Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

West Virginia Is Trying To Imitate An SEC School…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by Joel on February 7, 2008

Ah yes West By God Virginia. Apparently, if making the news for fake degrees, suing former football coaches, and, well, being West Virginia was not enough, now the football players are trying to imitate an SEC team. Which SEC team??? I will get to that in a minute…

New Mountaineer coach Bill Stewart has recently announced that LB John Holmes (insert porn joke here), DL James Ingram (no relation to soul singer of the same name), and RB Ed Collington (I got nothing here) are no longer on the team. They will be able to retain their scholarships through the end of the spring semester. These 3 geniuses were pulled over for speeding. When the police opened the car, they detected the smell of the “stickiest of the icky” commonly called in Gainesville Gunja-Aid or in Knoxville known as a Recruiting Tool (which obviously didn’t work due to the crappy signing class). Upon searching the vehicle, baggies of the “green stuff” were found both in the car and in Ingram’s shoe. Wait, it gets better: Ingram told the cops that more weed was located in their apartment. Try not to shake your head so hard.

So of course, thanks to a helpful hint from Deputy Barney Fife, the cops search the apartment and found a lot more drugs and bags. Now, because McGruff the Crime ‘Eer told the cops about the extra weed and baggies, they are facing several more felony charges than they would have been if he had just kept his mouth shut. Either he had a moment of clarity because he knew he was doing wrong, or that weed was so good that he just had to tell the cops in hopes they would buy some. Of course, I wonder where that weed will end up once the trial is over with. Someone should have told these 3 that couches are the thing to burn in Morgantown, not blunts…

Now I know which SEC team that WVU reminds me of, and honestly it only took a few seconds of reflection because well, this is West Virginia we are talking about. The school is Thomas’ favorite whipping boy, the University of South Carolina. Let’s examine a little further. Both the Mountaineers and the Gamecocks have losing all-time bowl records, neither school has won a national championship in football but their in-state rivals (Marshall and Clemson) both have national titles, both fanbases have an over inflated sense of entitlement, and both have had players that have done some of the most head scratching things to get in trouble with the cops that you can think of.

So there you have it. The Mountaineers and the Gamecocks are now 2 kindred spirits. West Virginia can say with pride that even though their athletics department is slightly more organized than Iraq circa 2003, they can say with pride that they are almost at an SEC level. Nothing will stop the ‘Eer and ‘Cock Connection from years of mediocrity and no glory to speak of. Long live ‘Eer and ‘Cock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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9 Responses to “West Virginia Is Trying To Imitate An SEC School…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

  1. Rumor has it that the three were selling drugs and giving the money to Rich Rodriguez so he can pay off WVU.

  2. Joel said

    Yeah I think that was the “Weed for Rich” Fund…

  3. “couches are the thing to burn in Morgantown, not blunts…”

    will forever be used in any future drug indicents in Morgantown. classic!

  4. Joel said

    If I had Photoshop, I would have taken a pic of The Guy from Half-Baked sitting on a couch surrounded by flames, complete with WVU logo…

  5. Awhite said

    If your using the term mediocrity than you have to use it in a comparative sense, and since you seem to be more happy your team is in the SEC, than how your team is doing (I dont blame you who could be excited about this UT team)lets compare it to another SEC team…How about Alabama??? 7 national titles in modern era to your 1… Wouldn’t that kind of make you mediocre…or maybe less? Oh, and I heard the Tide are back. I look forward to seeing them own you for the next 10 years..Maybe you could have the band learn another song…That way you would have two totaland the fans could have some sort of entertainment..I’m just really starting to associate Rocky Top to losing…

  6. Joel said

    Leave it to a nutjob Bammer to post such a fine comment.

    If you were reading (I know this post was a little different than Green Eggs & Ham), you would notice that I made several examples of how these two teams were alike.

    But since you left that comment, allow me to retort. UT last won a National Title in 1998 during the BCS Era. When was Alabama’s last National Title??? Yes, historically Alabama has had a lot more glory than most programs. However, lately, Alabama has sucked. Yes, Nick Saban outcoached Fulmer this year. But Alabama lost to a Sun Belt team AT HOME!!! Yes, it looks like Alabama had a very good recruiting class, but as your own coach said once “Football games at won in a high school’s home, but on a college football field.” Until then, you are paying $4 million to a coach for a 7-6 record. Oh, Auburn currently owns you, and Fulmer usually beats you like a drum.

    Oh, yeah “Rammer Jammer” is great, but I love Auburn’s version. Got 6 in a row???

  7. Tim said

    oh so very incredibily clever…writing this blog is undoubtably the highlight of a mundane and hopeless existencie..lemme guess..your in your parents at Burger King..been fired and rehired 4 a 73 Pinto…still a virgin..have horrible acne…braces…loves Britney Spears and Oprah..collects Barbie and Ken Dolls..tells everyone he weighs 250..but its more like 335lbs..wears bellbottoms and platforms with sequined shirts..has a $200 sex phone bill per month..loves spaghettio,s and animal crackers..has glasses 3 in thick with tape in the middle and is the defanition of geek!

  8. Well I can’t speak for Joel the author of this piece but let me try to guess somethings about you. You’re uneducated most likely working the counter of a tire store. Never went to college and most likely never took the SAT since you only have a GED.

    Now how did I know this? It’s simple really.

    You misspelled incredibly, undoubtedly, existence and definition. You also used the word “your” improperly, most people with a middle school education knows the correct way.

    Sucks being stupid huh?

  9. Joel said

    How about this “Tim”??? Instead of trying so hard to describe me, which in essence you have really described yourself, let me tell you this: I am married, hold a college degree, in shape, and pay my fair share of taxes. You on the other hand, between the horrible grammar and even worse spelling, how about you apply to your local Job Corps and take up some English classes??? That way, you can actually read the instructions this year on setting up your inflatable above ground pool, because after all, above ground pools are the true definition of “success”…

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