Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for August 5th, 2008

Tuesday Random Musings

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 5, 2008


I dare you to click it

I dare you to click it

It’s 6:18 AM and it’s already hotter than crack whore in a male prison. Let’s get to musing.

Those Big Orange Roundtable members that have answered this weeks questions are:

Ladies are you looking for a redneck boyfriend or a husband? Then don’t come here but instead go sit in the infield of a NASCAR race. One other thing you can pretty easily pick up at a NASCAR race? VD.

Pat Summit is the queen of college basketball and now she’s giving back to the University of Tennessee.

Things aren’t looking up for O.J. yet another person will testify against him at the upcoming Vegas trial. Jerry Jones is waiting to see if he beats the charges so he can offer him a contract with the cowboys.

Moondog gives us an update on the recruiting of Marlon Brown.

Losers With Socks defines what a Cromptonite really is.

Epic Carnival gives us 10 Reasons EA Sports is Responsible for this whole Brett Fa*** fiasco.

Posted in Brett Favre, NASCAR, OJ Simpson, Pat Summitt, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable, cromptonites | 3 Comments »

Pacman joins the Cowboys & Jessica Simpson starts stripping. Coincidence?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 5, 2008

According to the other “World Wide Leader in Sports” the Sun newspaper, Jessica Simpson has been giving Tony Homo Romo a strip show via a web-cam. She is doing it to keep the romance alive. But I think this is a way for the Cowboys to keep Pacman out of the strip clubs.Somehow T.O. is involved with this but I haven’t made that connection…yet.

The Shocking part: Jessica Simpson knows how to work a web cam.

A pal said: “Jess has no problem showing Tony her favourite ‘PUSSYCAT DOLLS‘ routine. She will dance in front of her camera until she makes her man happy.”

Jessica makes sure her web cam shows are for Tony’s eyes only according to the paper.

The pal added: “Jess does get paranoid, making sure Tony doesn’t have any of his Cowboys buddies peeking in on the show.”

This can only end with videos winding up on the internet then again Peter King does the same thing for Brett Fa***.

Posted in Adam Jones, Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones, Jessica Simpson, NFL Football, Pacman, T.O., Terrell Owens, Tony Romo, Web Cam Strippers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Worst Football Stadium In the SEC

Posted by Joel on August 5, 2008

Well unfortunately I have been having issues with the internet the past week. It seems that a combination of a 1 year old attempting to do pull ups by hanging on the the wireless card sticking out of your USB drive is not a good combination. Anyhow, I am somewhat back until the good people at S****t decide to send a new card.

While I was out, I began thinking about the game day experience in the SEC. The league is unique, and since I have had the chance to go to each football stadium at least once, I should share each experience. With the blessing of Thomas the Magnificent Terrible, I have decided to do a 12 part series on each stadium, starting with the SEC West. These rankings are based on my experience at the stadiums, including tailgating, seating comfort, sight lines, student sections, home field advantage for the home team, and overall feeling. With that, I present the worst stadium in the SEC:

Vaught-Hemingway Stadium: Built originally in 1915, this stadium has gradually increased from 24,000 to 60,000, or the equivalent size of LSU’s practice facility. The stadium itself is, for lack of a better word, fugly. I mean, if you are sitting in the north end zone, this is what you are looking at from across the field.

Never mind that the field is AstroPlay or whatever instead of real grass, the stadium itself is horrible. The student section was full of hot chicks and stuffy looking dudes in Polo shirts and trust funds, Rebel flags were waving, McAllister’s Deli commercials were blazing on the JumboTron, and Jerrell Powe still can’t read. As for home field advantage, I saw Ole Miss get pasted by Georgia 35-15. Why Georgia allowed 15 is still a wonder.

The Grove in and itself is a mixed bag. On one hand, the sheer number of hot chicks is astounding. They all dress in their Sunday best and when you see them, you wonder how the state of Mississippi can produce such beauty. On the other hand, the surrounding woods which are naturally nice looking is surrounded by this:

Also, while everyone is dressed up for the formal ass kicking the Rebels without a Mascot is about to take, I just can’t get over the Dollar General bags that the paper plates come in. Hot chicks cannot save the overall horrible stadium and douchebag fans. So overall, the worst football stadium in the SEC, and definitely the worst in the SEC West. I miss Coach O…

Posted in College Football, NCAA, Ole Miss, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, ole miss rebels | Tagged: , , , | 14 Comments »

It all smoke and mirrors because Georgia cheats!

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on August 5, 2008

The Fulmer Cup is ours bitches! Keep your MFing paws off!

The Fulmer Cup is ours bitches! Keep your MF'ing paws off! RTR!

You dirty MF’ing Dawgs! I know that you know that I know that Little Bear Cub knows that you dirty Dawgs are nothing but cheaters! I should know I’m a Bama fan and Bama fans know cheating tactics (R.I.P. Logan Young) when they see it. Hell we invented it! rtr

Do you Dawg fans have a contract on my life? As Thomas the Terrible reported, when I heard about your practice sessions for next years Fulmer Cup I went on a Copenhagen & PBR bender. Now that I’m out of the hospital I see you’re actually trying to make a push to win that dang’um cup this year!

Georgia listen to me, you’ll never defeat Alabama (except on the football field.) To add insult to injury you’re holy of holiest coaches is trying to steal our cup by cheating!! You dirty Dawgs! rtr

Go ahead and suspend Darius Dingleberry Dewberry for overturning the beds of Bama fans trashcans and vandalizing a hospital. Truth is he wasn’t arrested so you get no Fulmer Cup points! Ha! RTR!

“Yeah, it’s embarrassing,” Richt said, “it’s sad. It’s certainly been a distraction. There is no way you can say it’s not a distraction because it has been.”

You should be embarrassed about how you are trying to win the Fulmer Cup by cheating.

I will give Richt credit for choosing the pattern of discipline that the Florida Gators School of Discipline proved useful:

  • Rule 1 – Always suspend your players during the first game (or two) of the year against patsies. No longer is suspension ever necessary.
  • Rule 2 – The Crowder rule. If a tough opponent appears during the first two games, enforce the discipline at a later game in the year against a weak sister team.
  • Rule 3 – The Thomas rule. Alternate suspension time around important games. Suspend the player. Bring him back. Suspend him again. Bring him back. Then dismiss him.

Go ahead and try to cheat in order to win. You’ve bitten off than you can chew Dawgs. Alabama perfected this method. The crimes of your players are frail and weak compared to Bammers crimes. You have pubic drunkenness we have cocaine dealer. (Remember to stop by the corner of Main & 4th that’s where I opened my Jimmy Johns franchise.) RTR

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to masturbate to old episodes of “Petticoat Junction.” RTR Bitches!

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Fulmer Cup, Georgia Bulldogs, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, cheaters, mark richt | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »