Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for February 13th, 2008

Fulmer Gives Two the Boot. Only 83 more Players to go.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 13, 2008

Some people (like me for instance) feel that Coach Fulmer has been a little to weak in discipline lately. In fact he’s been so weak in this department as of late he is reminding me of Steve God Spurrier.

Walk-on Vince Faison was arrested on Feb. 2 for DUI. His punishment was suspended two games. Pathetic.

Freshmen wide receivers Gerald Jones and Ahmad Paige were charged with possession of marijuana on Jan. 11 while hosting a recruit on his official visit. Police found marijuana in a vehicle driven Jones. Their punishment is that they’re not be allowed to host a recruit for one year, and all will be subject to more frequent drug testing in addition to performing community service at a drug rehabilitation facility and participating in a police ride-along. “Twirling Finger in the Air Movement”

UT police arrested freshman tailback Daryl Vereen on Jan. 21 for public intoxication. His punishment was community service with a drug rehabilitation facility, participating in police ride-alongs and a semester-long curfew. La De Freaking Da

Knoxville police arrested junior All-SEC offensive lineman Anthony Parker on Jan. 26 for disorderly conduct at an off-campus apartment. His punishment was not limited to, morning runs, curfew, community service and participation in police ride-alongs. My heart bleeds.

Now enter sophomore linebacker Dorian Davis and sophomore safety Antonio Wardlow. I’m not sure what they did but they have been dismissed from the team for an unspecified violation of team rules.

Based on the others and their punishments I’ve mentioned, I’m guessing they committed a double murder with arson to boot. Georgia fans should remember Wardlow he appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated after blocking a punt and recovering it in the end zone in a victory at Georgia. You know where we hung “half a hundred”.

I know this post isn’t as funny as usual but the photoshop is sweet No it isn’t…ugh.

Posted in Discipline, Go Vols, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks | Leave a Comment »

The Chris Berman Meltdown V.2

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 13, 2008

Second Time post this. You Tube and ESPN have decided to be dicks. Where there’s a will there’s way. :) Since it auto loads & plays and that pisses me off… Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Chris Berman, ESPN, Evil Empire, NFL Football, Sports | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

Kelvin Sampson Needs A Hug

Posted by Joel on February 13, 2008

Kelvin Sampson, head basketball coach of Indiana University, is in trouble AGAIN for recruiting violations. While he was at Oklahoma, the Sooners were seemingly on the NCAA’s speed dial. I was never a fam of Sampson, with the ugly style of basketall his teams play, the blue dress shirts that he wears, and his focus on his players having Ultimate Warrior-like “intensity”. Well, until the details come out, I’ll have more later. I just find it ironic that former school president Myles Brand ran off coach Bobby Knight, who ran a clean program, and now has a coach that had probation follow him to Indiana. Until more details come out, I vaguely recall a Degree deodorant commercial that Sampson was in back in the 90′s. He just might need a case of the stuff.

Posted in Big 12, Bobby Knight, College Basketball, Crime & Punishment, Indiana Hoosiers, NCAA, Oklahoma sooners, basketball, big 10, big ten, boosters, cheaters | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Breaking News Congress Cancels The Baseball Steroid Hearings!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 13, 2008

In move more shocking than controversial Congress has agreed to cancel the hearings involving steroid use so they can focus on more ways of screwing the American worker & Spy Gate as well.

A radical solution was reached late Tuesday night when George Mitchell revealed he was sick of the whole issue and has been talking with Vince Mcmahon the chairman of WWE Entertainment.

“Look this is boring the hell out of me now. I’m tired. What do you say boys, let’s grab a keg and watch the outcome of Pay-Per-View.” Mitchell said.

Vince McMahon’s solution is simple. In a phone interview with Mcmahon he stated:

“Mr. Mitchell has agreed to allow me to come up with a resolution and that’s what I have done. There will be a series four of battle royals involving all the names mentioned in the Mitchell report. The four winners of battle royals will then face each other in a Texas Death Cage match. Everything is legal and the first person who exits the cage will be declared innocent of all accusations” said McMahon.

.

McMahon want on further to say “But that’s not all. There will be a special “Hardcore I Submit” match between Roger Clemens & Brian McNamee. Clemens will be managed by his wife Debbie and McNamee will be managed by Andy Pettitte. The first person that makes the other person say I submit will be declared the winner and get to spray paint the word “Liar” on the losers back. It’s going to be exciting! John Rocker will be the special guest referee. I can’t wait”

Chris Shays (R-CT) said “Hot damn! I love me some wrassling! Why didn’t we think of this before?”

This bonanza of a Pay-Per-View event is too held Sunday March 9th at a cost of $39.95. Contact your local cable provider for more details.

Disclaimer: As if it were not completely obvious, this article is complete crap and is purely the result of the unbalanced mind of the author. It is a fictional parody, and is not intended to be taken as fact. Neither this posting, those who created it, nor this blog are in anyway affiliated with MLB, WWE, Congress & Debbie Clemens ultra fine self or any of their staff.

Posted in Brian McNamee, MLB, Mitchell Report, Roger Clemens, Vince Mcmahon, WWE, satire, steroids | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Chris Berman & Al Michaels to Fight After the 3:15 Bell Today

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 13, 2008

This is why Chris Berman is never invited to the orgies that are hosted by Al Michaels and Marv Albert. Listen to the very last line.

Posted in Al Michaels, Chris Berman, ESPN, NFL | 1 Comment »

Urban Meyer’s Wife Can’t Recruit Worth a Damn

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 13, 2008

Shelley, Urban gave you one simple objective. Keep the recruits entertained. But you went and fucked it up. Way to go.

According to the South Bend Tribune, Braxston Cave a Notre Dame commitment was recently asked what was the most interesting thing he heard while going through the recruitment process. His answer is rather astonishing and it involved the wife of Urban Meyer.

“(He) had me talk to his wife, so that was kind of interesting,” Cave said. “Basically, the weather and how they were on the boat and all this stupid crap.”

Well, she certainly impressed him. What was he expecting a conversation about the spread option offense?

Posted in Florida Gators, Florida Sucks, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, SEC Coaches, Urban Meyer, notre dame sucks | 2 Comments »