Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Billy Gillispie Likes them Young

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 15, 2008

Somewhere in a darkened bar at this very moment. Kentucky coach Billy “I’m a Member of the DUI Team” Gillispie is plotting his revenge on the world of basketball. He is assembling the most futuristic team known to man. That is if and when they finally hit puberty.

Last week the hard working writers at Losers With Socks broke the story of how the Kentucky School President was shocked that Billy G offered an eighth grader a scholarship. Well guess what. That class of 2012 or maybe 2013 will be awesome for Kentucky!!! Billy G is bucking the system and the school prez by offering a ninth grader a scholarship.

Kentucky, which recently received commitments from an Ohio ninth-grader and a California eighth-grader, has offered a scholarship to point guard Jeremiah Davis III of Muncie, Ind. Before it’s over with, UK will begin recruiting sperm in it’s attempts to regain it’s basketball stature.

“I was honored,” Davis said Monday about the offer. “I don’t know if I’m going to take it yet. I’m still a freshman.”

Couple more signings and he’ll be set for the 2013 season. Then he can devote the time he needs to kick back in the bar. I tell you…you have to admire a drunk with a work ethic.

Kentucky will have the best Junior High Team in the country. Did they sign them on the playground? Chuckie Cheese? Jr. High Dance? Do the parents have to sign a letter of intent?

This just in:

University of Kentucky coach Billy Gillispie has landed yet another commitment.

The future prospect, the unnamed fetus of Bertha and Adolf Cutshaw of Corbin Ky, measures 21 inches and 74 pounds at the young age of 7 months.

In an interview with the parents of the University of Kentucky recruit, Adolf Cutshaw was gushing at his son’s 4 inch in-utero vertical leap, however mother Bertha was less than overjoyed.

Coach Gillispie was quoted as saying, “Whatever his name, a player with this much potential will factor greatly, around the year 2026, in bringing Kentucky basketball back to the level it so greatly dererves.”

Rhetorical question. Is it against NCAA rules for a coach to sponsor neo-natal summer camps for potential recruits and the baby mamas?

Kentucky officials also released a news statement:

UK to start adoption plan,The coaching staff at UK is now starting an adoption agency. No questions will be asked, but the child must be male and have a guesstimated heighth of 6ft 8 inches. Weight may vary due to parent(s) giving child child for adoption. The staff must be assured of only the choice quality male child. We are sorry that we can not accept female children, but UK has no need for females due to the fact that UK has no female athletic program.

For additional information contact Billy’s Baby Blue Network.

3 Responses to “Billy Gillispie Likes them Young”

  1. Does he offer the schollie while they’re suckling on their momma’s teet, or would that be considered rude?

  2. MoonDog said

    “Before it’s over with, UK will begin recruiting sperm in it’s attempts to regain it’s basketball stature.”


  3. [...] it to Billy Clyde Gilispie to recruit like a mother. He has already scored top 10 talent of all ages. He will take Kentucky back to single digit losses [...]

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