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The Wheels on the South Carolina Gamecocks Moped Go Round & Round

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 28, 2008

Before I begin this rant I’m going to warn you that it is extremely biased. Not because it involves South Carolina but because I detest and loath those who ride mopeds. Every time I happen to be running late for work because I over slept due to a hard night of dwarf tossing or having sex with my ex who’s from Sparkle City. (that’s gangster for Spartanburg) For some reason we remain “friends”. I seem to get behind some 350+lbs. buffoon who happens to ride a moped.

It’s always the same idiot as well. He wears a helmet with a fucking spike in the middle. The spike in his helmet doesn’t erase the tag that says “moped”. Why doesn’t the police make him use a tag that says “DUI” instead? Why else would a 45 year old drive a moped in 20 degree weather in the first place? If I didn’t love my Acura RL so much I would gently tap his rear wheel going about 45 mph.

So when Jai Eugene of Loser With Socks sent me this story tip, I knew I had to act. I would have written this sooner but it was the weekend when he sent it and I’m a real slacker on the weekends. Plus I was rather enthralled with his piece on the 25th anniversary of the passing of Bear Bryant. I highly recommend everyone to go there right and read it then finish this up.

OK you’re back, good. Jai Eugene asked some interesting questions about the fact that Steve God Spurrier has to remind his team of moped safety.

Such as:

  • How do 30 players on a team all end up with mopeds?
  • Is this a recruiting issue:
  • What’s your 40 time?
  • How much can you squat?
  • What color is your Vespa?

Those are very good questions indeed but I have some of my own.

  • Why is the moped fairy only gracing USC?
  • Is it because they feel sorry for USC because they’re mediocre in almost every sport?
  • Does the NCAA regulate the amount of mopeds a schools football program can have?
  • Are any of the 30 or so players associated with the “Moped Army“?
  • Does this have any bearing on the fact the USC offense ran just like a moped? Except with a lot more sputtering.

I contacted my source within the USC football program and to clear things up the players aren’t using Vespas, they’re using the cheap Slovenian manufacturer Tomos mopeds instead. No one knows why so many USC players have these mopeds or if the school supplied them with the mopeds. All anyone is sure about is Steve God Spurrier is concerned about moped safety and held a class about it this past week. Why is Spurrier going through such measures? Well, as the story says:

Backup tight end Nick Prochak was hospitalized with a broken leg after being struck by a car Jan. 18 on Blossom Street; reserve fullback Clark Gaston avoided serious injury when he collided with a car backing out of a driveway on South Marion Street on Wednesday afternoon..

“Guys can’t see you as well as being in a car so everybody’s got to be careful,” Gaston said. “My situation, the guy just pulled out in front of me, and there was nothing I could do.”

Neither player was wearing a helmet, which are required for drivers under 21 in South Carolina.

Wow USC players breaking the most common and idiotic laws, who would have thought it.

Freshman quarterback Stephen Garcia, one of about 30 players with scooters, said Spurrier addressed the issue during a team meeting.

“He just said, ‘Be careful and wear a helmet,’ ” Garcia said.

What a teacher Spurrier is!!! The sad reality is instead of recruiting and coming up with defensive schemes with the brand new defensive coordinator, God Spurrier has been reduced to telling his players to be careful. I would think that’s something they should have known. Oh wait he threw that hissy fit and got the school to actually change the policy guidelines so even Jerrell Powe could get in, so maybe the players really are that stupid.

My source also sent me a recent recruiting video.

8 Responses to “The Wheels on the South Carolina Gamecocks Moped Go Round & Round”

  1. Arlo said

    At both schools I’ve gone to U of Tulsa and U of Georgia, mopeds were very common among athletes. This isn’t just something at South Carolina.

  2. True Arlo but I have heard Mark Richt have to give a lecture to his players because they keep getting hit. :)

  3. John T said

    The major disagreement that I have is that you forgot that SC is not mediocre when it comes to baseball. The other sports I will agree with, but not baseball. They are one of the, if not the, most consistant powers not only in the SEC but also in the nation. The track team is also pretty good.

  4. “SC is not mediocre when it comes to baseball.”

    I agree that’s why I said almost every sport. Ray Tanner is good coach and he doesn’t put up with BS. You make a mistake and you’re off the team. With Spurrier you hold a gun in the view of a campus police officer, you’re suspended for 2 games.

    USC does have a good baseball program but to be great they need to win a title.

  5. Daryl said

    It’s jerks like you that make riding a moped unsafe. What’s the difference between encountering a bicycle with a little girl on it. A moped is not supposed to be operated on a street with a speed limit higher than 35mph in most states and is supposed to stay to the right, just like a bicycle. So, you’d ram me at 45? If I wasn’t dead, I’d get up and put a couple of 9mm slugs through your stupid fucking brain.

  6. “It’s jerks like you that make riding a moped unsafe. What’s the difference between encountering a bicycle with a little girl on it. A moped is not supposed to be operated on a street with a speed limit higher than 35mph in most states and is supposed to stay to the right, just like a bicycle.”

    So you’re a 45 year old male that’s had a prior DUI and weighs 350 lbs+? Wow…can we say loser. The little girl would be on the sidewalk and cuter for one thing. But as I said I love my car to damage it so actually I stated I wouldn’t ram you. Dumbass. Reading comprehension…catch the fever.

    Also mopeds aren’t supposed to be ridden on the highway but they are in this state.

    “If I wasn’t dead, I’d get up and put a couple of 9mm slugs through your stupid fucking brain.”

    Wow I work with a guy that struck by car going 50 when he was on his 10 speed and yet he’s alive and fully functioning. I guess he is tougher than you…so it would make sense as to why you would need a gun…only cowards needs guns.

  7. Daryl said

    The referrence to blowing your brains out was just letting off steam. I don’t even own a gun. As I said, it’s people with your “implied” mentality that make it dangerous for people riding a moped, a scooter, even a bicycle, which, by the way, are allowed on streets with a 35mph (or less) speed limit. Also, if you’ve lost your drivers license because of a DUI, you can’t ride a scooter legally either. You must have a valid Drivers License to operate a scooter/moped. It is my “right”, to operate a moped. It is your “responsibility” to yeild to a moped, or a bicylist, just the same as a pedestrian. It made me angry to see your post. Somebody that is a real lunatic could act it out. You should not make such comments. I ride my scooter because I get over 100mpg. That’s more gas for you, and me. When gas hits $4+ a gallon, I will be smilin’ as I cruise down the barren streets. And, no, my scooter only carries 185lbs, plus 20lbs cargo. And, yes, I have a drivers license. Maybe I cleared up the “Dumbass” part here. Cheers and Go Vols!

  8. “As I said, it’s people with your “implied” mentality that make it dangerous for people riding a moped, a scooter, even a bicycle, which, by the way, are allowed on streets with a 35mph (or less) speed limit. Also, if you’ve lost your drivers license because of a DUI, you can’t ride a scooter legally either.”

    According to the laws in my state…one can operate a moped at the age of 13 without a license…since you’re a master of the moped you should know that laws vary state to state. As for my implied mentality I certainly am having you respond back easily enough. That’s a good puppet.

    “It made me angry to see your post. Somebody that is a real lunatic could act it out. You should not make such comments.”

    If it makes you angry then don’t return…either way if someone is going to react to words on a screen then they have far greater issues that should be dealt with. Do you take such a sanctimonious bullshit stance with the writings of Stephen King as well? I didn’t think so.

    “When gas hits $4+ a gallon, I will be smilin’ as I cruise down the barren streets. And, no, my scooter only carries 185lbs, plus 20lbs cargo. And, yes, I have a drivers license.”

    Gas already hit $4.00 a gallon a few months ago…the streets were far from being barren as well…you see people with good paying jobs can afford gas, it’s as simple as that.

    “Maybe I cleared up the “Dumbass” part here. ”

    Yep it’s pretty clear you’re a dumbass.

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