Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

Officials from Commissioner Bud “I’m A Useless Twit” Selig’s office contacted the White Sox on Tuesday to discuss the team’s display of two inflatable dolls in their clubhouse over the weekend in Toronto, but no punishment is expected to be handed down.

Before the Sox played the Blue Jays on Sunday, two inflatable female dolls — one with a bat inserted in its backside, purportedly to prop it up — were in the clubhouse. A ”Let’s Go White Sox” sign adorned one doll, and the other wore a sign reading, ”You’ve Got to Push,” playing off the rah-rah phrase popularized during spring training by third-base coach Jeff Cox. Bats were pointed at the dolls, a move designed to snap the team’s offensive slump.

First, let me get this straight: locker room humor is no longer allowed in the locker room? Nothing says “I’m a man! I’m 40″ like Mike Gundy and blow-up dolls!

Sox general manager Ken Williams expressed disappointment over the display.

“I will assure Major League Baseball that the doll was not violated in any way, shape or form,” Williams said. ”In all seriousness, it is a little bit of a disappointment because we have proactively tried to — and just did so this spring training — organizationally, we brought in some people to discuss a better work environment, whether it’s gender issues or racial issues.”

”I don’t know what a formal apology on behalf of the club is going to do, other than me assuring everyone we are on top of it and we addressed the issue.”

I’m sorry the comment about the doll being violated is pure comedy gold.

Williams had lunch Ozzie Guillen and said Guillen and his coaches would be left to deal with the matter in a way that involves safety pins and possible puncture wounds to the dolls.

Guillen, who stressed he was not behind the display, stood his ground a second consecutive day, insisting he won’t apologize to those who were offended.

”If people feel that way, I respect that,” Guillen said. ”If people think we did something wrong, wow. I’m not going to apologize, I’m not going to say I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I can’t come up with the words because as soon as I say that, that means I’m guilty of something. I’m not guilty.”

I love Ozzie but that was a weak response.

Speculation has centered on Nick Swisher being the instigator behind the display. Asked if he regretted the move, Swisher shot back:

”Why are you saying I did it?”

Later, he pulled a Saban by saying:

”It was meant in a fun way. … It probably was wrong, but if anybody was offended by it, we sincerely apologize.”

Third baseman Joe Crede equated the incident to other ways teams try to snap out of slumps.

”It was in the same sense as guys going up to the bat rack and beating the crap out of the rack,” Crede said. ”Obviously it didn’t come out that way.”

This is a ridiculous to-do about nothing. A few guys can’t have a private joke in a locker room, without people feeling they have a right to an opinion? I don’t even understand the joke - let alone why anyone thinks they have a right to be offended. I’m glad “formal” apologies aren’t being given. It’s time people stop feeling so terribly entitled to their opinions and the right to be offended.

However t he Association for Women in Sports Media voiced its concerns about the White Sox’s antics in an e-mail to the Chicago Sun-Times .

“The presence of those dolls creates an uncomfortable situation for any female journalist who enters the White Sox locker room simply trying to do her job,” Jenni Carlson, the group’s president, wrote this week.

Does that name sound familiar to you? Here’s her photo…she’s the bitch that took personal shots at a amateur athlete who played for Mike Gundy. End result…Mike Gundy is America’s coach….Carlson…is still a whining bitch.