful booster at WVU and one of those who says that “Everything is fine in the Mountaineer Athletic Dept.” (even though the sky is falling).

heather_bresch.jpg Bresch has listed on the company bio as holding an MBA from WVU, as well as her bachelor’s. I am not sure who may have tipped the paper off, but according to school records, and interviewing those who would have been in her graduating class, she never completed her degree. In fact, she was 22 credit hours short of the required 48. As a matter of fact, her degree, according by a letter dated for October 22, 2007, was awarded retroactively. The letter was signed by the College of Business & Economics Dean R. Stephen Sears. Oh, did I mention that the dean’s $210k salary is endowed by Milan Puskar??? Remember, Bresch became COO of Mr. Puskar’s company on October 2, 2007. Coincidence??? The rabbit hole goes a little bit deeper, because Bresch is a high school classmate of school president Mike Garrison, who was also a lobbyist for, yup, you guessed it, Mylan, Inc. Bresch has refused to release her transcripts, although at this point, I wouldn’t believe them anyway. I am no academic, but I’m sure any 4 or 5 letter organization’s that certify and accredit university’s would like investigate this mess, and if they do, WVU is screwed…

Meanwhile, the $chool’s football team has a game to play. Mighty Oklahoma, who probably would have cleaned house anyway, now awaits college football’s “Team Turmoil”. They are trying their damnest to focus on the game, but their pee pee still hurts from the “choke job” against Pitt and their coach leaving them. “We don’t expect anybody to feel sorry for us. That’s just the nature of this game,” said West Virginia safety Ryan Mundy. “Nothing is forever. We would have liked coach Rod to stay here, but we realize there is a different side to this and there are other assets that we just don’t know about.” OK Mundy, you’re a member of that “vaunted” 3-3-5 defense that couldn’t stop a Dave Wannstedt coached team and his steady diet of 10-Yard Fight running plays. I wouldn’t count on you to exactly provide insight into the team’s psyche. So let’s go to Bill Stewart, acting head coach until the Mountaineers finally hire someone:

“That I give you, my bond. I can assure you these guys will play their hardest,” Stewart said. “We do have some bullets in our gun. We may not have any land to our left or any land to our right and water behind us, but this is not going to be the [doomed Crimean War] charge of the light brigade.” Wow, a historical reference. You know, this guy sounds like a crusty old guy who could kick you in the ass and pat you on the back at the same time, while telling you stories about the 1964 barn dance when he nailed Suzy Parker in a stack of hay. I kinda like this guy. Well Oklahoma, if you need a few plays to beat the Mountaineers, download a copy of this 10-yard_fight_coverart.png

Damn I really do feel like Pedro Gomez, without all of the hair product. Not satisfied with the candidates that are Terry “Ass Grabbin” Bowden and Doc “Hi I’m Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC” Holiday, ESPN is reporting that Butch Jones, former assistant with the Mountaineers and current coach at Central Michigan, is getting a 2nd interview. Wow. Is this school so desperate for a coach that they go to Directional School Michigan??? This is West Virginia…

Posted in Big East, NCAA, Oklahoma sooners, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners | Tagged: | 14 Comments »

Go Warriors

Posted by Joel on December 25, 2007

I saw this story the other day on CSTV. It was about a grad assistant on the University of Hawaii football team named Brian Kajiyama. He has cerebral palsy, and is wheelchair bound. But that has not stopped him from contributing to the football team’s success. Currently, he is about to complete his Doctorate in Special Education and it was just announced that Kajiyama would make the trip to New Orleans with the team. He is at every home game on the sidelines, but has never gone on a road trip, until now. This guy has more drive and will then I and a lot of people that I know have. Anyway, here’s the clip. I still think Georgia will win, but I now am rooting for Hawaii…  

Posted in Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Hawaii Warriors | Leave a Comment »

West Virginia: One Big Clusterf**k

Posted by Joel on December 24, 2007

You know, I told myself I would not post anymore about Mountaineer football for a while, but then I come across this from Yahoo! Sports, this story from the Times West Virginia (Morgantown’s newspaper), and this post from the hardworking guys at Losers with Socks. Manna from heaven I tell you…

Let’s start with the first story. WV governor and former Mountaineer football player Gov. Joe Manchin is still chirping about the $4 million buyout clause in Rodriguez’s contract when he left for bigger and better at Michigan. Gov. Manchin does not believe that the school did not break promises by failing to build shiny new buildings and show financial commitment to the school. He sites an increase in Rodriguez’s pay (that was part of his contract), salary increases in assistant’s pay (Michigan pays better), and a new $2 million academic center for athletes (we see how well that worked out for Tennessee). Then he dropped this nugget: “I don’t know the intricacies of it. I’m speaking as a fan”.

119.jpg Hey Gov, this is the part where I say, “You’re the governor of the great state of West Virginia. Last I checked, West Virginia University was a state school, located inside your state. I would think that you of all people would know the details of what is going on at the state’s school, ESPECIALLY when it comes to the cash cow that is Mountaineer football. But then again, what do I know??? I don’t know the intricacies of it. I’m speaking as a college football fan.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, Sports, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, boston college | Tagged: | 10 Comments »

Saban’s Driving Skills are Much to be Desired

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 24, 2007

Come on Nick we’ll show to the Bear Bryant drunk tank.

Was it an attempted suicide? Was he fighting with his wife? Was counting the money he made for losing to Oh La La and not paying attention? Or, was Nick Saban further entrenching himself into the belief that he is the new Bear Bryant of Alabama and practicing driving drunk? Honestly I’m not sure but I know this, when I’m driving and see a tree in the middle of the damn road I stop. Apparently Saint Nick Saban doesn’t share the same thoughts on that subject.

University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban did not sustain any injuries after he was involved in a car accident on Saturday night, according to Tuscaloosa police spokesman Capt. Greg Kosloff.

Saban and his wife Terry were driving near the entrance of their neighborhood, the Crown Pointe subdivision of Tuscaloosa, when their car struck a tree that was down across the road, Kosloff said. The accident took place around 9:30 p.m.

Tree in the road be damned! Just like most things in Nicky’s life, he goes for the wins at full speed just ask the Miami Dolphins. And just like his NFL coaching career Nick didn’t win this battle.

“No one was injured in the one-car wreck, Kosloff said. Officers responded to the scene and a report was filled out. It was not immediately available.

Other than to call it a “mi­nor accident,” Kosloff said he had no further details.UA
football spokesman Jeff Purin­ton was not available for com­ment early Sunday morning.”

On a serious note I’m glad no one was injured because if they were that would mean I couldn’t make fun of Nicky’s driving skills. Notice how the report “isn’t available” and the athletic department isn’t commenting? Hmm…yeah Ok. Sounds like a conspiracy to me, maybe Tide Druid can chime in and in the mean time I’m calling Oliver Stone to investigate and hopefully he’ll make another historically incorrect movie about this event.

So I profess on this day 12/24/07.



Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bear is Dead, DUI, Nick Saban, SEC Coaches, alcoholics, scandal | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

“Study Hall Six”

Posted by Joel on December 22, 2007

In true Volunteer fashion, I have taken the reigns and will post about this story. In true Volunteer fashion, players have been suspended before a bowl game. This time the number is 6. I will affectionately call these players the “Study Hall Six”. Why did I come up with this name??? Because Study Hall is the one place these guys did not go this semester. If these guys actually did try to pass and go to study hall, with all of the resources and tutors available, then they should be Honorable Mention for the Jerrell Powe “Reading Rainbow” Award. Man I really miss Coach O…


Anyway, the “Study Hall Six” are made up of the following: WR Lucas Taylor, DT Demonte Bolden, LB Rico McCoy, LB Chris Donald, DB Ricardo Kemp, and WR Kenny O’Neal. Now I don’t want to hear about how there’s a conspiracy against these guys for not getting their studying done. Josh “Peter North” McNeil had 4 ways in his room (allegedly) and he was able to stay on the team. Jonathan Crompton of the “Fighting Cromptons” managed to keep his grades up. In a statement, Coach Fulmer offered these words: “We have every resource available through our academic center for academic success by our athletes in all of our sports. “In most of these cases, it was simply the student-athlete not being accountable and doing their work.” That last sentence translates to “These guys weren’t smart enough to cheat on their test like a Seminole football player would”.

Of course, one would ask “Why didn’t Fulmer take time away from feasting on delicious Luther burgers and make sure his players were going to class and making good grades”? I think that is a fair question. Certainly, one could argue that college is a time that prepares you for life, and Fulmer wanted to treat them like men. On the other hand, these are his student-athletes, and Pat Summitt and Joe Paterno are famous for showing up at their player’s classrooms occasionally, so he should also be responsible. All that I know is that the “Study Hall Six” didn’t do their job, but it should still be a win over Wisconsin, depending on which UT team decides to show up…

Side Note: Shane Reveiz, walk on LB, brother of Nick Reveiz and son of long time NFL kicker Fuad Reveiz, will soon undergo surgery after doctors found an abnormal growth on his heart during an electrocardiogram test. Tennessee routinely gives these tests to its student-athletes, and the problem was found then. Please keep the Reveiz family in your thoughts, especially during this time of year. To the Reveiz family, if you’re reading this, these 2 Volunteers at YMSWWC are with you during this time…

Posted in Florida State Seminoles, Fulmer, Go Vols, NCAA, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, football, fulmer sucks | 7 Comments »