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Archive for June 2nd, 2008

One Week Later & Danica is Still Acting Like a Bitch

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 2, 2008

A week after Danica Patrick showed that her testosterone level is above normal…even for Barry Bonds, she refuses to apologize to Ryan Briscoe or anyone else.

“You know, adrenaline’s pumping,” she said of the post-race blowups. “That usually lasts after every weekend, after every time you’re on the track in race situation, for an hour or two after. Your adrenaline’s up. You’re thinking about it, talking, sort of debriefing the whole thing. That’s the same pretty much every weekend.”

–”You know, adrenaline’s pumping,” she said of the post-race blowups. “That usually lasts after every weekend…”

…or at least every fourth weekend or so.

“I don’t regret my instincts and emotions, nor can I change them very easily,” she said Friday. “I try to not live with those kinds of regrets. I think everything happens for a reason.”

Male or female, it doesn’t matter. She threw a fit in a race she was not going to win, and when she did she came across as a phony to me. I’ve read about Tony Stewart and Kyle Busch act the same way this year, but at least they did so when they were knocked out of races they should have won. When these guys get knocked out when they have no chance, they do not throw as much of a fit as Danica did in Indy.

Patrick and Briscoe talked briefly hours after the 500 and Briscoe said Thursday that neither of them apologized or took blame for the incident.

“I think the one thing we’ve agreed on is, we both want to just move on,” Briscoe told The Associated Press. “And I’m happy we’ve got a race this weekend so we can put that behind us.”

“You always have to walk that fine line in racing with being respected for being a tough competitor, but fair.”

Patrick agreed, saying, “As a race car driver, I don’t know if any of us have that hard a time. … We go on to the next event. All we’re concerned about is performing at that next event … and thinking about the car and the track.

“I mean, for myself, I forget the weekend before pretty quickly. It’s not that difficult. It’s just kind of my nature. … I think a lot of us drivers are probably the same.”

“For the most part, almost every weekend it does happen,” she said. “You know, there’s usually somebody that you walk away from the track not liking that weekend for some particular reason. So that’s pretty common

“Being a short track like this, putting all these cars on one track, it’s definitely possible that people are going to be fighting for the same road. But I think that it’s good here that we can two-wide, as well.”

Patrick added, “That’s just racing. If we were all polite to each other every second, it wouldn’t be racing. We have to race hard. … You can’t be too aggressive that people don’t respect you because you’re driving like an idiot. And then there’s the other side of it, being too passive and people just think of you as weaker on the track because of that.

Ashley Judd vs Danica Patrick? Pay per view bonanza!

For some reason people think shes the best thing since sliced bread…. shes won “1″ race…. thats all.

But that doesn’t change the fact that she is a diva, full of herself and hyped well beyond her ability. she should spend less time on magazine covers and more time behind the wheel before she decides to become the circuit enforcer. As for being knocked of the big race, the only way she was going to win that day was if everybody else ahead of her dropped out or her constant whining made everybody’s heads explode. She spent 90 minutes complaining on her crew radio about not being able to keep up then claims she had her chance taken away. She does excel at magazine covers.

Asked what he would do if Patrick came looking for him after a race, Dixon grinned and replied, “I’ll be running, man, I’ll be running. I think if you get involved in that, it can only be bad.”

He wasn’t about to place blame for the Indianapolis collision, either.

“I think it was a total racing incident,” Dixon said. “It’s a narrow pit. I think the only thing that Briscoe maybe did wrong, which all of us do, is spin the wheels too much, got into the side of her. I’ve been involved in so many of those accidents on pit road, you can’t do anything about it. That’s just one of those things.”

My take? She got mad, she vented, nothing happened. The hell is there to apologize over? She cuts the guys break lines this weekend, then she might have to say sorry.

Danica is like a Ferrari: Beautiful with classic lines, geared to be a winner, and have mercy on any goof ball who gets in her way on the way to the finish line.

She had no chance at all to win the race, as usual. I don’t care if she finishes consistently in the top 10. If you’re not first, you’re last, period.

She is nothing but an over-hyped average driver who acts like a prima donna. She is the Terrel Owens of

Posted in Cry Baby, Danica Patrick, Indy Car, classless | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

The Book of Numbers Chapter 13 (NIV)

Posted by Joel on June 2, 2008

There was once a man named Bobby, who was excited about the upcoming Tide football season, but was a little concerned because the team still had the pagan Shula’s recruits left. Bobby would putter along like any other member of the Saban Nation, spending his days stockpiling Scott Toilet Tissue whenever Walgreens had a sale on it, and kissing the altar of his holiness The Bear. Tuscaloosa wasn’t heaven, however Bobby felt as though it was heaven on earth.

He would remember his days as a youth as Bear brought in the best of the best to maintain the team’s rightful dominance in college football. His heart was very joyful when Stallings won another championship and the cash flowed throughout the town of Tuscaloosa, both around the team and at the local t-shirt shop. He even remembers seeing the prophet Logan Young on the sidelines, credit card in hand, to provide the players with the finest liquor, drugs, strippers, whatever was needed for the good of the Tide Nation, and Bear looked down from heaven and was proud.

However, Bobby’s faith has been a little shaken. The Tide has been a punchline lately, and the program has not won a championship in what seems like years. Even with the arrival of St. Nick the Magnificent, the Tide still cannot vanquish the in state goat lover’s to the south or the nutria in Louisiana. The only bright spot has been the annual trips to Shreveport to enjoy whatever there is to do in Shreveport.

Bobby was now down and out. His childhood memories of ‘Bama glory has now been replaced with images of Dee Snyder looking strippers hugged up with Coach Price, Shula’s gold chains, stolen textbooks, and losing 6 straight to Tuberville. There just hasn’t been enough Golden Flake chips in the world to bring the good memories back. One day, during the 7th inning stretch of the Montgomery Biscuits baseball game (the only team winning championships in the state these days), he had a vision after visiting his friend John at the Biscuits souvenir stand. His faith in the Tide would be restored, because St. Nick the Magnificent has just appeared in front of him. He then told Bobby:

“Verily I say unto you, my child, that thy faith has been shaken. Why??? Be mindful of your thoughts, your feelings about the Crimson Tide have betrayed you. I have wined and dined with kings and queens, and I beseech you, my child, to have faith. Have you forgotten that I am a direct descendant of Bear himself??? Did you not remember that I vanquished the mighty Vols by my mastery and cunning alone??? I have unlimited resource$ at my disposal. Remember when Julio Jones put on that crimson hat on signing day??? Why have you lost your faith???

Bobby replied “My Prophet!!! You are not short like all the liberal left wing nut job papers report that you are. And your hair is so perfect and has a silky sheen to it. Do you use Prell???” To which St. Nick the Magnificent replied:

You mean to tell me that is the response that I get??? Typical. How can these people afford to pay me $4 million per year with such dumb ass responses??? Oh well, West Virginia will be open in a couple of years. Listen son, have faith in me. I am great. I have put downtrodden programs back on the map and have a national championship to my credit. The problem is that right now we are still trying to weed out Gold Chain Shula’s players that he recruited. In a few years, we will be competing for that SEC West crown in no time.”

Bobby was now feeling much better. His faith had been just about restored, but he had to ask the following: “What about Auburn???

“For there is a great eagle to the south that soars high and wide over the stars that fell over Alabama. The eagle has posed little to no threat to life as we speak until recently. But verily I say unto you, Bobby, ye of the “fine” public educational system in Alabama, that we shall vanquish that eagle and the Tide will roll once again. Fear not, my child, for lo, I will be with you always (until my next fat paycheck). Continue to drink out of the Biscuits souvenir cup that has just touched the hem of my garment and you shall be transported to a happier time.”

It was then that Bobby woke up, pissy drunk in Montgomery County jail on charges of public intoxication after consuming 64 oz. of moonshine at a Southern League baseball game. It seemed that his friend John was an Auburn alum and alerted the police of his drunkenness…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Auburn, College Football, NCAA, Nick Saban, Roll Tide, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tommy Tuberville, War Eagle, alcoholics, satire, tommy Turbeville | 1 Comment »

RIP Harvey Korman

Posted by Joel on June 2, 2008

I meant to put this up Friday, but my new promotion has me posting blogs at about the rate of Haley’s comet. Wait a minute, I’m a blogger. OK, so really I have just moved from one side of my mom’s basement to the other side of it, but the corner is too dark, full of spiders, and I get a horrible NetZero dial up connection.

RIP Harvey Korman, who was a genius actor and besides playing Hedley Lamarr in one of my all-time favorite movies, “Blazing Saddles”, was comedic gold with Tim Conway on the “Carol Burnett Show”. I think the thing that made him the best was that whenever he and Conway did a skit, they could barely keep it together…

Posted in Sports | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »