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Archive for August 8th, 2008

The Big Orange Roundtable Vol. V Roundup AKA Where in the World is the Power T?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 8, 2008

Folks it’s time for the roundup of this weeks questions. Since I’m the host I get to choose the two best answers from our esteemed Roundtable members.

Before we begin I have some sad news. We think the creative writers of the Power T have been kidnapped and are in a remote cesspool filled location like Tuscaloosa. So far their captors have not made a ransom demand but we have a team of crack heads crackerjack team of skilled Big Orange Special Forces operatives searching their whereabouts as I type. Let us all pray for their return and the crushing of Alabama.

Alrighty then: On to the roundup

1. One former VOL made the brave choice to testify against some Bammers and has to enter witness protection with a whole new identity, but that also gives him 4 more years of eligibility. Which VOL would you pick and why?

Our newest member, A View from the Hill said:

That said, I’m gonna go old-school (for me at least) with Jay Graham, because he broke the Bammers’ hearts two straight years, and I think he just scored on the Tide again. Proof…”

Sweet! I like him already

SESB said:

“Our host made an excellent choice with Al Haynesworth, and because defensive tackle would appear to be our thinnest position, I’m gonna take his partner in crime, John Henderson.”

2. Alabama has been given the death penalty and is forced to leave the SEC, at the same time South Carolina decides it can win a lot more in the Sunbelt conference and bolts the SEC. Two teams have to take their place who would you like to see

LWS had the most entertaining answer:

“It is so satisfying to see a a plan come together.  The plan that I am talking about is the letter writing campaign that I have advocated to expel this infected program into the void known as the Mountain West Conference.  I would think that Clemson would be a logical fit since their fans are not used to “moral” victories like Carolina fans.  They expect to win every week unlike SCAR who always finds a way to lose.  Georgia Tech would be awesome too.  Aren’t they like the original owners of UGA?”

And Fulmer’s Belly was equally as entertaining:

First, for Alabama, we want the New England Patriots.  Let’s replace one cheating team with another.  For South Carolina we’ll take Illinois.  Say what you will about Zook, but at least we could beat him.”

3. What will be the toughest road game to win and why?

Rocky Top Talk proclaims:

But then I remembered Auburn. Let’s just say I don’t have fond memories of the Tigers. Any team that can make Jason Allen look like a poor tackler is frightening. Plus, the game is the week after Florida. Lose at Florida, and it’ll be here we go again again . Win at Florida, and it’ll feel like we have it made. Neither scenario is good. Auburn’s talented and well-coached. They generally play us well, and following Florida isn’t a good thing, so I’m saying that’ll be the toughest away game this season.”

Moondog shouts:

Auburn. Coming off an emotional game against the Gators and having to visit the Plains the following week is going to be the most difficult game of the season for the Vols.

Even with a victory against Florida, its next to impossible to recapture that same level of emotion. Not to mention, if the Vols enter the game undefeated, Auburn is going to have extra incentive to hand the Vols their first loss.

4.Could have the great Coach Fulmer handled himself better at the SEC media event when he was asked about the subpoena instead of asking what subpoena?

Gate 21 had the most logical answer but he’s an attorney. I play an attorney on this blog only.

“No.  As a lawyer, the worst thing you can have a client do is publicly acknowledge they were served when either: 1) they weren’t served or 2) you want to be able to challenge service despite the fact that the papers ended-up in their hands.”

3rd Saturday in Blogtober had the best answer though

Absolutely and without question. Listen, Fulmer is our coach, and I’m going to support him, but it does no good lying to the media. If you lie to the media, you lie to your own fans because the media is the buffer between the players/coaches and the general public.

All Fulmer had to do when questioned in Birmingham that day was say something like,

“I did receive something that I was informed was a subpoena, but obviously I refuse to talk about that at this time. My lawyers and I will evaluate the situation and work like heck to get it resolved before the season starts. This week is meant for this great conference, 12 prestigious institutions and the student athletes who represent these institutions, and I am not about to let a couple of hoodwinks and swindlers sabotage what this day means to us nationally. I am not interested in the SEC being a laughingstock just because some of the ignorant residents of one state are.”

Now, that would have given the media something to sink its teeth into. It also would have taken some of the focus off of what essentially was a non-situation. Instead, it escalated when it didn’t need to and threatens to rear its ugly head at some point during the season – likely before the Vols head to Auburn.

Listen, I hate, hate, HATE this situation for Fulmer because it’s long dead and in the past. But lying doesn’t do anybody any good, and in this day of modern media and so many different variations of media, you’re not going to get away with it … especially not at a circus like the SEC Media Days in Birmingham. It just could have – and should have – been handled better all the way around. Instead, it turned into a PR fiasco, and led to Fulmer’s statement, which really meant this.

Well this concludes my rein of terror as king for a week. Next week we will have hopefully would have rescued our comrades from the clutches of dirty Bammers. Next week is Moondog Sports turn to host and be king for a week.

Remember:

A good Alabama team is a beaten Alabama team.

You can checkout everyone’s answers by clicking the links below.

Posted in Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Big Orange, Go Vols, SEC, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Cage fighting bammer gets jail time. Alternative title: Lou Holtz is a retard

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 8, 2008

Joey Barrett Jr. as thrust himself into the finalist of Alabama fan of year. Here is the distasteful tale of a Bammer, Auburn fans and a retard named Louie Holtz. (Story)

I always knew Lou Holtz was retarded.

Joey Barrett is a tough Bammer SOB why he’s even a cage fighter that comes from a cage fighting family. In 2005 Barrett challenged two Auburn students by yelling “Roll Tide” in front of the Phi Kappa Tau fraternity house on the eve of the Iron Bowl.

Now that’s tough! Of course Barrett also had a knife (Cheater!! But he’s a Bammer what would you expect?) and stabbed one of the fraternity brothers who had to be rushed to the hospital with a collapsed lung.

The police levied a litany of assault charges against him causing his father, Daddy Barrett who is also known as King of Abba Shrine Center cage fighters, to whine that his offspring was being “railroaded”.

During the first trial in 2006 Barrett’s defense attorneys told the jury that man named Louie Holtz was the one that stabbed the Auburn student and not his angelic cage fighting client.

Here’s the kicker. Louie Holtz is mentally retarded so the judge ordered that he be represented by council. Holtz’s attorneys advised him not to testify. Since the jury had already heard Barrett’s sleazy lawyers state during the trial that Holtz was the stabber the judge had to declare a mistrial.

Now how would a retarded man get involved in such a thing? Well the prosecution decided to investigate and found out that Barrett bribed Holtz with a car (probably something sporty that a bammer would love like a 87 Berretta) to take the blame for his misgivings.

Once, Billy Bob Bammer paid a homeless man named Petey Carroll three bottles of rubbing alcohol to confess to the murder of a prostitute.

Oh Barrett knew how to cheat. He might even have a job with the university when he’s released from jail.

Feeling the heat Barrett copped a plea and was sentenced to 18 months in jail and five years probation for first-degree assault, as well as one year, to run concurrently with the first penalty, for bribing a retard.

Daddy Barrett AKA King of Abba Shrine Center cage fighters could not be reached for comment after the trial which is typical. After all the whining he did. Rumor has it that he is training for his next match. I pity his opponent.

Meanwhile Barrett Jr. will be in the Mobile County Metro Jail serving his time and hopefully being raped by a large Auburn fan.

Alabama: Paying retards to take credit for the work done by others both on and off the field.

Stay classy Bammers!!!

Barrett's defense attorneys notice the nancy-boy in the skirt

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, Crime & Punishment, Roll Tide, cheaters | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Davis Wade Stadium: Croomed

Posted by Joel on August 8, 2008

Honestly, this was close to the bottom of the football stadiums in the SEC. In any given day, one could call this THE worst stadium in the SEC. But in the SEC West, Davis Wade Stadium is better in my opinion than Vaught Hemingway Stadium. I will get to that in a minute.

I had the pleasure of watching the Bulldogs play during the Jackie Sherrill era. Though I am sure Andrew Zimmern of Bizarre Foods would have loved to see Coach Sherrill castrate a steer so he could have a great tailgate meal, the fans were great and raucous. But not even a fifth of Jack Daniel’s with a 6 pack Budweiser chaser could drown out the damn cowbells out of my head.

The city of Starkville is a quiet college town. It is nice, and I really hate to talk trash about such a nice place. With that being said, the people of Starkville can proudly say “Hey, at least we ain’t Tuscaloosa”.

Davis Wade Stadium is like the employee at work that you have and he or she are just there. They do nothing to stand out and shine among their fellow employees, but they keep their head above water long enough so you can’t fire them. Plus, they are good every once in a while for a good laugh and to have a body around. When it comes time to give that employee an annual review, you give the an average score because that is what they are.

The one thing that I can’t stand in stadiums is the lack of a connection. There are ramps that connect all sides and that is it. There is not a continuous bowl. I am not a fan of this type of seating. But I don’t have to look at half of a sailboat when I look into the far endzone like Vaught Hemingway Stadium. But when a 3 story banner is the highlight of your place, it’s not good.

The one reason that I give Davis Wade a higher slot than Ole Miss is the fans. From the student section, to the band, to the old geezers just counting down until the post game food run to Ryan’s, the fans there were passionate about the Bulldogs. Definitely something I can appreciate. Plus, there is not the pretentious nature and arrogance of “The Grove”.

The school is in the process of upgrading the facilities, complete with a new scoreboard and JumboTron. Until then, this “little stadium that could” will continue to be the place where ranked teams go to get CROOMED!!!

Posted in College Football, Croom, NCAA, SEC, SEC Football, Sports, mississippi state bulldogs | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »