Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Reinstitute Operation: Keep The Tigers Out The Clubs!!!!!!!

Posted by Joel on February 6, 2008

According to reports out of Memphis, University of Memphis forward Robert Dozier has been accused of hitting his ex-girlfriend, LaParis Woods. The incident happened on 2/6/08 at 3:30 am. Apparently, Dozier and Woods were at Plush nightclub (conveniently located on world-famous Beale St) and left the club in the early hours. Woods, according to the report, was followed in her car by Dozier before they both pulled over. After an argument, Dozier allegedly hit Woods twice with an open hand. In the interest of full disclosure, here is a pic of Ms. Woods:

m_d9816b9c074e70e3e37d8141743d84bb.jpg

I know the pic is small, but nothing, and I mean nothing, says classy like gold thigh high boots posing in front of an airbrushed pic of a bottle of Moet….

Sound familiar??? This is the second time that the Tigers have found trouble, ironically at the same club. Back in September, sophomore Shawn Taggart and freshman Jeff Robinson were arrested and charged with inciting a riot (yes, you read that right) after senior Joey Dorsey allegedly started trouble. Truly, Dorsey showed “senior leadership”.

After the first incident, coach John Calipari initiated a curfew for Tiger players, encouraging people to take pics with cell phones if any Tiger players were seen out after curfew, especially at night clubs in Memphis. Once the season started, he lifted the ban.

OK, I am calling out all the citizens of Memphis. Nothing good happens after midnight. People get in more trouble after 12 am and if you feed a Mogwai, it turns into a Gremlin (God Phoebe Cates was hot). Get together and keep these guys occupied. Idle time is the devil’s workshop. Do NOT let them into any of the clubs, including Plush, Premiere, Senses, bars such as Wet Willie’s, Pat O’Brien’s, or any titty bars like Platinum Rose, Ebony & Lace, and any other bars that have not been shut down due to the “Public Nuissance” crackdown. Here is a short list of things that you can do if you see ANY members of the basketball team that are not in class, at practice, or study hall:

*Have you been to the Memphis Zoo lately??? They probably haven’t either.

*The Stax Museum is always informational.

*Take a Tiger player and his girlfriend to the Memphis Botanical Gardens.

*The Memphis Symphony Orchestra will be doing its 14th annual “MLK Tribute” featuring the Central High School Chorus (my old high school).

If all else fails, take them to Gus or A&R BBQ, grab an ice cream cone from Dixie Queen, and take them back to the dorm. If the Tigers don’t make it to the NCAA Final Four and win the whole damn thing, don’t blame them if half of the bench is locked up in 201 Poplar. It will be Memphians who are at fault. Just ask yourself the following questions: What time is it??? Why are the Tigers at the club again??? And what can I do to get these guys out of the club and back to the dorm…safely??? If all else fails, if they are at the plush, there is a church right around the corner. Pray that something else doesn’t happen.

phoebe_cates_closeup.jpg

Phoebe Cates headshot from the 80′s…

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <pre> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>