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A Message To The Law Enforcement in Knoxville

Posted by Joel on January 23, 2008

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To: Chief Sterling Owen, IV, Chief of Police for Knoxville Police Department & Chief August Washington, Chief of UTPD

CC: Bill Haslam, Mayor of Knoxville, Coach Phillip Fulmer, Head Honcho, All Things Volunteer Football

From: Joel, Contributing Blogger for http://ymswwc.wordpress.com and Volunteer

Dear Sirs,

I would like to first take the opportunity to thank you kind men for reading this letter. I know that you are busy trying to keep the streets of Knoxville safe, the campus of the University of Tennessee secure, and the whole state proud of its team, the Volunteers. However, as a concerned fan, both of the school, the SEC Conference, and College Football in particular, I am a little bit concerned over what has happened thus far over the past few months concerning the Volunteer football program and police run ins. These concerns have led me to question myself and ask: What can I do as a fan and native Tennessean to help out, in true Volunteer fashion??? So far, this letter that I am typing with great conviction has been my call to arms.

Listen men, we simply cannot allow your fine officers to harass our football players. They have enough to deal with, such as studying, hanging with some friends, playing football, and representing Volunteers worldwide. These fine young men are doing what it takes to “Work Like Heck” and make us all proud. So what if they decide to have a drink to relax. Is it too much trouble to ask that they stumble around in public in peace??? That fight that went on at Gibbs Hall??? What you would call a fight is what a real officer would call a UFC amateur competition. Now, because of you, Coach Fulmer has to take time away from his 6 a.m. Krispy Kreme run just so that the team can engage in some early morning calisthenics months ahead of schedule in preparation for the upcoming difficult season. I don’t see Jim Tressel getting his whole entire team up to run their 6.8 second 40′s (because they are so fast at Ohio State). We all know how irritable Coach Fulmer and Coach Chavis can get when they don’t have their 8 dozen doughnuts and 3 gallon carafes of coffee before they eat breakfast…

As for the alleged marijuana incident with Gerald Jones, Ahmad Paige, and William Brimfield, they were victims of one big understanding. A real police officer would have concluded that the marijuana smell in the car was actually a new type of GHB scented car fragrance. The “marijuana cigarette”??? Mr. Paige simply had his car detailed at the car wash where they sprayed his car with the “Chronic Fresh” scent, and one of the workers there must have had the cigarette slip out of his pocket. See??? Charge a real criminal, not these boys. Now they have to go on police ride alongs as punishment; at the very least, let them watch Season 1 of Reno: 911. I mean, having to suffer through the antics of Officers Jones and Garcia is punishment enough, much less Clementine, Weigel, Junior, and Lt. Dangle. More importantly, we lost two recruits to Oklahoma, which has a history of allowing players to roam free…

Josh “McLovin” McNeil should have been given a handshake and a pat on the back, not a ticket and a court summons. He graciously hosted 3 ladies in his room of his apartment and was bothering no one. The cat was the one that knocked the flower pot through the window. Let’s think about it: realistically, the chances of getting 2 women in the bed with the average guy is slim to none, McNeil got 3. I personally will shake his hand, no, I will HUG him if I ever meet him, as he “Volunteered” to host 3 women at once. God bless him…

In closing, boys will be boys. Who among us did not have a drink or 10 when we were 18??? Marijuana you say??? In The Netherlands, they would call that “Herbal Refreshment”. Guns??? I always thought the Constitution guaranteed us the right to bear arms??? Listen, we need to get together as a community and realize what our priorities are, which should be Volunteer Athletics. Think of a world with 1 and 2 star recruits on the field on Saturdays. People will be blaming Fulmer for poor recruiting, but if you keep harassing the players, the blame will be on you, because the real stars will be too busy with court dates and probation.

Thank you for your time and GO BIG ORANGE!!!

3 Responses to “A Message To The Law Enforcement in Knoxville”

  1. *sniff* This was beautiful. I still don’t know how McLovin McNeil got 3 girls in one bed with as dopey-ass ugly as he is, but hey, wearing o’ the Big Orange Jersey does do wonders for us lady-folk. [In all fairness, I dated a two-sport athlete when I was at UT, so yeah, I know from experience.]

    I bet if you printed this up and attached to the inside cover of Fulmer’s donut box that he might actually notice. Or else eat it. That’s one way to “digest” what you’re saying! :)

  2. Joel said

    Well for some reason, no one from KPD or UTPD has gotten back to me about my concerns. Maybe they are developing a game plan on these “series of actionable items” that I have presented them…

  3. [...] A Message To The Law Enforcement in Knoxville and a Song on the Epic Tale of Rich Rodriguez – YMSWWC [...]

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