Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for April 4th, 2008

Apparently Nature is a Red Sox Fan

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 4, 2008

A 13-year-old girl touring Fenway Park on a school trip was attacked by a resident red-tailed hawk that drew blood from her scalp Thursday.

She wasn’t seriously hurt, but some observers saw an omen for a certain New York Yankees slugger in the attack at the home of the Boston Red Sox. The girl’s name is Alexa Rodriguez.

Red-tailed hawk, 1- Alex Rodriguez fan, 0.

Forget PETA, its time to call the National Guard. We can no longer enjoy the ballparks of America without man-eating hawks swooping down from the sky. This poor innocent young girl was lucky to escape. Others may not be as fortunate. These Hawks have red-tails and sadistic personalities. IF YOU SEE ONE OF THESE BIRDS, DO NOT THINK, JUST RUN! There will be more attacks and more injuries. These hawks will not stop until they get what they want.

Could you imagine seein that happen???!!!?!?!?! That had to be funny to see!! I feel bad for the girl but seriously….how many times you think this would actually happen in a lifetime???

Furthermore, based on the time of the incident (beginning of season) and the girl’s name this can’t merely be a coincidence. it’s just too much. I mean, come on. Alexa Rodriguez? If that’s not either a good omen for the Sox and/or a bad omen for the Yankees and A-Rod, specifically, then I don’t know what is. It just seems like good karma for the rest of this 2008 Red Sox season.

I’m a compete bastard I know I know


Posted in Arod, Boston Redsox, Hawks, Red Sox, boo birds, new york yankees | 2 Comments »

Duo From the USC Womens Team are Rearrested…God Spurrier Can Only Wish They Were Football Players

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 4, 2008

Just one day after making bail, the female version of Florida football players are arrested yet again and all God Spurrier can do is shake his head while wishing his players would listen to his “Be more like Florida” mantra.

Authorities filed additional charges today against the USC women’s basketball players accused of stealing credit and debit cards and planning to sell marijuana & crack. Jasmine Payne and Ashlie Billingslea are back in jail after USC police connected them to two other thefts at the Blatt P.E. Center.

Payne, 18, of Bay Springs, Miss., faces six additional counts for a total of 11 charges, most of which are felonies.

With three new charges, the 19-year-old Billingslea, of Stone Mountain, Ga., has a total of eight counts against her.

USC spokesman Russ McKinney said police are treating the matter as an active investigation.

Both players have been kicked out of school and off the team.

Now…if these young (ahem) ladies were USC football players & God Spurrier was their coach, here’s what the punishment for each charge would have been;

  • Credit card theft
    • A prepaid Visa card sporting the Gamecock Logo
  • Credit card fraud
    • A prepaid Mastercard sporting “Cocky” the USC mascot
  • Petit larceny
    • Suspended from the team for 5 minutes
  • Two counts of possession with intent to distribute crack cocaine in proximity to a school
    • Learn to crush that crack into a powder…keep it “Gamecock Classy”
  • Two counts of possession with intent to distribute marijuana in proximity to a school
    • Mary Jane would be forfeited & distributed to other Gamecock football players…for free

However these skanks ladies aren’t football players so they have dismissed from the team and of course expelled from school. South Carolina Gamecock football players take note, the Ole Ball (Sac) Coach can’t be happy about the fact his mantra is falling on deaf ears…unless you’re a woman of course. Go Cocks!

A scene of the actual arrest, notice one USC player is saddened

Posted in Crack, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Gamecocks, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, court tv, drugs, moral victories | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Congrats Ohio State….

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 4, 2008

You’ve won the “Not Invited Tourney” which means you’re still the 65th best team America. (66th if you count the loser of the play in game)

Posted in big 10, ohio state buckeyes | 3 Comments »

E-Mail From An Ohio State Fan

Posted by Joel on April 4, 2008

I have a friend named Peter who is a proud Buckeye. He graduates from Ohio State University, is a successful engineer, and is pretty well adjusted…

He is also a nutjob who is largely irrational when it comes to all things Ohio State. Trash talking is what he does, but I would not necessarily say it is the best thing he does. He actually sucks at it, as you will see from the following e-mail he sent me after the school’s triumph for winning the NIT last night. When I asked if he would not mind me sharing this e-mail with the rest of the free world, he said “Go for it, so the rest of the free world shall know the greatness that is being a Buckeye.”


I know it has been a while since I shot you a text or e-mail, but the wife and I are in New York now (ed. note: His wife Amanda is a Florida Gator). Anyway, we just left Madison Square Garden kickin the asses of those UMass flower children in the NIT championship game. So now you can’t talk trash on how we can’t win the big one.

The last decade has been a great time to be a Buckeye. After finally running off John Cooper, we finally have a coach that wins championships in Jim Tressel. Our football team is loaded and next year we will win it all, and bring home that crystal football back to it’s rightful place in Columbus.

In basketball, once we got another great coach in Thad Matta and got off of probation, we have been dominant in basketball too. We should have made the NCAA tournament this year, but we made lemonade out of lemons and won the NIT. Hey, a championship is still a championship, and I can look Amanda in the eye and say that Florida didn’t make it to the NIT championship this year. That would have been sweet redemption for last year, when we couldn’t get a foul call in the NCAA’s last year. I know if that game last year were played on a neutral court with better officials, we would have dominated. Oden and Conley were a dynamic duo.

Now we get Terrell Pryor coming. He can learn the Buckeye system under the great Todd Boeckman, who should win the Heisman trophy. Then he can step in like Troy Smith in a couple of years and win 3 Heismans. Keep in mind, the only player to win multiple Heismans is the great Archie Griffin. Either way, we will run through scUM and the rest of the Big Ten, and I pray to God we play another SEC team in the championship game so I can shut you and Amanda both up. I don’t see what the big deal is about the SEC. just because a few teams beat us due to home cooking (see this year’s BCS title game in New Orleans against LSU). Plus, we beat Ole Miss in the NIT semifinal, so we did beat an SEC team in something. Amanda tells me that beating Ole Miss in anything is like winning a foot race against a kid wearing special shoes, but I told her that eventually Forrest Gump broke free out of his.

Anyway, take care of the family and I will do better with e-mails,

Peter (GO BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now do you see why I just had to share this???


(pic courtesy of the hard working guys at Losers With Socks)

Posted in Ass Whipping, BCS, College Basketball, College Football, College Gameday, Crack, ESPN, Florida, Florida Gators, Football Poll, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Herban Meyer, Jim Tressel, LSU Tigers, Les Miles, NCAA, Ohio State, Ole Miss, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, basketball, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boosters, buckeyes, cheaters, crazy, dumbass, football, ohio state buckeyes, ole miss rebels | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

Matt Leinart Proves Rock Stars Can’t Party Worth a Damn

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 4, 2008

My my my I’ve never been a Matt Leinart fan. However after viewing these photos I could possibly be one. When Matt isn’t playing for the Arizona Cardinals, who sucks ass, apparently he busy getting his drink on as seen in these no-so-damn-exclusive photos.

I hate this guy!!!

They were taken at Matt’s crib in Arizona over the weekend. But there’s one problem…why is he hanging around a douche bag like Nick Lachey? Isn’t it bad enough that he’s linked to Paris Hilton and Kristin Cavallari, among others? Sheesh dude buy yourself some friends. Damn

Cardinals coach Ken Whisenhunt said Tuesday he was “disappointed” in quarterback Matt Leinart after the photos surfaced on the Internet. I’m disappointed as well, disappointed I wasn’t there. I mean I could have punched Nick Lachey in the balls. That would have been sweet.

“Matt called me Monday morning and we spoke for a while,” Whisenhunt said in a statement from the NFL owners meetings in Florida.


“I reiterated to him the type of behavior that we expect at all times from our players. He understands that as well as the level of scrutiny that he’s under because of who he is. It’s being handled internally. I was disappointed but at the same time have no doubts about his commitment to this football team or his ability to lead it.”

Of course I’m sure Reggie Bush is thinking he’s equally disappointed as well. So selfish reason like my own. Let’s face everyone hates Nick Lachey.

Chug that beer we wouldn’t want you to embarrass yourself…skank

However I wonder if the beer bong-ee is underage…cause she looks it.

The Maricopa County Sherriff’s office has stated they are not going to investigate the matter. The Sheriff says pictures aren’t enough to charge someone with a crime. Of course I say they could talk to one of the chicks…I’m just saying…they could…or at least get an invite to the next party.

Matt should remember one thing…to much of a “good” thing can cause him to relive this moment….

Posted in Arizona Cardinals, Matt Leinart, Nick Lachey, University of Southern Cal | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »