Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for July 31st, 2008

It’s time to say goodbye

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 31, 2008

to Manny :(

Posted in Boston Redsox, Manny Ramirez | Leave a Comment »

Like the Herpes Garcia keeps returning to the Gamecocks

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 31, 2008

How many college students do you personally know can key a professor’s car and not get expelled? The answer is either zero or one if you happen to know Stephen Garcia on a personal level.

Here is what the Garcia time line looks thus far:


  • January: Arrives on campus
  • Feb. 17: Arrested in Five Points and charged with drunkenness and failure to stop on police command
  • Feb. 19: Suspended indefinitely by Steve Spurrier from team activities
  • Feb. 22: Reinstated to team
  • March 3: Arrested and charged with vandalizing the car of a USC professor two days earlier; suspended indefinitely
  • March 5: Issues a public apology and has his long hair trimmed
  • March 7: Spurrier announces Garcia will be suspended from spring practice
  • April 16: Reinstated to team
  • June 29: Enters pretrial intervention program that would clear charges from two previous arrests
  • Aug. 28: Spurrier announces intention to red shirt Garcia for 2007 season
  • October: Girlfriend gives birth to a boy, Memphis


  • March 21: Begins spring practice in open competition for starting quarterback job
  • March 22: Cited and charged with underage drinking; listed as only suspect in discharging of fire extinguisher in campus dorm
  • March 25: Suspended from team activities until Aug. 15 by the university.

And of course the USC higher-ups can not even make that stick. Pathetic.

Garcia, suspended since March following his third run-in with the law in a 15-month span, is back on the campus of USC. Anyone want to take or make bets as to how long it will be before he is wearing handcuffs again?

“Stephen is the third quarterback. Stephen’s not going to talk to the media. Stephen doesn’t need anymore attention,” Spurrier said. “He’s had plenty of attention for a guy who’s never played a down.”

Oh but don’t you believe that. After all it was the Ole Ball (sac) Coach Steve God Spurrier that proclaimed in April of 07 that if Garcia slips up one more time he would be forever kicked off the team. Of course that didn’t come to pass now did it?

Garcia earlier today issued a statement through USC thanking the University for yet another chance and saying he will not speak to the media until he’s played in an official game.

“I thank everyone at the University of South Carolina that was involved with my reinstatement – for giving me another chance to be a student-athlete here.

All I can say is that I will try to be the best student-athlete I can during my career here and make this decision a positive one for our university.

The media attention needs to go to Tommy Beecher and the other players on our team. I will not start talking to the media until I begin playing in the real games here at Carolina.”

pic courtesy of Chicken Curse Dot Com

Of course he is back. USC coaches are not into trying to form young minds properly and to teach them what they need to succeed in the world. By God they’re football players NOT student athletes! All they care about is their dumb, pugilistic, criminal football team that is so second rate that they are barely worth mentioning when discussing college football, unless you’re talking about college football failures. ;) Garcia’s real game of quarters will be sometime tonight expect a press conference by tomorrow.

The Gamecocks are expecting a 7-6 season this year: 7 Arrests, 6 convictions. Hopefully they won’t mistake him for one of the refs when he shows up still wearing his prison jumpsuit.

Let’s face it Spurrier is feeling the heat in the Deathbed of Coaches of trying to climb to a 7 – 5 record this year. If he believes Garcia can help, he’ll do whatever it takes to have him on the field. Some things never change.

Q: What is Steve Spurrier’s biggest concern?
A: Whether or not the NCAA will count bail money as a recruiting violation.

Billy Bob Bammer has issued the following statement in regards to this matter:

“This is kind of fine upstanding player that could have saved Coach Shula from getting fired. rtr Mr. Garcia has been at USC since 07 and still a freshman? How in the daggum hell did Shula let this one get away? RTR Bitches!”

Posted in Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, moral victories | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Random Musings Part 2

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 31, 2008

Even though she hasn’t won a tournament yet or apparently can write her name on a score card Forbes reports that Michelle Wie is hightest paid golfer on the LPGA tour. That might explain why the rest of the LPGA ladies hate her and questions her skipping a major event to play in some rinky-dink men’s event that sounds like it is straight out of Tincup.

“I really don’t know why Michelle continues to do this. We have a major this week and, if you can’t qualify for a major, I don’t see any reason why you should play with the men.” said Sorenstam

The Packers offered Brett Fa*** more money to say home and shut the hell up. I heard Brett was late for the meeting…that’s odd it’s not like Fa*** to keep the Pack waiting…oh wait…nevermind.

Oh to be Renault Formula One managing director Flavio Briatore (who already knocked up Heidi Klum), check out more pictures of his wife.

The Olympics will suck, we all know that. Especially now that China will be limiting journalist access to the Internet something they promised the IOC they would not do. Of course the IOC is backing China now. I say we boycott.

Danny Ford is God is getting under God Spurrier’s skin. Also check out their tag line at the top.  :)

The Chicken Curse takes a look at Spurrier’s latest presser. They offer some different perspectives.  ;)

I’ve added two new Vols blogs to the list:

Legions of the Miserable

The View from the Hill who is also the newest edition to the Big Orange Roundtable

Also so checkout these BOR members responses to this weeks questions

Finally porn-tache thong wearing Jason Giambi flies the bird during a game. Stay classy Jason!

Posted in Bear is Dead, Beat Bama, Chicken Curse, Golden Thongs, Indy Car, Jason Giambi, LPGA, MLB, Major League Baseball, Michelle Wie, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Steve Spurrier, The Big Orange Roundtable, The Olympics, YouTube, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

You damn Hawgs! You’ll never beat us!!

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on July 31, 2008

Mrs Bammer love Arkansas love. Losers!

Good God almighty I’m tired. I just got back from cutting the kilos and getting ready for the grand opening of my own “Jimmy Johns” franchise. (wink wink) Now that things have settled down here I have time to celebrate the “Logan Young National Championship in Recruiting” and what the hell do I find out? Arkansas is attempting to steal the Fulmer Cup from us? rtr

Ernest Mitchell faces misdemeanor drug and gun charges after a traffic stop? What is this, the sixth player arrested this year, and the third in two months? I’ll admit it’s impressive but Bobby Petrino ain’t any Lord Saban!!! RTR!

However I am impressed with the Fayetteville police department. Mitchell was caught with a small-caliber gun, drug paraphernalia and what was believed to be a small amount of marijuana in his car.

Hey Mitchell come me I’ll hook your Hawg ass up!

Here is the kicker fellow Bammers, Mitchell wasn’t arrested but was given a citation for misdemeanor charges and allowed to leave. Why can’t the Po Po in this ghetto town be so kind?  If it was a Bama player the police would at least ask for a “donation” from the Tide legal fund. rtr

All told Mitchell faces charges of improper display of tags, possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and simultaneous possession of drugs and a firearm. Improper tags? I never make Mrs. Bammer wear her tags of course she ain’t had her shots either. rtr

Well if you want to burn some ganja while cleaning your Glock, while driving that old truck, Arkansas is the place to be. They don’t call it The Land of Opportunity for nothing. I’ll be looking into opening some “Jimmy Johns” stores there soon. rtr

I’m sure Petrino sure is glad he left the Michael Vick circus in Atlanta for….Arkansas. I wonder what the over/under is in the category of “Hogs arrested” such that Petrino will up and leave in October? And the WalMartians are paying how much per annum for this? Can he guarantee a lose to Louisiana Lafayette? I didn’t think so!  RTR!

So I Arkansas credit for making a late rush for the runner-up spot in the Fulmer Cup. Very impressive. Only a few days to go till the tabulating is over with. But it would take a mega effort to overtake the Tide. RTR Bitches!!!

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas Razorbacks, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bobby Petrino, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, Lord Saban, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, classless, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »