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Archive for January 25th, 2008

The Legend of Brian “The Roaming Gnome” VanGorder

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 25, 2008


It’s only a matter of time

It’s a story of betrayal, passion & greed. After five weeks of fruitless searches Steve God Spurrier thought he finally found his man. On December 19, 2007, Steve Spurrier’s official website, I still think I can coach.com, reported that VanGorder was joining Spurrier’s staff to become the new Defensive Coordinator for the University of South Carolina Fighting Gamecocks.

What Spurrier didn’t know was that VanGorder was pulling an extended Bobby Cremins on him and the Gamecock nation. (Snicker)

VanGorder really pulled the wool over the Ole Ball Sack coach’s eyes. Here are some of the comments that Steve God Spurrier had to say about VanGorder’s arrival.

“Blowing your assignment just can’t be acceptable. We just do those things way too often,” Spurrier said. VanGorder “is used to coaching very good defense. … I got to believe we’ll play better.”

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“I just think he’s a real, good sharp guy who can really lead our defense,” Spurrier said. “And he’ll be in charge.”

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“I think at this point stability is very, very important to me and my family,” he said. “The three-year contract is nice and I think that’s a statement for everybody. My intentions are to be at South Carolina and to be there a long time.”

VanGorder played the part perfectly as well. Here are some zingers he threw out there.

“I’m a college guy, I’ve declared. I’m committed”

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“There are a couple things that attracted me there, starting with coach Spurrier,” VanGorder said.

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“Second, I’m very aware of the South Carolina situation, I like the intensity of their program, it’s a very exciting place to play.

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“And the location is comfortable for my wife and children.”

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“I’ll enjoy all the things about college football that I always have and I won’t look back at the NFL,” he said. “That’s something I’ve put behind. I’m ready to finish my career as a college football coach.”

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“I experienced something very similar [to Petrino] at Georgia Southern,” VanGorder said. “When you transition a program, especially in the first year, you have to take on a lot of issues. When you’ve been in the business and had nothing but success and your standards and expectations are so high, that first year can really, really grind on you.”

Spurrier was eating it up as well as the local press. Then on January 24, 2008 less than a month of arriving in Columbia, VanGorder either decided that Spurrier was to lax on discipline or the USC cheerleaders were to fat and decided to bolt back to Atlanta and become the defensive coordinator for the Falcons.

Well played VanGorder like they say in those Guinness commercials “Brilliant!”

Spurrier the Old Ball Sack coach wasn’t licked yet. After one phone call he had decided to hire another defensive coordinator and teach Bobby “Quitter” Petrino a lesson on how karma can be a big bad bitch at times.

Now welcome the third defensive coordinator for the Gamecocks in 8 weeks, Ellis “I was the second choice” Johnson. Johnson and VanGorder are both cut from the same mold. Both seem to quit within weeks after taking a job and neither one of them had signed contracts yet.

“Ellis Johnson has resigned as defensive coordinator,” Petrino said Thursday. “I spoke with Coach Johnson this morning and he felt like this is the best decision for his family. I certainly understand that. He and his wife are both from South Carolina and many of their relatives still reside in the state.”

And does Spurrier have to say about fucking over Arkansas?

“That’s Arkansas‘s problem now.”

Stay classy Old Ball Sack Coach but remember you could have had this man….


Coach 0 after 2 weeks of hard drinking and in a roid rage. yaw yaw yaw

Posted in Arkansas Razorbacks, Atlanta Falcons, Bobby Petrino, NFL, NFL Football, SEC, SEC Football, USC, VanGorder, boo birds | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »