Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for April 1st, 2008

Just a friendly reminder to the world

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on April 1, 2008

 I get a chubby every time  I see this.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama'zoids, Bammers, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, Saban, Satan | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The Saddest Day of My Life

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on April 1, 2008

Hi folks Billy Bob here. I remember this day alright. I was the lowest day of my life other than when Auburn beat my Tide for the sixth time in a row and when I found out my sister/wife was preggers again.

It was one year ago today, April 1st 07. This guy we know, Tennessee Eugene, told us he done saw the holy one at Jim’s Bar & Bait Shop drinking a 7&7. That’s right…The Bear was back!!!

After several of us cried for an hour…tears of joy mind you. We all headed over there to catch a glimpse of the great one. Several of townspeople were already there. The old, crippled and blind were allowed in line first. We all knew the Bear can cure them of their illness. Next in line were the fathers of gay children and the children themselves, we all knew the Bear could cure them as well.

About 5 hours later someone noticed the sign on Jim’s door that read “Closed till 04/08. Gone Fishing.” It took another three hours to find someone that could actually read in the crowd. RTR

After everyone realized this was nothing but an April’s Fools prank we all went to the burial site of the Bear and drank moonshine till we got angry. We then all storm into main street searching out for Eugene. We haven’t seen him since…but we hear his little laughter and that annoying Go Vols yell. That motherfucker. RTR

So just remember the Bear lives in all of us in our hearts. He’s everywhere. Well, except he ain’t in the win columns. We’ll get there…eventually. rtr

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, Tennessee Volunteers, alcoholics | 11 Comments »

She’s A ‘Bama Cougar

Posted by Little Bear Cub on April 1, 2008

Alana Colette Connell is one sexy lady. And don’t you dipshits forget it. You clandestine sissy boys made fun of her last year kissing Nick Saban and getting arrested for DUI immediately afterwards. You fans of other schools are just jealous that a woman would take off of her job at Dollar General to attend a pep rally for the new coach. You wish you had fans as dedicated to the Capstone as Ms. Connell. She’s a Cougar.

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Now that’s a fan. So what she had a few drinks too many? The cop that arrested her was a Barner. Those numbnuts from the Barn are just sooooooooooooooo jealous of our 12 prizes and the Paul “Bear” Bryant Museum. Remind me again who the fuck Pat Dye was? That’s right animal lovers, he ain’t even Bill Curry. Leave our George Dickel drinking cougar alone.

Oh, and to show you some more talent from Tuscaloosa, not that these jackasses on this site know what beauty is, here you go:

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Roll Tide Roll Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Auburn, BCS, Bammers, Mascots, NCAA, Nick Saban, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, Saban, Scams, Sex Video, boosters, satire, scandal | Tagged: , , | 6 Comments »