Yes he’s probably drunk & he’s a moron

A hippie, an Amish man & a dope smoker all walk into a bar together. No, this isn’t a joke they are all real people and they all play football for USC.

Stephen Garcia is the “future” of Gamecock football. So far his off the field resume of getting in trouble with the Po Po is rather impressive.

Garcia enrolled early at South Carolina to get a jump start on spring practice but was suspended from the team a year ago after two arrests. In February 2007, he was charged with drunkenness and failure to stop for a police officer. About a month later, he was charged with malicious injury to personal property after he keyed a professor’s car. Then Steve God Spurrier stated that one more slip up and Garcia will be history. At the time Garcia swore to the public that he had “learned” his lesson.

Hey Old Ball (sac) Coach here’s the other slip up and another is being investigated your boy hasn’t learned jackshit.

Last Saturday it seems Garcia, offensive lineman Heath Batchelor and walk-on quarterback Zac Brindise were having a mini-Mensa meeting outside the East Quad dormitory around 6:30 p.m.

After several complaints of loud noise in the courtyard between the East and South Quad dormitories, the Po Po was called. There they discover this meeting of young brilliant minds debating Einstein’s theory of Relativity, the writings of Nietzsche & whether it’s best to change the bong water daily or let it sit awhile. The Po Po also discovered coolers of beer which was supplied to them by Garcia’s older creepy brother.

All three USC football players were charged with underage drinking while Garcia’s brother was charged with transferring beer to a minor. Heath Batchelor parents are rather distraught considering his strict Amish upbringing. At least he looks Amish from the photo.

Let’s get drunk & churn us some Old Ball (sac) Coach butter!

Garcia paid a fine of $257.50 in Columbia magistrate’s court Monday on the underage drinking charge, according to his attorney, Neal “Johnnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Garcia’s license will be suspended for four months, but he will be able to drive his moped. At least Garcia didn’t embarrasse himself any further by asking for a jury trial.

But that’s not the end of story dear readers, some five hours later officers interviewed Garcia again after police and the Columbia fire department responded to a fire alarm at the dorm at 11 p.m. Authorities discovered an extinguisher had been discharged on the third floor of the dorm.

Garcia told police he discharged the extinguisher after noticing sparks coming from his electric bong stove, according to the incident report. Garcia is listed as a suspect on the report, but has not been charged. McKinney said the incident remains under investigation.

Under USC athletic department policy, athletes who are arrested face automatic suspensions that can last from 30 minutes or even a whole day. It is unclear whether the same discipline applies to athletes issued citations by police. Of course that doesn’t make a difference because Garcia wasn’t going to be able to practice anyway because he has already missed classes this semester.

Why he would miss classes is beyond me, after all he has been a student at South Carolina for over a year now and yet he’s still a freshman! Plus does this jeopardize his PTI (Pre Trial Intervention) status? The judge did warn him that one more slip up could mean trouble for him.

Instead of being a Cock of balls, Spurrier has elected to leave the fate of Garcia to school officials. Which is strange when he wants or needs something he’s usually the one to tell the school how to do things.

“Stephen Garcia’s fate is in the hands of the University of South Carolina,” Spurrier told reporters Monday night following practice. “He may be out here or he may not, we’ll just have to wait and see.

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Asked to clarify, Spurrier said: “They’ve got a president. They’ve got an athletic director. They’ve got a dean. They’ve got a whole bunch of people over there. So if they say he’s here, he’ll be here, OK? His fate is out of my hands. Let’s put it that way.”

Wow, God Spurrier sounds testy. Maybe it’s because his lack of discipline is finally catching up with him or maybe it’s because he knows that a certain Florida coach is rubbing his foreskin vigorously at the thought of being able to pick up Garcia.

A timetable for when the university may make their decision is not yet known so with a little influence from Spurrier, punishment could happen in 2-3 years…depending if Garcia goes pro early.

To view Stephen Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Stephen Garcia’s incident report, click here.

To view Gary Garcia’s ticket, click here.

To view Zac Brandise’s ticket, click here.

To view Heath Batchelor’s ticket, click here.