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Archive for January 6th, 2008

Clemens & McNamee…On The Next Maury Povich Show

Posted by Joel on January 6, 2008

Maury: Everyone, meet Brian McNamee. This man is a former trainer for the New York Yankees and has admitted to giving baseball players steroids. Now backstage is the only man to deny ever taking steroids from McNamee, Roger Clemens. Now before we bring Roger out, Brian, what’s your story???

Brian: Well Maury, I met “Rocket” in 1998 and he said that he needed” an edge”. So I told him about what I called “Gushy”, which is Winstrol. I call it Gushy because it makes you feel a little funny. Clemens said that he wanted “some”, so I took his pants off, bent him over, rubbed his nice round milky white buttocks, and stuck him. We did this for a long time, and now he wants to deny me. He OWES ME Damnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[crowd applause]

Maury: Before we bring Roger out, let’s see what he has to say:

[cue cheesy backstage video]

Roger: That boy is lyin’ through his meely mouth teeth, he didn’t shoot any (bleep) steroids in my ass!!! He did give me a shot, but it was B-12, just like my boy Tejada used. I’m the Rocket, I don’t need any mother (bleep) steroids. I can strike out the Tampa Bay Devil Rays when I turn 60. When this lie detector test comes back that I am not lying, I want you, Brian, that hasbeen political hack George Mitchell, the guy that always looks like a used car salesman Selig, to stay the hell away from me and kiss my scab filled ass when I go to Cooperstown…BITCH!!!

Maury: OK, so let’s bring him out. Here he is, Roger. Come on out Roger!!!

[Clemens comes out, security holds him and McNamee back. Crows goes nuts]

Maury: Now Roger, Brian says that he has seen your ass more times than Dakota’s nipples at the Bada Bing. You’re saying it’s not true???

Roger: (Bleep) no Maury it’s not true. He has never put any steroids in my ass or anything else in my ass. My ass is as firm and unblemished as the next 3rd world country baby that Madonna is gonna adopt. He maybe thinks he shot Connie Chung in the ass so she can grow taller!!!

[Audience groans. Maury has a pissed look on his face]

Maury: Let’s read these results!!!


Maury: We asked you Roger, if in 1998, you knowingly got a steroid shot from Brian. You said no, and the lie detector test determined that’s a lie.

Roger: BULL(BLEEP)!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brian does a stupid off rhythm dance. Think Carlton from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air]

Maury: Roger, you were asked at any point, if you EVER knowingly received steroids or HGH from Brian. You said no, and the lie detector test determined that’s a lie.

[Roger runs off stage and flops down on a couch. Brian gives the audience high 5's and chest bumps. Maury goes backstage and comforts the crying Clemens]

Maury: Now Roger, the truth is out. We can help you with this. All you have to do is follow this man to a drug treatment boot camp. Roger, meet D. West!!!

D. West: Git yo punk ass up!!! Why are you polluting yourself with these drugs??? Your body is a temple, and you have been defiling it!!! But we are gonna change that TODAY!!! And to help you, we are gonna go on an all expense paid trip to Camp Tie Off in Butte, Montana. Don’t worry, you won’t be alone. Britney Spears is gonna be there too…probably permanently…

Posted in MLB, Major League Baseball, baseball, new york yankees, steroids, yankees suck | Leave a Comment »

It’s January 6th Do You Know Where Your Teams OC Is? Because We Would Like To!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 6, 2008

Phil just what the hell is going on? Cutcliff has taken the coaching job at Duke and of course he’s taking some coaches with him and you’ve let Trooper Taylor get away, Yet you still haven’t hired an OC.

It’s nearly been three weeks surely you’ve found someone by now. You had interviews with Clemson offensive coordinator Rob Spence and San Francisco 49ers quarterbacks coach Frank Cignetti.

Rob Spence elected to stay where he is at and Cignetti just accepted the OC at Cal. I personally blame Abarclay and her singing abilities for that one. Of course the big orange nation was hopeful when we found out that former UT assistant Kippy Brown was in talks with Tennessee. Then the Detroit Lions promoted Brown to passing game coordinator and assistant head coach last week.

Tell me you aren’t planning on calling the plays yourself even though I’ll admit Tennessee averaged 420 yards of total offense and 31.3 points per game, when you were the OC.

The big orange nation will wait and ponder. I have an idea though how about making Jim Bob Cooter the new OC. There has to be reason you hired him. At this point majority of the big orange nation doesn’t care anymore.


Posted in Big Orange, Go Vols, Phillip Fulmer, Tennessee Volunteers, fire philip fulmer | 1 Comment »