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Archive for July 9th, 2008

Chris Henry is Broke & it is Your Problem Cincinnati

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 9, 2008

Chris Henry has made 2.5 million since 2005 as a member of the Cincinnati Thugs Bengalis yet the boy is so broke that Michael Vick looks like Bill Gates compared to him. Guess what fair citizens of Cincinnati it’s your problem because Henry wants taxpayers to pay for a trial record.

“He’s broke,” said Perry Ancona, the former player’s attorney. “He doesn’t have any money to pay for a transcript.”

And that comment cost the taxpayers of Cincinnati at least fifty big ones.

Ancona filed a motion asking for taxpayers, you know the people who actually work, to pay for a written transcript of Henry’s trial. Henry was arrested after a March 31 incident and charged with criminal damaging and assault.

A judge threw out the criminal damaging charge, saying Cincinnati prosecutors couldn’t prove the allegation. A mistrial was declared last week on the assault charge when jurors couldn’t come to a unanimous verdict. Jurors said they voted 6-2 to acquit Henry.

But prosecutors said Tuesday they would retry Henry on the misdemeanor assault charge.

Henry’s trial was set for Monday.

Henry, a wide receiver drafted in the third round out of WVU, signed a five-year contract for about $6 million. The contract included annual salaries plus playing-time and other incentives.

He received another $1 million to sign plus an average of just over $500,000 for the first three years. He was to be paid $520,000 this year by the team but the team released him after his arrest.

But Ancona claims Henry is as destitute as the Bengalis defense was last year.

“He has no funds whatsoever and can’t even meet his current obligations,” Ancona told the judge.

Don’t worry though, Jerry Jones will sign him. That way he can have the top 2 convicts in the league on each side of the ball. (Pacman Jones) Anyone notice both of them went to the same school?

Henry’s $360,000 Florence house – he bought it in 2005 during his rookie year – was auctioned in May when he failed to pay the mortgage. How the hell we missed that story here I’ll never know.

Henry’s SUV was repossessed last month while he was in court, which was a lot. Damn it Joel you let that one slip by me as well? Ugh!

Henry, who is suspended by the National Football League, was arrested after a March 31 incident in Clifton Heights in which he was accused of punching Gregory Meyer, 18, in the head.

Ancona said in court Tuesday that Meyer tried to “shake down” Henry by asking for $100,000 to make the charges go away.

The assault charge against Henry carries a maximum sentence of 180 days in jail.

Henry wants to continue a professional football career and needs to be acquitted to do that.

However I think he could work at the McDonalds or he could sell pot, seeing as he has a history around it.

Chris, your “friends” aren’t helping you out?
You know, all those people who helped drink your liquor?
Unemployment benefits?
Pretend to be a gas pump?
Pathetic.

Posted in Broke Ass, Chris Henry, Cincinnati Bengals, Crime & Punishment, NFL, NFL Football, Pacman Jones, WVU, West Virginia Mountaineers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Borat Punks Arkansas With Dollar Beers & Homo Erotic MMA Fights

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 9, 2008

Dollar beers and cage fighting seem to go hand in hand. That’s what crowds in Arkansas were promised but what they got was punked with men ripping each others’ clothes off and kissing – a stunt suspected of being orchestrated by Sacha Baron Cohen of Borat fame. All in all it was still more entertaining than the upcoming Razorback football season.

“We had a contract for cage fighting. We were deceived,” said Dwight Duncan, president and CEO of Four States Fair Grounds in Texarkana.

The day after the June 5 Texarkana bout, Fort Smith’s convention centre hosted “Blue Collar Brawlin.”‘ Fort Smith police Sgt. Adam Holland said organizers told him a character named “Straight Dave” would goad a planted audience member into the ring for a fight.

The two men would then wrestle, rip away some of their clothes and share a brief kiss reminiscent of one between Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell in the film Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

For the record this author finds that Ricky Bobby is the best NASCAR driver ever!

“Producers said “there would be a romantic embrace,” Holland said. “They said it was kind of to essentially make fun, poke fun at wrestling – two guys rolling around on the floor, all sweaty.”

Holland should have known that the only sexual contact between two males in Arkansas should only be between a man and his livestock.

Scores of mounted and handheld video cameras caught the crowd of 1,600′s reaction as the two men “went right up to the line” of the city’s morality laws, Holland said. The two men stripped down to their underwear, kissed and rubbed on each other, the sergeant said.

The audience, as well as local fighters drawn to take part in the show, became enraged while others had a sudden yearning to make them squeal like a pig.

I’m suddenly reminded of Andy Kaufman. Most people didn’t ‘get’ him either. But you just couldn’t stop watching/ Humor is just one small part of the Cohen experience (the penis if you like) and part of what makes him so funny is his knack for manic juxtaposition in order to reveal societal prejudices.

“It set the crowd off lobbing beers,” Holland said. “They had beers in plastic cups. Those things can get some distance on them actually.”

I’m surprised the rednecks would part with $1 beers so easily like that!

Holland said it took officers about 45 minutes to clear the convention center, as the two actors sprinted away through a specially set-aside tunnel.

Those in attendance were told by several signs on display that they’d be filmed, Holland said, and signed waivers before the event. Convention center sales director Karin Hobbs declined to name the event’s sponsor Monday.

I’m sure some attendees were leaving while muttering “If I wanted gays I would have stayed home and watch Full House!”

Baron Cohen became a national celebrity after his 2006 hit movie Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, in which he played a bumbling reporter from the Central Asia nation.

News of the faked cage fights comes as Baron Cohen is in production of a movie titled Bruno, named after the gay Austrian fashion reporter he developed for Da Ali G Show. Baron Cohen, in the guise of Bruno, often interviewed subjects in the South.

If the cage match visits came from Baron Cohen, it wouldn’t be the first time Arkansas fell for a practical joke. In 2000, then-Gov. Mike Huckabee fell for a prank and congratulated Canada for preserving its icebound Parliament, calling it a “national igloo.”

But who can forget this prank by Sacha Baron?

Posted in Arkansas, Beer, Borat, MMA, Punk'ed, Sacha Baron | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »