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This song is for Chris Jessee
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 28, 2007
You know what sucks worse than having the flu and laryngitis on Christmas day? Being Chris Jessee that’s what. You see Chris Jessee is the stepson of Mack Brown and a member of the University of Texas football operations staff, who like a dumbass, was a few feet on the field and reached out to touch a live ball in the second quarter, taking away what would have been a huge turnover for the Longhorns and setting up a touchdown for Arizona State.
It must be hard being Chris Jessee. He is always constantly trying to live up to his step fathers expectations and he resembles Jimmy Clausen. So, since I know it sucks being around the holidays, I’ve come up with a catchy song that Bud Light can use for their “Real Men of Genius” series. I’m going to submit it to them and hopefully they’ll use it. If so then I’ll be sure to let Chris Jessee know that he was the inspiration and hopefully that’ll make him better and less like a complete moron.
Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(real men of genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. I’m a coach thanks to nepotism.
(Mr. I’m a coach thanks to nepotism)
You’ve shown us the real American dream: no skills, no future but thankfully the man banging your mom is a coach and he made you a coach as well
(Thank you mom for being a whore)
You stare in space during team meetings, forget when the season really starts & try to nail every cheerleader on campus.
(Rufees are my friend!)
And when you finally were allowed to stand on the sidelines during a big game, you touch a live ball.
(Hey mom I’m on TV)
People will always wonder why you aren’t fired even though you’re “family”.
(I caught dad masturbating to Flex magazine)
So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Coach Nepotism. You know the way to a man’s heart…you’re mom and the guilt trip you can lay because you’re real father isn’t around.
(Mr. I’m a coach thanks to nepotism)
Yeah I’m feeling better. Some of you might have noticed I haven’t been around. Well, duh…I’ve had the flu. So sorry to disappoint the few people that noticed my absence and sent e-mails wanting to know where I was buried so they may go defecate on my grave, I’m still around…and I’m feeling better bitches.
I’ve got a fresh bottle of Haterade and I intend to drink it and grab refills…
So I profess on this day 12/28/07.
TtT
zigzag said
Mack Brown dips snuff.
Headlines, Links & Lies… « Gate 21 said
[...] Legend of Chris Jessie Lives On — [...]