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Pacman Jones Wants to be Known as the Player Formally Known as Pacman

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 23, 2008

Pacman is dead according to Adam Jones AKA the player formally known as Pacman.

The still suspended Dallas Cowboys cornerback would like to be called by his given name and make “Pacman” a thing of the past.

“There’s really just a lot of negativity behind it,” Jones said. “It’s just time for a change, man. I’m doing everything to make sure that I’m all right as a person, mentally and emotionally.”

This is a good start for Adam Jones but not the answer to fixing his problems.

After speaking to about 60 kids at a basketball camp hosted by Dallas Mavericks forward Brandon Bass on Saturday, Jones expressed his desire to drop his nickname.

The kids at the camp called out “Pacman Jones! Pacman Jones!” after he spoke to them. But he signed autographs with his given name, not the nickname given to him by his mother when he was an infant.

“My mom is going to call me ‘Pacman.’ That is what it is. I can’t change that,” Jones said. “I’m not saying that my teammates won’t call me ‘Pacman’ on the field. But for the most part, I want to be Adam or Mr. Jones.”

This is called spin and damage control. This is why the NFL wants Jones to wear a suit and tie on the Dallas sidelines if he isn’t participating in play.

I bet Jerry Jonesis thinking

“As long as he helps me win a Super Bowl, I couldn’t care less if he murdered half of South America and supplied cocaine to the rest of the country outside of Texas… but at least let’s spin it to seem like we give a damn to these idiot sports fans.”

Rosters handed out by the Cowboys during their mandatory minicamp last week listed No. 21 as “Pacman Jones,” because that’s what he told team officials to do. Go figure…

Also when Jones conducted an interview at the Cowboys’ facility on June 4 he didn’t bother mentioning that he planned to forsake his nickname.

I will no longer call him Adam “Pacman” Jones. The new name is Adam “Rainman” Jones. Rainman always makes sure that the dollars rain down on the ladies at the club, even if it causes shootings, assaults, and other incidents beyond his simple mind’s control.

At the same time Pacman’s oops…Rainmans’ name has recently appeared in the news. A woman involved in the Las Vegas brawl was found dead last week behind a building in the Bronx. Officers found her unresponsive with injuries consistent with a fall.

The woman, 26-year-old Sadia Morrison, had pleaded no contest to a felony battery charge last year in Las Vegas. Jones pleaded no contest to a disorderly conduct charge in Las Vegas after police said he incited the melee.

Back in Tennessee, a foreclosure sale was published involving Jones’ home and 30 acres in a Nashville suburb. The home and land are scheduled to be sold Friday on the courthouse steps. Tax records show Jones purchased the property in July 2006 for $1.5 million, but he defaulted on the terms and conditions of a mortgage.

I’ll give Adam “Rainman” Jones half a season until his entire name is permanently “a thing of the past”. . . . Except when people talk about how a 24 year old multi-millionaire got his home foreclosed on because he was taking his mortgage payments and making it rain.

2 Responses to “Pacman Jones Wants to be Known as the Player Formally Known as Pacman”

  1. Danometer said

    Is he going to go full “Prince” on us and change his name to an unpronounceable androgynous symbol (the manly bitch that it is).

  2. Danometer said

    Speaking of manly bitches, how about that Don Imus dipshit?

    “What color is he?”

    Pacman dives to a new low, and Imus has to one-up er-I-mean ONE-DOWN Jones.

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