Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for May, 2008

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Mayo Gets Dumped by his Agent

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 23, 2008

How embarrassing is it to be dumped by your agent BEFORE the NBA draft in this coming June? Ask O.J. Mayo he seems to know. Calvin Andrews of Bill Duffy Associates citing “overwhelming intensity” over allegations hat Mayo illegally received cash and gifts.

“Due to the overwhelming intensity of recent allegations regarding the recruitment of O.J. Mayo, we feel that our representation of him is a distraction for he and his family at this time,” the statement said.

“This should be the best time in his life and anything that takes away from that enjoyment and the experience of this process is not fair to him.”

Among the NBA players represented by BDA are Carmelo Anthony, Greg Oden, Steve Nash and Yao Ming.

Never fear though…I’m stepping up to the plate and offering Mayo my services. Instead of the standard 25% commission that other agents require my fees are more suited to benefit him.

They are:

  1. Season sky-box tickets for Tennessee football and basketball games
  2. Mayo must slap Bill Gates for releasing Vista
  3. Mayo must fight Nick Saban in a no-holds barred street fight
  4. One Apple touch screen I-Pod
  5. One Porsche Carrera GT

That’s all I require Mayo. Come on and sign with me.

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

Posted in NBA, NCAA Rules Violation, Nick Saban, University of Southern Cal, cheaters | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Jim Leyland Pulls an Ozzie Guillen

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 22, 2008

Jason Grilli was traded earlier this season to the Rockies, and was recently asked by some reporters out there what he thought was going wrong back in Detroit, where the Tigers have failed to live up to expectations. Grilli’s response was that he thought the Tigers hurt their team chemistry by bringing in new stars, and letting go of clubhouse favorites like Sean Casey.

Jim “Black Lung” Leyland apparently wasn’t to happy hearing about those comments.

“You have to be kidding me. I mean, please,” Leyland said before the Tigers’ 12-8 win over the Mariners on Tuesday night. “Jason Grilli ought to just worry about Colorado.

“Jason Grilli’s not here any longer because Jason Grilli didn’t pitch good under pressure situations and didn’t pitch very well in Detroit. You want to tell it like it is? When players want to start talking, I’ll start talking.”

“I’m a grown man. I can take my heat, and I deserve some for the performance of this club. But you better be careful when you’re a player. If you’re hitting .200 and .220 and striking out, you shouldn’t be popping off.

“They want to play games, I’ll play games. I’ll quit protecting some of these guys night after night after night after night. And I’ll put some names to it.”

The rest is captured in You Tube history. Ozzie should be proud.

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

Posted in Detroit Tigers, Jim Leyland, MLB, Ozzie Guillen | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

SoCal Prepares to Play Dumb Again

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 22, 2008

SoCal s planning to tell the NCAA it did not know of any improper activity between over hyped O.J. Mayo and an event promoter alleged to have given the basketball player $30,000 in cash and gifts. Yeah…and I’m the pope…

USC still doesn’t realize that buying Reggie Bush a house is improper. Big surprise they don’t see impropriety.

School officials said the NCAA might speak with the school this week, and USC is preparing its initial defense, including telling the NCAA that it previously had banned the promoter, Rodney Guillory, from receiving tickets to Trojans games.

“Right now, we’re just trying to weather the storm,” a USC official said

Just one slight problem with that defense, Guillory was seen often at the USC basketball offices, around the locker room, and at pickup games at the Galen Center, where Mayo played last summer.

Mayo has repeatedly denied allegations of accepting money and gifts in violation of NCAA rules.

“My family hasn’t accepted anything, so I’m just waiting for the NCAA to do what they have to do to prove that I haven’t done anything wrong,” Mayo told the Los Angeles Times last week, “… but I know for a fact that I haven’t accepted anything.”

Scene…NCAA Investigation Room…Tom Cruise starring as the NCAA, Jack Nicholsen starring as USC in the movie “A Few Good Liars”:
USC: You want answers?
NCAA: I think I’m entitled.
USC: You want answers?!
NCAA: I want the truth!
USC: You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has money and that money needs to be accumulated by big companies that flaunt rules. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, NCAA? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for OJ Mayo and curse the Trojans; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that hanging OJ Mayo out to dry and denying culpability, while tragic, probably saved millions of dollars and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves millions of dollars.
You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties you want me to make you money, you need me to make you money. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use then as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket bought by the money I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said “thank you,” and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a tin cup and beg on street corners. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Now my take:

This can all be circumvented if college athletes are ineligible to be drafted in ALL sports until after their junior year of eligibility. I know, I know, I know, some one will probably challenge this in Court. Heck let them. Let’s get a ruling on it. There can be an out. Don’t sign a scholarship following high school graduation to participate in inter-collegiate and go straight to the pros; that is, of course, if you are good enough. But anomalies like Moses Malone; Kobe Bryant and LaBron James are few and far between; hence, anomalies. An Another exemption is if a coach takes a scholarship away from an athlete after his/her freshman or sophomore year. Those athletes can then and only then become eligible to turn pro prior to completing their junior year of college. As for athletes that abuse the process and purposefully get kicked off teams in order to become eligible to turn pro then fine. Hey, they will fit right in with spoil bratted pros, but then again they may not get drafted because who wants, needs, or can trust such a surreptitious character on their team anyway.

Finally, this rule will curtail a lot of train wrecks from occurring. Too many young men who think they are ready for pro sports and who have had their heads filled with agent’s garbage about how good they are “right now” and how ready they are “right now” have had their dreams foiled when they find out that they aren’t ready at all and find themselves on the scrap heap of cut players.

Whatever the outcome of this will be one thing is for sure…USC isn’t doing too well with former athletes named OJ.

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

Posted in NBA, NCAA Rules Violation, O.J. Mayo, Pac 10, SoCal, USC, University of Southern Cal, cheaters, scandal, southern cal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Attorney for the Disgraced Ref say the Whole NBA is One Big Dirty Scam

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 21, 2008

John F. Lauro, the attorney for the gambling referee Tim Donaghy, stated in a letter that was filed in U.S. District Court in Brooklyn on Monday, that everyone in the NBA is dirty and he really hopes to land a job with Court TV.

The attorney also suggested that Donaghy told investigators about the gambling activities of other NBA officials and about a referee who passed “confidential” information to an unidentified coach. The confidential info is supposedly that Spud Webb was really 5’7 and not 5’6.

In a footnote, the attorney suggested that the NBA might have “pressured” the attorney’s office “into shutting down this prosecution to avoid the disclosure of information unrelated to Tim’s conduct.”

Wait, the National Basketball Association pressured the US Attorney’s Office??? Give me a break, what power does the NBA have legally? And what pressure could they assert? That’s just crazy.

“The letter filed today on Mr. Donaghy’s behalf contains an assortment of lies, unfounded allegations, and facts that have been previously acknowledged, such as the fact that certain NBA referees engaged in casino gambling in violation of NBA rules,” said Joel Litvin, the NBA president for league and basketball operations, in a statement. “The letter is the desperate act of a convicted felon who is hoping to avoid prison time.”

Of course Dirty Donaghy’s attorney had a response:

“The remarks by NBA president Joel Litvin were unfortunate and ill-advised,” Lauro said in a statement released Tuesday. “Rather than seeking to implement much-needed reforms, the NBA has chosen instead to attack the messenger. Following a thorough and exhaustive investigation, federal law enforcement officials have concluded that Tim provided honest and trustworthy assistance to them. If the NBA takes issue with any of Tim’s cooperation, then perhaps it should release the results of an internal investigation conducted by its counsel over the last year.”

Like most things, the truth is somewhere in the middle. Contrary to what Stern would have you believe, I’m sure there is more shady activities in the NBA beyond “one rogue official”. That said… and contrary to what Donaghy’s lawyer would have you believe… I highly doubt that Stern has any real power to pressure the feds. They certainly aren’t going to roll over just because Stern wants to avoid bad PR.

Donaghy is throwing everything against the wall, knowing that little or none of it will stick… but in the hope that he can save a little more of his behind from the treatment it will receive in prison.

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, DAvid Stern, NBA, Tim Donaghy, gambling, refs | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Proof that the Flying Penis Does Exist!!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 21, 2008

The headline really isn’t exaggerated.

Since the dawn of time the myth of the flying penis has been around but never proven. The closest to real scientific proof one could get was Nick Saban in an airplane.

Garry Kasparov a former world chess champion now turned whiny activist in Russia was attacked by the flying penis. Did anyone notice the first reaction of the bodyguard? I thought he was going to run in terror until he manned up.

When Nick Saban was shown the video of the incident he simply stated.

“I could fly if I chose to.”

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

Posted in Chess, Nick Saban, The Flying Penis | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Help!!!! I’m Going to Jail!!!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 20, 2008

That’s right just like a (Insert your favorite SEC school here) football player, I’m going to jail on 06/19/08. So I need bail money. Psssttt…it’s a jail to raise money for charity…click here for more info. And seriously if you can….please give.

Posted in SEC Football | 1 Comment »

Dennis Rodman is Still Alive

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 19, 2008

Hard to imagine isn’t it? The rumors that Dennis Rodman is still alive have been circulating the Internet for years now however now there’s proof after Rodman was charged with domestic violence for allegedly hitting his girlfriend at a hotel last month. I hope this doesn’t effect his acting career.

Did Dennis find out that she has been dating Roger Clemens?

Los Angeles City Attorney spokesman Nick Velasquez said Rodman was charged Wednesday with spousal battery, brandishing a deadly weapon, and one count of dissuading a witness. The charges were misdemeanors. Only in LA would they be misdemeanors.

The 46-year-old was arrested at a hotel April 30 after Gina Peterson called hotel security. Police say she suffered injuries to her arm.

Rodman spokesman Darren Prince says Rodman had had too much to drink when he got into an altercation with Peterson. Prince says the couple are still dating.

Umm…why does Rodman have a spokesperson? What kind of loser do you have to be to be employed as Dennis Rodman’s spokesman?

“We look forward to a successful resolution of this misdemeanor matter,” said Rodman’s attorney, Paul Meyer.

Sure Rodman swings both ways literally and figuratively apparently. He’ll take out Carmen Electra then Carl Electra. The only certainty here is that he’ll inevitably do too many drugs and freak out. Good times.

Click to enlarge.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Dennis Rodman, NBA, The Worm, dumbass, mentally challenged | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Dallas Fans You’re Free to Molest Romo Again

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 19, 2008

For some strange reason the Dallas Cowboys actually have fans. Like Zip Zag that guy is a hardcore Dallas Cowboy fan. Well good news Dallas fans (and T.O.) you’re all free to start molesting Tony Romo again because he dumped Jessica Simpson.

“He reintroduced me to myself,” Simpson told US Weekly magazine. “I thought that I had to be deeper, more profound and more artsy. You change with the guys you date.

“Tony taught me that because he loves me [as me]. He made me feel comfortable [being myself] again,” she added.

Wait…did she just say “profound & artsy”? Isn’t this the chick that starred in the “Dukes of Hazard” movie? Oh yeah that was so artsy.

There seem to be several variables as to why Romo dumped Simpson like the way Owes dumps his quarterbacks.

Simpson pimp father, who’s been telling Jessica every move to make, also has begun to offer unsolicited advice to Tony on his career, endorsement opportunities and things that have nothing to do with him dating Jessica.

But the real breaking straw seems to be the fact Simpson started to refer to Romo as her future husband saying she wants Romo to be the father to her children. I can’t blame Romo for getting upset about that however Dallas still sucks.

Posted in Cry Baby, Dallas Cowboys, NFL Football, Tony Romo, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Yankees Fans Sniff the “Magical” Underwear of Jason Giambi…Ewww

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 18, 2008

See this guy to the left? His name is Matt and he is a contestant on Hell’s Kitchen. The best non-sports show on television. Matt is also a little whining bitch as well as being an admitted Metrosexual Yankees fan. Now I see why he’s a Yankees fan…keep reading you’ll catch on.

Yankee fans you should be disgraced (worse than normal) and extremely embarrassed by how the Yankees are “turning” things around. Psssttttt…you’re still in last place.

Jason Giambi admitted Friday that wears a gold lamé thong with a flame-line waistband when he’s trying to get out of a hitting slump under his pinstriped pants & this is what is worse…others are wearing the same pair as well.

It works every time,” Giambi said after his secret was outed on Portfolio.com.

He better wear a teddy and thigh highs to match with his slump!

Derek Jeter agreed that Giambi’s thong works, although “it’s so uncomfortable running around the bases.”

“I had it over my shorts and stuff,” he said. “I was 0-for-32 and I hit a homer on the first pitch. That’s the only time I’ve ever worn it.”

Johnny “I Once was Good but Suck Since Becoming a Traitor & Joining the Yankees” Damon also admitted donning the golden panties “probably three times.”

“I may need to wear it again soon,” said Damon, who is batting a mediocre .255.

What is the secret of Giambi’s golden thong, other than being Pride.Power.Panties?

“You’re not worrying about your hands or your balance at the plate,” Damon said. “You’re worried about the uncomfortable feeling you’re receiving.”

He also went to say it makes him feel a “sexy bitch.”

In the earlier interview with Portfolio.com, Giambi claimed he also hung his thong in the lockers of teammates Bernie Williams, Robin Ventura and Robinson Cano when they had trouble generating runs.

“I only put it on when I’m desperate to get out of a big slump,” Giambi said.

Giambi – whose 2008 salary, $23.4 million, is the second highest in the majors – is struggling. He’s hitting .181 with 7 homers and just 20 RBI.

“Whoever is on slumps, puts it on,” catcher Jorge Posada admitted. “I don’t know if it works. I haven’t worn it yet. A lot of players have worn it,” but he didn’t name names. Asked if the thong got washed between wearings, he gave a cringe-worthy answer. “Ask Jason,” said Posada. “Jason is a little strange.”

Yankee outfielder Bobby Abreu recoiled and threw his arms up in the air when a reporter waved a variation of Giambi’s shiny underwear in his face.

“I don’t know anything about that,” Abreu insisted, though his bulging eyes said otherwise.

Lovely. You know that sappy music that is played during the awesome speech Lou Gehrig made? They need to replace the music with “The Thong Song” by Sisqo.

Since the thong hasn’t yet stopped his slump (0.181 batting average), Giambi has now decided to wear the matching bra top, except he will have to wait for Derek Jeter to be done with it first.

Thanks a lot Yankees, now I can’t even look at Giambi without thinking of him in a thong. Not the mental picture I wanted. Must replace image…think….Jessica Alba, Jessica Alba, Jessica Alba.

Johnny Damon looked very pleased after he is given his own

thong. Fly that Metrosexual Freak Flag you traitor!

Posted in Cry Baby, Derek Jeter, Golden Thongs, Hell's Kitchen, Johnny Damon, MLB, Major League Baseball, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Behold the Power of Bobby Bowden & the Idiocy of the Florida Justice System

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 16, 2008

On April 23rd I wrote a post about F$Us’ Preston Parker and his arrest of a felony charge for carrying a concealed firearm and a misdemeanor for marijuana possession.

Here’s a direct quote from that post:

“Florida State‘s disciplinary policy calls for suspension of any athlete facing criminal charges and prohibits any student-athlete charged with a felony, from competing until the charge is resolved. Which knowing the weight Bowden still carries should be rather soon.”

Well, I didn’t know how much weight Bobby Bowden carried then now I do. Steve God Spurrier and the rest of the SEC coaches bow down to Bobby Bowden. He’s duped the States Attorney into reducing the charges so Parker can play football. After all that’s all that matters isn’t it?

“That probably is what we are looking at most strongly,” Assistant State Attorney Alan Johnson said. “We will have an offer out there. A perfectly appropriate resolution to this case would be a reduction in charges.”

Amazing…simply amazing…and of course Parkers’ attorney is creaming his BVDs of this one.

“That’s going to be an important part of any resolution to Preston … to be able to continue his playing career at FSU,” said his attorney, Jason Weiss of West Palm Beach. I’m confident they will treat him fairly and look at his case as any person in his situation who has no prior record.”

But that’s where he is incorrect. Parker was arrested in 2006 in Tallahassee for petty theft. Those charges were dropped two weeks ago after Parker paid $170 in fees necessary to complete a pre-trial diversion program. So he isn’t exactly a “first time” offender.

“A young first offender on a non-violent crime, generally we try to see if they have got something going for them so we can give them some sort of a break,” Johnson said. We are treating this like any other case. The key is he’s not a football player, but he’s a 21-year-old kid who has a minimal prior record. Our office has bent over backwards to try to make them successful.”

According to FSU athletic department policy, the head coach determines the disciplinary action following a misdemeanor charge, which also is reviewed by the athletic director.

Coach Bobby Bowden said at his annual tour stop in Polk County last month that Parker probably would be suspended for “a few games” this season.

Weiss said Parker has expressed remorse for the arrest.

“He’s extremely sorry for the embarrassment this arrest has caused his family and the university,” Weiss said. “I know he’s committed to making the necessary changes in his life to become a positive role model and influence in the community. Part of that is eliminating the negative influences in his life.”

So if a guy gets caught with a concealed weapon and with drugs, he only has to set out (likely) the powder-puff non-conference schedule? Stay classy, Florida State.

Posted in ACC Football, Bobby Bowden, Crime & Punishment, FSU, Florida State Seminoles | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

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