Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for January 30th, 2008

“Terrible” Terry Tate is Back!!! Sweetness

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 30, 2008

Posted in Terry Tate, satire | Leave a Comment »

T.O. Learns That Tears Like Tebow Can be Costly.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 30, 2008

It was revealed that the tears of Terrell Owens cost him $769,120 yesterday. Shyam Das an arbitrator ruled against T.O. and the NFL Players Union.

The union disputed the Eagles’ effort to recover $1.725 million of the $2.3 million signing bonus the team paid the wide receiver when it signed him to a seven-year, $48.97 million deal in 2004.

When asked about the ruling Das said:

“I would have given the Eagles franchise the entire $1.725 million but that little bitch Owens starting balling like a baby. Just because I’m a court appointed arbitrator who holds two separate degrees, doesn’t mean I’m heartless.”

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said this month he plans to pay Owens a $3 million roster bonus, so the All-Pro should have some extra cash to pay the Eagles.

“The original roster bonus was $1.5 million but his whining and crying was giving me a headache”

Tony Romo was quoted as saying:

“Great just I need another bitch calling me in the middle of the night and crying on the phone.”

To sum things up:

T.O. says “Get your popcorn ready!”

The NFL says “Get your checkbook ready!”

Disclaimer: As if it were not completely obvious, this article is complete crap and is purely the result of the unbalanced mind of the author. It is a fictional parody, and is not intended to be taken as fact. Neither this posting, those who created it, nor this blog are in anyway affiliated with the Philadelphia Eagles, NFL & T.O.’s cried out tear ducts or any of their staff.

Disclaimer to the first disclaimer: I borrowed some most of the wording for the disclaimer from Lawvol at Gate 21. Since he’s a real lawyer I hope he doesn’t mind.

Posted in Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones, Little Bitch, NFL Football, T.O., Terrell Owens, Tony Romo | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

This weeks Isiah Thomas sucks Post

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 30, 2008

Things aren’t really getting better for Isiah Thomas. It seems that his son Joshua “I’m a fuck up like dad except with less talent” Thomas was arrested recently by Bloomington Indiana police, for disorderly conduct and drinking alcohol while still being a minor.

The kicker is he was arrested after the Po Po had taken him to a local hospital to treat a swollen eye. Apparently someone in the bar hit him with a bottle or their fist. I wonder if that person was a New York Knicks fan. Oh wait never mind if they were then he would have been kidnapped and held until Thomas resigned.

When that day happens I’ll be ready to take over for Thomas. Here’s a detailed list of things I would do to make the Knicks a winning franchise again.

  1. Dangle Stephon Marbury off the Brooklyn Bridge, while asking him if he is ready to become a team player yet.
  2. Hire about 40,000 new fans.
  3. Show Eddie Curry tough love by ridiculing him for not going to college.
  4. Add Jason Kidd, Gilbert Arenas, Chauncey Billups & Steve Nash to the roster hoping to lure Tim Hardaway out of retirement.
  5. To promote team building exercises by having the team attack & disfigure James Dolan.
  6. Remind the players that every cog in the Knicks Franchise is important while they’re washing and waxing my car.
  7. Knowing what this team needs most is security and confidence that only a Hall of Fame coach can provide, try to re-hire Larry Brown.

Posted in Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, NBA, New York Knicks, Stephon Marbury, boo birds, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »