Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

The Big Orange Roundtable Vol. V

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 4, 2008

This that time again, time too go to the roundtable First I want to thank LawVol at Gate 21 for making a seamless hand off. I also want to welcome the newest member of the roundtable: The View from the Hill.

This week is my turn to be king so I proclaim “Off with the heads of Bammers!” That being said let’s go to the questions.

1. One former VOL made the brave choice to testify against some Bammers and has to enter witness protection with a whole new identity, but that also gives him 4 more years of eligibility. Which VOL would you pick and why?

My choice is Albert Haynesworth. He would bigger and stronger than any of our opponents not mention he has a nasty mean streak in him. That mean streak would hold true to my decry of offing the heads of Bammers.  Except he would use his feet. His size and power would equal to at least 12 sacks alone.

2. Alabama has been given the death penalty and is forced to leave the SEC, at the same time South Carolina decides it can win a lot more in the Sunbelt conference and bolts the SEC. Two teams have to take their place who would you like to see take their place?

To replace South Carolina the obvious choice would be Clemson. I’ve been to many a Clemson game and there are “Bama-like” fanatics. The atmosphere is somewhat reminiscent of a SEC game. Plus an added advantage would be they have an excellent baseball program and an up & coming basketball program.  More competition breeds better teams for all.

To replace Alabama is a tougher tack though. In the past one could have said go with Southern Miss but that program is on the decline. There’s always UAB…but that wouldn’t work either.

My choice would be Texas. It could set a huge Third Saturday in October rivalry pitting burnt orange against Holy Orange. Plus it would make the rivalry it has with Arkansas back to a yearly affair.

Let’s not forget about the revenue both these teams would also bring to the SEC.

3. What will be the toughest road game to win and why?

I sent shock waves to some non-Roundtable Vols fans last week by predicting the beloved Tennessee Vols to lose to USC now let me explain why.

South Carolina’s most hated rival is Clemson but their most hated SEC rival is Tennessee with Georgia trailing in a very close third. South Carolina doesn’t hate the Vols because of some past traditional rivalry. They have no tradition. Their hated of us is due to self-hate and one thing. And that would be:

jeal·ousy (jeləs ē)

Noun

  1. the quality or condition of being jealous
  2. pl. -·ous·ies an instance of this; jealous feeling

Most Carolina fans hate USC but they love losers. They hate their football program for never stepping up and becoming a powerhouse no matter what conference they have been in. The fans in return transfer that hate to Tennessee. With Georgia they can say they have at least won a few by trading off victories and losses with the Bulldogs as time has passed however they can not do the same with Tennessee.

You might think I’m joking but I live in Columbia which is the heart of all Gamecock fans. I hear the snide comments before the games and the vicious comments after the game. These comments are not from people I know. Just yesterday I standing in the check-out line at Kroger and overheard one Gamecock fan say that if they beat Tennessee and Clemson this season but lose the rest it would be a great year. I wasn’t wearing anything that would identify me as being a Tennessee fan.

When a Gamecock fan “pleases” his or herself, they dream of defeating Tennessee at home only the finish with the money shot of them defeating Clemson. Lately that line of distinction between Tennessee & Clemson has drawn smaller in their eyes.

To make matters worse they hired the Evil Lying Steve God Spurrier who did lead the Gamecocks to a victory over Tennessee his first year. Granted that was also the same year the great Coach Fulmer has his first losing season ever. It was that victory that led these poor misguided fans to believe they have turned that mythical corner. Of course for the past 2 years Tennessee has prevailed.

Carolina started hot last year and then fizzled dramatically. If you ask the fans as to why they will most likely go back to the Tennessee loss. Their disdain for the Vols is almost as strong as Alabama’s hatred for Tennessee.

So this will be the toughest road game. Fulmer will have to deal with 80,000 or so Gamecock fans and looking across the field at the great Lying God Spurrier. This is the game that has turned Spurrier into a liar by allowing Garcia to come back even though he flatly stated he wouldn’t if he got into trouble one more time after keying that professor’s car. You can bet barring injury that Garcia will be starting against Tennessee not Smelly, not Beecher but the three time arrested in a fifteen month period Garcia.

If my beloved Vols win this game and I’m praying like crazy that they do, I will proudly go into work Monday dressed in orange and giving every Gamecock fan there a two finger salute, if you know what I mean.

4. Could have the great Coach Fulmer handled himself better at the SEC media event when he was asked about the subpoena instead of asking what subpoena?

Yes very much so. He could have something like”

“You see the BS I have to put up with? The rogue booster isn’t making my or the University of Tennessee football program  look bad, Instead they’re making Alabama look pitiful and they are making themselves look like some jilted lover.

It’s hard enough to be the dean of the SEC and I am 27 wins shy of sitting atop Tennessee’s all-time list, and there have been some pretty fair coaches along the way like General Neyland, Doug Dickey, Bill Battle and Johnny Majors.

I rank seventh all-time in wins among SEC coaches with 147; yet my salary ranks seventh among the current league coaches. Do you the media think I deserve this crap? Of course you don’t!

Never mind that my 1998 Tennessee team did not lose in 13 games and claimed the national championship. Never mind that the teams I’ve coached have won seven divisional titles and two SEC championships. Never mind that nine times my Tennessee teams have won at least 10 games in a season.

Instead you want to talk about some silly subpoena that I was served. We’re here to talk about football and by God that’s what I attend to do. Bitches!”

The Roundtable Membership

This concludes your kings’ questions for this week. Keep checking back here though because I’ll be linking to the other Big Orange Roundtablers for their responses to my questions as they themselves have answered them. As your king for this week I bid you a farewell. Remember: A good Alabama team is a beaten Alabama team! GO VOS!

5 Responses to “The Big Orange Roundtable Vol. V”

  1. pbrown16 said

    Thomas,

    I’ve completed my first Roundtable answers…here they are…

    http://pbrown16.wordpress.com/2008/08/04/big-orange-roundtable-5/

    Good work on the questions this week, I’m all for some Bammer hate.

    Patrick (The View From The Hill)

  2. [...] The Big Orange Roundtable Vol. V [...]

  3. [...] This Week’s Roundtable is hosted by Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain [...]

  4. RTT’s better late than never edition.

  5. Nice questions,

    High 5!

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