Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for July 16th, 2008

Vandy has new Uniform Designs

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 16, 2008

Vanderbilt football players will wear nine uniform variations this season with black, gold and white options for both jerseys and pants. Which gives more credence to the question,”wonder which team will show up?”

The two-color stripe, standard on Commodore pants from 2002 to 2006, has been removed to make the scheme appear less gay and has been replaced with the Nike “swoosh” and the team’s official two-color “Star V” logo patch stitched on either hip. Which actually makes the uniforms appear more gay than before.

The two-color stripe formerly on jersey sleeves also has been eliminated, replaced with a one-inch solid black stripe. Vandy could have 900 uniform variations and it still wouldn’t change the product on the football field.

At most, they can only absorb 2 losses in the same uniforms. Now that’s brilliance on display right there.

Making the jersey unique to Vanderbilt is the inclusion of the color “Star V” logo into a “home plate” design in the front collar.

The same logo also has been added to the back of each jersey above the number, making Vanderbilt one of only a few teams nationally to feature such a design.

One design that didn’t make the cut was a tiny Fleur-De-Lis emblazoned on each pant cheek.

Posted in SEC, SEC Football, Vanderbilt, vandy | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

Native American Basketball Player Proves she can Crossover Dribble while Shoplifting

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 16, 2008

I would personally like to thank Danometer for this story tip. And in the words of Dan:

“The OU Sooners used to be known as the Be$t Player$ Money ¢ould Buy, especially back under the Herr Switzer era. Did the pay-off cash dry up?”

Walmart must be beginning to hate University of Oklahoma athletes. It seems every few months an OU athlete is arrested in a Walmart which can be technically found every 2.5 square miles across this country.

Women’s basketball point guard Jenna Plumley sent a message out to the OU football players yesterday. The message was simple. If you can fail at shoplifting then so can I. I am woman hear roar!! (And cry when the cuffs are placed on my wrists)

According to an arrest report, Plumley was busted while trying to steal four cosmetics items valued at $34.65. She allegedly put a compact, eyeliner and two eye shadows in her purse after removing their bar codes and tried to leave the store without paying for them and by the looks of her she needs all the makeup she can get.

Officer Jennifer Newell said a Walmart theft prevention officer made the arrest.

This should be a lesson to all and any ugly women reading this. Save yourself some trouble by donning a paper bag with eyeholes. How embarrassing is it to be busted for shoplifting by what is essentially a rent-a-cop?

An OU athletics department spokesman said coach Sherri Coale is aware of the situation, but the department is making no comment and Coale would handle the matter internally.

Meaning the coach was looking into start selling Mary Kay cosmetics to supplement her income, but since her players can’t afford Walmart makeup how in the hell can they afford the expensive stuff?

Tony doesn’t love shoplifters

Posted in Big 12, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Oklahoma sooners, Shoplifting, Walmart, basketball, white trash | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

Matt Jones was just “Holding” the Drugs…(Yeah…Right…Sure)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 16, 2008

On advice from some snot-nosed attorney, Jaguars wide receiver & former Arkansas QB, Matt Jones isn’t squealing like a razorback about being charged with felony possession of cocaine.

However his pappy, Steve Jones, eager to get on TV issued a statement to KNWA-TV in Fayetteville, Ark., stating his coked up dumbass son is denying that the drugs belonged to him that ultimately led to his arrest and thus me mocking him.

“Matt is anxious to make a statement and wants to make a statement,” said the statement issued to the television station. “His attorney has advised him to not say anything until they have had a chance to speak together. They will release a statement at the appropriate time.

“We want to make it clear that Matt was not in possession of any drugs,” the statement continued, “but that there were drugs in the vehicle and were located in the closest proximity to Matt. He does not claim any responsibility for the drugs.”

You tell’em pops! Of course by that logic there must have thousands maybe even millions of people falsely arrested and prosecuted for drug possession.

But…for some reason the police report seems to tell a different story and really helps to that theory out of the water.

Jones was spotted in the backseat of a Toyota 4Runner when an officer on foot patrol saw him with a “white powdery substance and in his hand, a credit card that he was using to chop up and scrape the powder.”

When asked by the officer if the powder was cocaine, Jones said, “Yes.”

You know that’s an old SEC football player pastime. Getting stopped by the Po Po and admitting that the drugs that were found were yours and then deny it in the media. South Carolina players do it all the time.

What would have made this story perfect is if the police officer embellished the report a little by saying “then Jones took a big snort of said power and uttered ‘My God I can’t feel my face.’”

Posted in A&E's Intervention, Arkansas Razorbacks, Crime & Punishment, Matt Jones, NFL, SEC, drugs, dumbass, jacksonville jaguars | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »