Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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E-Mail From An Ohio State Fan

Posted by Joel on April 4, 2008

I have a friend named Peter who is a proud Buckeye. He graduates from Ohio State University, is a successful engineer, and is pretty well adjusted…

He is also a nutjob who is largely irrational when it comes to all things Ohio State. Trash talking is what he does, but I would not necessarily say it is the best thing he does. He actually sucks at it, as you will see from the following e-mail he sent me after the school’s triumph for winning the NIT last night. When I asked if he would not mind me sharing this e-mail with the rest of the free world, he said “Go for it, so the rest of the free world shall know the greatness that is being a Buckeye.”

Joel,

I know it has been a while since I shot you a text or e-mail, but the wife and I are in New York now (ed. note: His wife Amanda is a Florida Gator). Anyway, we just left Madison Square Garden kickin the asses of those UMass flower children in the NIT championship game. So now you can’t talk trash on how we can’t win the big one.

The last decade has been a great time to be a Buckeye. After finally running off John Cooper, we finally have a coach that wins championships in Jim Tressel. Our football team is loaded and next year we will win it all, and bring home that crystal football back to it’s rightful place in Columbus.

In basketball, once we got another great coach in Thad Matta and got off of probation, we have been dominant in basketball too. We should have made the NCAA tournament this year, but we made lemonade out of lemons and won the NIT. Hey, a championship is still a championship, and I can look Amanda in the eye and say that Florida didn’t make it to the NIT championship this year. That would have been sweet redemption for last year, when we couldn’t get a foul call in the NCAA’s last year. I know if that game last year were played on a neutral court with better officials, we would have dominated. Oden and Conley were a dynamic duo.

Now we get Terrell Pryor coming. He can learn the Buckeye system under the great Todd Boeckman, who should win the Heisman trophy. Then he can step in like Troy Smith in a couple of years and win 3 Heismans. Keep in mind, the only player to win multiple Heismans is the great Archie Griffin. Either way, we will run through scUM and the rest of the Big Ten, and I pray to God we play another SEC team in the championship game so I can shut you and Amanda both up. I don’t see what the big deal is about the SEC. just because a few teams beat us due to home cooking (see this year’s BCS title game in New Orleans against LSU). Plus, we beat Ole Miss in the NIT semifinal, so we did beat an SEC team in something. Amanda tells me that beating Ole Miss in anything is like winning a foot race against a kid wearing special shoes, but I told her that eventually Forrest Gump broke free out of his.

Anyway, take care of the family and I will do better with e-mails,

Peter (GO BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now do you see why I just had to share this???

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(pic courtesy of the hard working guys at Losers With Socks)

4 Responses to “E-Mail From An Ohio State Fan”

  1. MoonDog said

    I’m quoting your boy:

    “Our football team is loaded”

    Yea, with a bunch of guys that might be third string on LSU’s roster.

    “next year we will win it all, and bring home that crystal football back to it’s rightful place in Columbus.”

    Your boy’s thoughts = delusional
    0-9 vs. SEC = reality
    BCS title = All aboard the fail boat.

    “I pray to God we play another SEC team in the championship game so I can shut you and Amanda both up. I don’t see what the big deal is about the SEC. just because a few teams beat us due to home cooking”

    Be careful what you pray for. It may come to fruition. The BCS championship is in Miami. Perhaps your Suckeyes will play the GAYtors.

  2. Joel said

    MoonDog, this is pure comedy gold. I just had to post it. I still don’t know why Peter agreed to this. He just doesn’t know any better.

  3. MoonDog said

    Just like tOSU, your boy is a glutton for punishment. Please thank him for me. I appreciate the opportunity to have a little fun this morning.

  4. zigzag said

    Beating some patsy in a basketball game just won’t get you around 41-14 and 38-24.

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