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A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

The Little Known Features of EA Sports NCAA 2009 Football

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 15, 2008

Find your overrated school cover here

Well well well…today is the day that EA sports NCAA 2009 is released. There are many new features that aren’t gathering the attention they deserve, let’s go over some.

When you’re playing as Tennessee the more you lose the more stress is placed on the Great Battle Captain Phil Fulmer thus resulting in weight loss. Go for the male swimsuit model look! There’s also a special code that allows to take a virtual tour of Knoxville via police ride-a-longs. Sweet!

If you’re playing as Ohio State & make it to the BCS championship game but you’re paired against a SEC team…go ahead and press reset, you’ve automatically lost. Another note when you’re playing as Ohio State you can bypass playing Michigan game, you’ll win it every time so why waste your time.

There’s a secret Jimmy Johns mode when playing as Alabama where you can snort some of the end zone chalk.

While playing as Michigan if any opposing team makes fun of the fact you lost to Appy State you’re allowed to kick their mascot.

If you’re playing as Penn State and Joe Pa breaks his leg you can have him shot & put him out of his misery.

If you’re playing as Oklahoma and make it to a BCS bowl game just press reset you can’t win.

If you lose a game while playing as South Carolina you’re allowed to try and decapitate the opposing coach with Spurrier’s visor.

If you defeat Texas for the national championship you can kill and grill Bevo the Texas mascot or Matthew Mcconaughey your choice.

While playing as Alabama, Florida or South Carolina you’re allowed to comment crimes as players and then bail them out, supply them a lawyer and attend the trials as a spectator. There are also special codes of all three schools that allow you to use bongs, guns and stolen merchandise as “recruiting tools”.

While playing as Georgia you can have Uga defecate on any opposing coach’s shoe.

While playing against Michigan you can have the INS arrest and detain Rich Rodriguez for not having a green card on his person at the time.

If you lose to Louisiana-Monroe while playing as Alabama, you can send EA Sports a screen shot of the final score and they will ship you a loaded gun to kill yourself with, because no one should lose to them in real life much less during a freaking video game.

While playing as West Virginia you have a secret weapon in using the enormously ugly chicks as cheerleaders like the Angry Err posted here at LWS.

When playing as Ole Miss you can send dirty and obscene text messages to blond female members of press. Much like Houston Nutt did while at Arkansas.

When playing against Auburn at Auburn you have a brief window of opportunity to shoot down the eagle mascot in mid flight.

Speaking of Arkansas when you’re in coach mode you can up and quit without notice.

While playing as LSU, the more you win the bigger Les Miles’ hat gets.

2 Responses to “The Little Known Features of EA Sports NCAA 2009 Football”

  1. lawvol said

    Priceless… A real thing of beauty.

  2. Joel said

    “There’s a secret Jimmy Johns mode when playing as Alabama where you can snort some of the end zone chalk.”

    Didn’t Lawrence Taylor do that once???

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