Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for March, 2008

Hey Kenneth Page We Want a Refund!

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on March 31, 2008

Kenneth my boy! I Fed Ex’ed that $10,000 in good faith. Our agreement was $10,000 for an “official visit” and an additional $90,000 upon signing with Bama. rtr Not for you to pocket the money and sign with Clemson.

As an official Grand Dragon Master of the Tide Nation I demand a freaking refund. You have no idea how many text books our good players fenced in order to raise that money. Tell ya what you refund the money promptly and the Tide won’t crush by Clemson by 50, we will crush them by 49. Is that a deal? Remember Bama Nation is watching you…just like we were watching your Myspace when you posted that photo. RTR


I bet that’s a nasty Tennessee shirt he’s wearing. rtr!

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Clemson Tigers | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Logan Young: Sacrificial Lamb

Posted by Little Bear Cub on March 31, 2008

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Look at Mr. Young. He looks so peaceful, stoic, determined, and defiant. Damned all of the legal troubles, he is a true sacrifice for the institution that we call Alabama football. I love this pic of Mr. Young. Hanging on the wall behind him is God in houndstooth, Coach Bryant. I dare not call Mr. Young by his first name, because he is too important in the annals of Alabama football.

Some of us members of the now “Saban Nation” have distanced ourselves from Mr. Young. Not me. I fully embrace Mr. Young for his efforts to make sure that ‘Bama Ball keeps its rightful place among the top of college football. USC, Notre Dame, Ohio State, and Michigan football be damned. Alabama IS college football and the sacrifice that Mr. Young has made should be a shining example of giving up yourself for the greater good of Alabama football. RTR…

I am getting almost misty eyed writing this, but if I can get at least one of my fellow ‘Bama brethern to see the light, then I will gladly dehydrate by ocular extraction for the greater good. After all, Mr. Young gave the ultimate gift in the name of Alabama football, so a few lost tears won’t hurt.

Last December, before I made my winter hunting trip to Shreveport, I was in the Bass Pro Shop in Prattville looking for a brand new Benelli Super Nova w/ Steady Grip. This gun is perfect for hunting the native nutria in Shreveport. As I was holding the piece, a vision came upon me. As I made my purchase, I decided to name this particular gun Mr. Young. This gun would be used to pierce the hearts and heads of any prey that may come before me, just as Mr. Young used his incredible finances to ensure recruits land at Alabama. Anyway, after we set up our nutria blind in Shreveport, I got my gear on and loaded Mr. Young. As I laid down cabbage leaves in the nutria kill zone, I raced back to the blind until the first critter came out. I grabbed Mr. Young, saw the creature through my Bushnell scope, and squeezed the trigger. I caught that nutria right between the eyes. Mr. Young was accurate and deadly, just like the original. We ate plenty of nutria that night in December, along with some Golden Flake chips and a Coke, just like Bear did. The next night, we watched the Tide roll over those pagans from Colorado.

Mr. Young, you are gone, but this Little Bear Cub will never forget you or the sacrifice that you made for the University of Alabama. ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Asphyxiation, Ass Whipping, BCS, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, College Football, Crimson Tide, DUI, Dead Drunk, ESPN, Florida Sucks, Football Poll, Fulmer, Logan Young, Mascots, NCAA, Nick Saban, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Phillip Fulmer, Po Po, Police, Rips Media, Roll Tide, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, Saban, Scams, alcoholics, armed robbery, ass chewing, boosters, cheaters, fire philip fulmer, football, fulmer sucks, killer, legal troubles, mentally challenged, mobsters, moral victories, moron, pimps, poker, repo, retarded, satire, scandal | Tagged: , | 4 Comments »

I Freaking Hate Louisiana Monroe!

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on March 31, 2008

So I was driving towards Monroe, Louisiana cause none of the blood banks in good ole Bama will buy my blood after that little Hepatitis C incident, when I came across this God forsaken billboard! I almost wrecked my 72 Ford pickup. That truck is priceless cause Jimbo tells me the Bear peed on the drivers side fender once. Those bastards! Look at this! I’ll never sell my Hepatitis C infected blood in this state again!

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama'zoids, Bear is Dead, Louisiana Monroe | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Coach Shula is Hired as Recruit Guru or Something or Other

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on March 31, 2008

That’s right folks. As you can tell by photo I’m proud to say that we here at Bama are proud and honored that Lord Saban has hired former coach Shula away from Jimbo’s Filling Station to be the new recruiting director.

Coach Shula will be in charge of calling all recruits and training them for how to act when the chosen one, Lord Saban comes to their school to bribe talk to them about attending Bama. Coach Shula will also handle all calls from recruits and money launder handle the Bama Alumni funds that is gathered for recruits.

And if that isn’t enough Coach Shula will also trim Lord Saban’s balls and be responsible for bathing, feeding and clothing the gimp. RTR


Woo Hoo looks like another number one recruiting class. The best $$ can buy

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

This Day In History

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on March 31, 2008

On this day in history in 1970. The great one Bear Bryant came into the Bama locker room and said “Guess what men I haven’t had a drink all day.” Well, old Roscoe of Roscoe’s Mom & Daughter Strip Club was the center back then said “Come on Coach we all knows you’re sauced by 9:30 in the morning and here it is 12:00.”

Well from what Roscoe says the entire team beat the living shit out of him and left him for dead in that now sacred spot where Lord Saban’s dog peed on last week. Then the Bear from his great one chair called down and said “HA! I got you sumbitches, April Fools. I really was sauced by 9:30 in this morning, actually it was more like 8:00 now take 2 laps!”

I’m jealous of Roscoe, that sumbitch. RTR

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead | Leave a Comment »

Sex Scandal Proves that Formula One Racing isn’t a Figment of my Imagination (Now if only Jeff Broome wasn’t real)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 31, 2008

Formula One racing, I’ve heard the term, I’ve seen the cars in commercials but yet when I search for it on TV all I get is overweight rednecks cheering on NASCAR while scaring the non-redneck NASCAR fans.

I know who Danica Patrick is…I would like to know more of her…but that’s not the point. I know what the Indy 500 is…besides one of the lowest watched “American Tradition” there is, but I never watch it since it’s held in May and the NBA playoffs are taking place.

However I did find proof that there is such thing as Formula Racing thanks to sex scandal involving its president Max Mosley, 5 count them 5 prostitutes and Nazis.

The News of the World reported in a front page story that FIA president Mosley, 67, had taken part in a “sadomasochistic orgy” with five prostitutes that reportedly involved Nazi role-playing. My first thought reading the story was “Wait he’s 67 with 5 ho’s? Viva Viagra!”

According to a story posted by the London-based Times Online on Monday, Mosley and others “re-enacted a concentration camp scene in which he played the role of both guard and inmate.”

A video was also reportedly posted on the News of the World Web site. I’ve checked and of course there isn’t…so all people with dirty minds just put away your sock and Jergens lotion. You people disgust me.

Even though the story states Mosley paid almost $1000.00 US dollars a piece for the ho’s, his job isn’t in jeopardy. It would be if I was running that show…homeboy got ripped off. I would have Pac Man Jones set this guy straight.

“This is sick and depraved,” Karen Pollock, chief executive of the Holocaust Educational Trust, said, according to Times Online. ” … I am absolutely appalled.”

Stephen Smith, director of the Holocaust Centre, said: “As Mr. Mosley has condemned the racism in motorsport he should live up to the standards he sets. This is an insult to millions of victims, survivors and their families. He should apologize. He should resign from the sport.”

“This is a matter between Mr. Mosley and the paper in question,” an International Automobile Federation (FIA) spokesman said.

Yeah that quote sounds confidence on the side of Max “5 Hos” Mosley. Either way I can sleep better at night knowing that Formula One racing apparently is real. Now if only this so called sport known as hockey was real as well.

UPDATE!!! OK for the sickos I’ve found the video but since this blog overruns (cough cough) with class I won’t post the video on this site. However you can view it here. Seriously only watch if you’re an adult.

Posted in Formula One, Max Mosley, Nazis, Sex Video, scandal | 2 Comments »

Joe Pa Hates Democrats & Probably has a Crush on Ann Coulter

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 31, 2008

Joe Pa, the underpaid coach of Penn State, is a noted Republican. PSU President Graham Spanier doesn’t pay Joe Pa enough to deal with coaching football or curtailing former presidents. That’s why Joe Pa decided against greeting Bill Clinton when the former president visited campus on behalf of his wife’s presidential campaign.

Clinton pitched the Penn State ties of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton on Thursday during a stop in State College, reminding the mostly youthful audience that her father and brother both played football at Penn State. In fact, brother Hugh Rodham, a 1972 graduate, was a backup quarterback under Paterno. Of course he was a backup for reason…Democrats run the practice squad & Republicans play at Penn State.

“I had a little bit of soul search I had to do when President Clinton was here the other day,” Paterno said Saturday. He said he felt that perhaps he should welcome Clinton out of respect for his status as a former president.

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But in the end, Paterno said, “I didn’t want to get into that because of my situation, because I couldn’t vote for either one of them because I’m a Republican.”

However Paterno’s degenerate son and quarterbacks coach, Jay Paterno, supports Clinton’s rival, Sen. Barack Obama, who is scheduled to make a campaign stop at Penn State on Sunday. The younger Paterno said at the opening of Obama’s campaign office in State College that his choice was rooted in what’s best for his five children.

“The only thing I have for Jay is admiration for him because he’s willing to do what he thinks is right,” Paterno said. “He’s sticking his neck out for Obama.”

Posted in Clinton, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Penn State, Penn State Nittany Lions | 6 Comments »

Texas Shorthorns

Posted by Joel on March 30, 2008

Posted in Ass Whipping, Big 12, College Basketball, Conference USA, Memphis Tigers, NCAA, Texas Longhorns, aggies, basketball, bongs, boo birds, boosters, drugs, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

A Closer Look at Tyler Hansbro

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 28, 2008

Posted in ACC, North Carolina Tarheels, Tyler Hansbro | 3 Comments »

This Little Dork has a Perfect Sweet 16, Feel Stupid Yet?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 27, 2008

 Meet Johnny Gilbert, child dork. No cable TV but yet his brackets are some how perfect. Plus he’s wearing an Ohio State shirt. Don’t you just hate him now?

from sports.espn.go.com posted with vodpod

Posted in College Basketball, Dork, basketball, upsets | 3 Comments »