Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for January 10th, 2008

A Primer For All New Volunteers

Posted by Joel on January 10, 2008

Specifically, this is meant for Ryan Mallett, who may be coming to Rocky Top (hopefully he will) and for any other future Vol…

*”Work Like Heck” has become Phil Fulmer’s rally call…

*East Knoxville is not exactly the place to hang out. Think DJay’s hood from “Hustle & Flow”. ..

*Unless you’re the QB, Pat Summitt’s girls are off limits. She’s sweet as pie, but cross her and you won’t like it. Think of Casey Clausen and Brittany Jackson..

*Ye Olde Steakhouse is a great place to grab a steak. The price may be a little steep for a college kid (if you wanted to get paid to go to class & play football, Florida State should be your choice of schools), but it is well-worth it. I personally enjoy the Rib Eye & Shrimp, with the Woodshed Potatoes.

*Students hang on “The Strip”, which is Cumberland Street, on weekends.

*Memorize the locations of any Krispy Kreme Doughnut shop around Knoxville. You might have to feed the Head Coach/Battle Captain and his Defensive Coordinator/First Mate.

*If you see rainbow flags in an unfamiliar neighborhood, turn the opposite way. Those flags are, well let’s just say, “Friendly”…

*”Work Like Heck”

*Old City has a few cool places to hang, and it is close to campus. When you go to a club there, just ask for the “Trooper” deal (wink wink)…

*Beware of the Legend of Sophie in Strong Hall…

*Shake Jim Haslam Jr’s hand whenever you see him. He’s a friend of all things Volunteer…

*Bruce Pearl is our version of Coach Ed Orgeron. Just think of that crazy uncle that thinks he’s 20 and will crush beer cans on his head. No, the beer cans don’t always have to be empty. I think that Will Ferrell based “Frank the Tank” from the movie “Old School” off of Coach O…

*Do not forget your trusty playbook. No, the graphics for the book did not come from Tecmo Bowl. Besides, you are too young to know about the magic of Tecmo Bowl. A grad assistant put it together on his trusty Compaq Presario back in 1997 and it has been passed down. Think of it as a family heirloom that has gotten old but Fulmer has decided to “Stay The Course”…

*On campus, you will run across ladies such as these

*Remember these 2 things: “I will give my all for Tennessee today” and, “Work Like Heck”…

Posted in All SEC Teams Beware!!, BCS, Bruce Pearl, College Football, Fulmer, NCAA, Phillip Fulmer, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, boosters, coach o | 2 Comments »

James Carville-Tell Us How You Really Feel

Posted by Joel on January 10, 2008

Posted in BCS, LSU Tigers, NCAA, Pac 10, Sports, big 10, big ten, big ten football | 3 Comments »

Finally, Some Good News for Tennessee and Meyer’s 1% of 1%

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 10, 2008

It’s rare when I actually find good things to report about my beloved Vols. It’s also rare that I report good things without sarcasm. Well, this will be good with sarcasm. Old Phil finally found a way to be more competitive with Florida, by stealing their running back coach Stan Drayton. To some it up in a nutshell Stan wasn’t happy at Florida but don’t my written words for it take his spoken instead.

“The offense we were running in Florida did not have much involvement with the running back,” he said during a news conference Wednesday night. “There was some frustration there, I must be honest with you.”

Florida had running backs this past year? Oh you mean Tebow, play action to himself, fakes pass, runs up the middle. That was Florida’s running game last year and it worked.

Drayton has been with the Gators since Herban Meyer took over the program, helping guide Florida to the 2006 SEC and national championships. While at Florida, Drayton developed a reputation for recruiting, and named him one of its top 25 recruiters for his role in the Gators’ 2007 signing class, which was ranked No. 1 in the nation by several services. Of course losing a bowl game to Michigan probably was a factor. I mean Tennessee did win their bowl game verses a Big Eleven Ten team.

So there Gators fans ppphhhpppttttt take that.

Drayton isn’t the only Gator abandoning Meyer. Bo Williams, Trent Pupello (a player they initially compared to Jeremy Shockey) and several other players are looking to transfer to other programs.

Meyers top 1% of the 1% of players across the nation, as he likes to call them will still be there if they don’t bolt to the NFL or wind up in jail first.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on some of Meyer’s players.

  • Marcus Thomas failed numerous drug tests for marijuana and GHB, yet miraculously was cleared to play during a stretch run that aided the Gators to the title.
  • Brandon James was busted with marijuana during a drug bust, where he had less than 20 grams of marijuana. His indefinite suspension lasted one game versus Western Kentucky.
  • Dorian Monroe decided that he was above the law, removing a parking boot from his car and putting it in his trunk. Remember, Florida was thin at defensive back, thus it was swept away, and how in the hell do you remove a parking boot anyway?
  • Ronnie “AK-47″ Wilson, was held out this season. But, it wasn’t due to the harsh penalties from Coach Meyer, it was the state law enforcement. Firing automatic weapons at people often leads to that.

Maybe Steve God Spurrier can learn a thing about discipline from Herban.

Other good news concerning Tennessee is the fact they handed Ole Miss their first loss of the season tonight, while winning their SEC opening game. Also rumors are circulating about Ryan Mallett leaving the Michigan football program and is strongly looking at Tennessee, but somehow I think Phil will fuck that up.

Posted in Big Orange, Bruce Pearl, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Go Vols, Herban Meyer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, Urban Meyer, bongs, fulmer sucks, jorts, satire, trailer trash | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »