When I first read about this I had my fingers crossed that he ran from police, so the hilarious jokes could ensue. Needless to say, I’m disappointed. However Cedric Benson still needs a hug.

Chicago Bears failure of a running back Cedric Benson was charged with boating while drunk like pirate after failing a sobriety test and resisting arrest that required officers to use pepper spray before dragging him ashore Saturday night.

The flip side though is Benson didn’t have to say “Don’t taser me bro.”

“I was not intoxicated,” Benson told the Chicago Sun-Times. “There was alcohol on the boat and others were enjoying themselves, but I wasn’t drunk.”

“They gave me a field sobriety test, told me to say my ABCs and told me to count from 1 to 4 up and down,” Benson told the Chicago Tribune. “I’m thinking, I passed all the tests, did everything right. Then the officer told me we needed to go to land to take more tests. I politely asked him why we needed to go to land to take more tests when I took every test. Then he sprayed me with mace, on his boat.”

“I’m not handcuffed. I’m not under arrest. I’m not threatening him. I’m not pushing him. I’m not touching him. And he sprays me right in my eye.”

Yeah….right….sure. Just because you think you passed the tests doesn’t mean you passed the tests. That’s like the drunk guy at the bar thinking he’s the best looking. Just because he thinks he is, isn’t what other people are seeing. And don’t hand out that BS about I asked him politely.

The water patrol can pull you over for any reason, usually for a safety check. When you have more than a dozen people on a boat, you can plan on them pulling you over to see if there are enough life preservers on board. That’s too many people on a 30′ anyway, but no one accused Cedric of actually having a brain anyway.

Dumping “evidence” Cedric?

Benson was operating the boat with 15 passengers aboard when he was stopped by a Lower Colorado River Authority officer for a random safety inspection. He failed a field sobriety test on the officer’s boat and was uncooperative when the officer tried to take him ashore, the authority said.

“When Benson did not pass the test, he presented himself as a threat to the officer and argued about whether or not he would be taken to land to have a follow-up field sobriety test performed on land and refused to put on a life jacket,” the authority said in a statement. The officer had to use pepper spray to subdue Benson, a move the running back was to drunk and stupid to understand.

When are police departments going to realize that pro football players are special citizens who, in pursuing their dreams, have a god-given right to alcohol and guns? The government needs to get back to the business of protecting the rich against the poor and leaving these guys alone.

“Even after they pepper-sprayed me, I have no idea why they did that. I was cooperative,” Benson told the Sun-Times. “I asked them several times why they did that and they didn’t give me an answer.”

Benson then refused to leave the officer’s boat and authorities had to drag him to a car to be taken to the Travis County jail, the authority said.

Of course Benson’s account differs. He told the Tribune that he was not near his family when the police restrained him.

“Nobody saw what he did to me,” Benson told the newspaper. “I started screaming for my mother to come. That’s when they put me under arrest. And the officer threw a life jacket over my head.

“Once we got to land, the Travis County police grabbed me and kicked my feet from under me. So I landed on my back while I was handcuffed. They held me down and held the water hose over my face. I couldn’t breathe, I’m choking, I’m begging the cops, ‘Please stop. Please stop.’ Then they picked me up and dragged me backward toward their car. And I’m still being polite, asking them, ‘Sir, could you please allow me to walk like a man to your cop car?’ They just kept dragging me on.”

Wow you admit to calling your mommy….

“Right now it’s one-sided, and I would like to know exactly what they’re basing their allegations on,” Benson’s lawyer, Brian Carney, told the Tribune. “It’s very, very early. And we still haven’t had a chance to evaluate what exactly they think that they have.

“Those allegations are untrue,” Carney added. “I think it’s a shame that they proceeded the way they did. I can tell you right now that we’re going to resolve this. We’re going to work through it. And we’re going to maintain our position that this was inappropriate and that he’s not guilty of any of these things. Cedric was extremely cooperative with these officers. He complied. He performed their tests that they asked him to do.”

Benson told the Tribune he is about 98 percent healed from the ankle injury that ended his season in 2007.

Good to see him focused on his rehab and the upcoming season. Nothing like getting beat down by the Po Po to help you train. I guess resisting the police helps him work on his cutting and shedding linemen. Problem is that if he can’t shed a couple of cops, he isn’t ready, or ever will be ready to shed DL’s, DB’s, etc.

“This is tough to deal with because you’re guilty until proven innocent,” Benson told the newspaper. “My name is blasted out there like I was fighting these police officers or something. That totally was not the deal. I’m not stupid.”

Oh yes you are! You have had legal problems before.

He was sentenced to eight days in jail in 2003 for a misdemeanor trespassing charge after forcing his way into an apartment to look for a reported stolen TV.

In 2002, a misdemeanor for drug and alcohol charges was brought against him.

Did he also get pepper sprayed before every game last year? That’d explain a lot.

Benson rushed for more than 5,500 yards and 64 touchdowns at the University of Texas, going for 1,000 yards in four straight seasons.

The 25-year-old has done little since the Bears took him with the fourth pick of the 2005 draft.

As a rookie he didn’t beat out Thomas Jones and rushed for 272 yards in nine games. He was more effective the next season while sharing time with Jones, going for six touchdowns and 647 yards.

Last year, Benson took over as the featured back after Jones was traded. He rushed for 674 yards, four touchdowns and 3.4 yards a carry before going on injured reserve in November.

In three years with the Bears, Benson has rushed for 1,593 yards and 10 touchdowns, averaging 3.8 yards a carry. He’s also missed 13 games.

The Bears draft strategy with Benson was:

“Hey Ricky Williams came out of Texas, let’s get this guy!!!”

Nobody wants a RB that doesn’t wear a life-vest when he is abusing alcohol.

They don’t have anything to apologize for.

While admitting he had made “mistakes” in his personal life, Roger Clemens apologized to his family and the public on Sunday…sort of…read on & you’ll understand further.

“I know that many people want to know what I have to say about the recent articles in the media,” Clemens said in the statement. “Even though these articles contain many false accusations and mistakes, I need to say that I have made mistakes in my personal life for which I am sorry. I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans. Like everyone, I have flaws. I have sometimes made choices which have not been right.”

“Now, I have been accused of having an improper relationship with a fifteen-year-old girl. Nothing could be further from the truth. This relationship has been twisted and distorted far beyond reality. It is just one of many, many accusations that are utterly false.”

“I realize that many people want me to simply confess and apologize for the conduct that I have been accused of, but I cannot confess to, nor apologize for, things I did not do. I have apologized to my family for my mistakes. And having offered this apology to the public, I would ask that you let me and my family deal with these matters in private.”

Ok let me get this straight. You’re apologizing however you aren’t saying what you’re apologizing for. Is anyone else out there as confused as me? Or did Roger just pull an old trick from the Jason Giambi playbook: I apologize, but I’m not going to tell you what I just apologized for…

Didn’t the girl herself admit to this? Is he calling her a liar as well? Oh wait she just misremembered.

Clemens mentions “fans” in this apology. What fans do he have anymore? He has to be the biggest coward in sports history. He is lying through his teeth. My favorite so far…let me apologize before saying that “nothing could be further from the truth.” Only irrational people speak this way. He is such a loser…and not a man. Own up for Christ’s sake.

I think this sums it all up, and this was almost 10 years ago:

“I have no respect or appreciation for his comments,” said Piazza, who missed the All-Star game because of the beaming. “Roger Clemens is a great pitcher, but I don’t have respect for him now at all.”

I wonder does Peter Gammons cry himself to sleep screaming, “WHY ROGER WHY?!!”

Of course if you’re still a Clemens fan you can always buy his autograph on E-Bay. Since this is what he’s been reduced to.