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Yeah Officer the Gun is Mine but the Dope isn’t

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 23, 2008

Preston Parker was named Florida State’s most valuable player last season after leading the team with 1,513 all-purpose yards and 62 receptions, was arrested late Monday and charged with carrying a concealed .45-caliber pistol and a small amount of Florida’s finest sweet stinky weed.

This Bobby Bowden Chapter Mensa member was picked up by the F$U Po Po a little before midnight Monday for carrying a loaded semiautomatic .45-caliber pistol wedged into the dash of the car next to a bag of marijuana. Police also found a separate container stuffed with marijuana, according to the arrest report.

Parker told police he didn’t know anything about the marijuana. However, he admitted the gun was his, purchased for him by a friend before his birthday earlier this year.

That’s just sheer brilliance shining through. Someone please inform Mr. Parker that the gun is a FELONY. How South Carolina let this one get away is a mystery to me.

If someone asked me “Hey do you want to make millions and play football for the next 15 years? Just stay out of trouble, don’t smoke weed or do any other drugs.”

I’m pretty sure I could stop smoking for 15 years and MAYBE not carry illegal guns (sarcasm). I think being set for life with more money than I could imagine would be enough motivation. But I guess a lot of these idiots can’t think that far.

Florida State’s disciplinary policy calls for suspension of any athlete facing criminal charges and prohibits any student-athlete charged with a felony, from competing until the charge is resolved. Which knowing the weight Bowden still carries should be rather soon.

“Once we’ve thoroughly reviewed the details of the incident, we will handle the situation according to that policy,” said Randy Spetman, who was named athletic director earlier this year and most likely regrets it.

The Seminoles already have six starters sitting out suspensions from a classroom cheating scandal last year.

The funny thing is Florida State kicked Randy Moss out of school in the mid-1990s for being caught smoking marijuana in a West Virginia jail. Only in West Virginia…

This isn’t the first time Parker has made friends with the Po Po, he was also arrested by Tallahassee police in 2006 for swiping a $10 DVD at a Best Buy store. Yes folks…a freaking $10 DVD…sad…yes…pathetic…better believe it…was it at least a good flick? Doubtful.

In daily life as a working stiff or college athlete I am trying to think of a place, time or spot where a gun would be needed (other than law enforcement). If you think you need a gun you probably shouldn’t go to college. Is Logic mandatory? I mean it sucks as a class but it is very useful.

One Response to “Yeah Officer the Gun is Mine but the Dope isn’t”

  1. MoonDog said

    Here’s what I believe happened. The kid stole the weapon then robbed someone to get the weed. When Tallahassee Five-O caught up with him, he claimed he used the weapon to make a citizen’s arrest, attempting to detain the person selling the weed. The perp ran off and rather than fire his weapon or give pursuit, he allowed himself to be detained by law enforcement so he could explain his side of the story.

    Sounds plausible to me.

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