Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Like the Herpes Garcia keeps returning to the Gamecocks

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 31, 2008

How many college students do you personally know can key a professor’s car and not get expelled? The answer is either zero or one if you happen to know Stephen Garcia on a personal level.

Here is what the Garcia time line looks thus far:


  • January: Arrives on campus
  • Feb. 17: Arrested in Five Points and charged with drunkenness and failure to stop on police command
  • Feb. 19: Suspended indefinitely by Steve Spurrier from team activities
  • Feb. 22: Reinstated to team
  • March 3: Arrested and charged with vandalizing the car of a USC professor two days earlier; suspended indefinitely
  • March 5: Issues a public apology and has his long hair trimmed
  • March 7: Spurrier announces Garcia will be suspended from spring practice
  • April 16: Reinstated to team
  • June 29: Enters pretrial intervention program that would clear charges from two previous arrests
  • Aug. 28: Spurrier announces intention to red shirt Garcia for 2007 season
  • October: Girlfriend gives birth to a boy, Memphis


  • March 21: Begins spring practice in open competition for starting quarterback job
  • March 22: Cited and charged with underage drinking; listed as only suspect in discharging of fire extinguisher in campus dorm
  • March 25: Suspended from team activities until Aug. 15 by the university.

And of course the USC higher-ups can not even make that stick. Pathetic.

Garcia, suspended since March following his third run-in with the law in a 15-month span, is back on the campus of USC. Anyone want to take or make bets as to how long it will be before he is wearing handcuffs again?

“Stephen is the third quarterback. Stephen’s not going to talk to the media. Stephen doesn’t need anymore attention,” Spurrier said. “He’s had plenty of attention for a guy who’s never played a down.”

Oh but don’t you believe that. After all it was the Ole Ball (sac) Coach Steve God Spurrier that proclaimed in April of 07 that if Garcia slips up one more time he would be forever kicked off the team. Of course that didn’t come to pass now did it?

Garcia earlier today issued a statement through USC thanking the University for yet another chance and saying he will not speak to the media until he’s played in an official game.

“I thank everyone at the University of South Carolina that was involved with my reinstatement – for giving me another chance to be a student-athlete here.

All I can say is that I will try to be the best student-athlete I can during my career here and make this decision a positive one for our university.

The media attention needs to go to Tommy Beecher and the other players on our team. I will not start talking to the media until I begin playing in the real games here at Carolina.”

pic courtesy of Chicken Curse Dot Com

Of course he is back. USC coaches are not into trying to form young minds properly and to teach them what they need to succeed in the world. By God they’re football players NOT student athletes! All they care about is their dumb, pugilistic, criminal football team that is so second rate that they are barely worth mentioning when discussing college football, unless you’re talking about college football failures. ;) Garcia’s real game of quarters will be sometime tonight expect a press conference by tomorrow.

The Gamecocks are expecting a 7-6 season this year: 7 Arrests, 6 convictions. Hopefully they won’t mistake him for one of the refs when he shows up still wearing his prison jumpsuit.

Let’s face it Spurrier is feeling the heat in the Deathbed of Coaches of trying to climb to a 7 – 5 record this year. If he believes Garcia can help, he’ll do whatever it takes to have him on the field. Some things never change.

Q: What is Steve Spurrier’s biggest concern?
A: Whether or not the NCAA will count bail money as a recruiting violation.

Billy Bob Bammer has issued the following statement in regards to this matter:

“This is kind of fine upstanding player that could have saved Coach Shula from getting fired. rtr Mr. Garcia has been at USC since 07 and still a freshman? How in the daggum hell did Shula let this one get away? RTR Bitches!”

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