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Archive for August 28th, 2008

The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way Volume One: Spurrier Disciplinarian Aficionado

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 28, 2008

The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way is new section in which we try to delve into the mind of Steve God Spurrier to see what he is thinking, how to handle certain situations and the cause & effect of dumb ass mistakes.

On 8/25/08 God Spurrier shocked the Gamecock faithful by announcing that Taylor Rank will get the starting nod over senior Mike Davis at tailback in USC’s season-opener against North Carolina State.

Spurrier stated his reasoning for starting Rank over Davis was:

“Taylor’s had a little bit better preseason practice,” Spurrier said following Monday afternoon’s practice. “He had a good summer going to workouts and Mike did too. Mike will be in early though.”

The Head Ball (Sac) Coach went on to say that Rank is “ready to play, he’s performed well, taken care of the ball, knows what to do. He’s a good solid back, but Mike will be in there pretty early.”

Still this left many of the Gamecock perplexed and soon there was panic in the streets as the Rogue Cop of West Columbia and his SWAT team had to turn the water hose on Gamecock fans. Coupled with military grade tear gas and Milkor MGL-140 grenade launchers thankfully quelled that riot.

Milkor MGL-140 grenade launcher, with longer cylinder and Picatinny type accessory rails

Milkor MGL-140 grenade launcher, with longer cylinder and Picatinny type accessory rails

Well thankfully to some crack digging and good sources we now know the reason why Spurrier chose Rank over Davis.

Sunday was a scorcher here and I’m sure Davis was hot from after doing whatever Gamecock football players do when they don’t have practice. (Think in the lines of committing felonies.)

Davis was dazed, confused and extremely thirsty. He shouts out “Anyone got 2 dollars so I can get me a Gatorade?” All he heard was silence…silence!!!

Davis decided to do what any self-respecting Gamecock would do and break into a fridge that was in the team’s weight room and steal get him some damn Gatorade! Go Cocks!!!

Davis using his manly man yet parched force, showed that refrigerator who the boss was! After the damage was discovered God Spurrier quickly thought of ways to punish the culprit. Surely when the star QB to be can key a professor’s car and rack up three arrests in a 15 month period and not get booted off the team then how could he justify booting this perp off?

Spurrier asked his team of malevolent angels who the hell did this…but all were silent just like the responses to Davis’s cries for 2 dollars were silent the day before.

You can see Davis in this picture he has that confused and dazed look about him

Spurrier is crafty though and he decided to check the camera footage and low and behold there was Mike Davis assaulting and possible molesting that poor innocent refrigerator door.

Quickly the ball coach had to think. So instead of following university protocol by reporting this act of vandalism to the USC Campus Po Po, he has another idea instead.

He will make Davis pay for the damages through money Davis may or may not (wink wink nudge nudge) receive from the Blake Mitchell Fan Club. To top it all off Davis will not get to start against NC State.

Meaning he will most likely sit out the first offensive play of the game, after all God Spurrier stressed yesterday that Davis “should be in the game pretty early (Thursday) night.”

That my friends is truly being a Disciplinarian Aficionado. Go Cocks!!

On the next OB(Sac)C Garnet Way learn why God Spurrier considers John Daly a “very close & special” friend.

The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way has been brought to you by Sho’nuff Bail Bonds the official bail bonding company of Gamecocks everywhere.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Discipline, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Snitches, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

I’m a wanted man!! I ain’t skeered

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on August 28, 2008

 

Clemson fans are in awe of us. RTR!

Clemson fans are in awe of us. RTR!

Well folks it seems the Rogue Cop of West Columbia is hunting me down what he doesn’t understand is unlike our football players I’m too smart for the cops!

This pillar of justice claims to have seen me trying to steal an ATM gather funds legally for the Logan Young Memorial fund and commit a blatant act of vandalism beautify the place with RTR’s & I pray to the Behr.

What the Rogue Cop doesn’t realize is Bama Boosters like me own the police except for the 11 of them that arrested our boys of course. But they were underpaid rookies so they’ll learn. I know some of you reading are thinking that’s police corruption. One mans police corruption is another mans way to supplement his income. RTR!

I dare the Rogue cop to come to T-Town. I is a master of disguise & I’ll send one of my girls to entice him. Maybe Bertha (photo seen below) she’ll know how to throw him of the scent. RTR!

Yall dont be wacking off to her too much you might do bald. Ever notice how Saban has thinning hair?

Yall don't be whacking off to her too much you might do bald. Ever notice how Saban has thinning hair?

Of course the Rogue cop is a Clemson which is the real reason he wants to put me in the slammer, because with out me in the nose bleed section in seats that I had to sell my blood for Bama wouldn’t win!

All I gotta do is say the Behr’s prayer to keep me safe:

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the 12 championships the NCAA will allow Bama to keep

If I die or get arrested before I wake

I pray the Behr and Logon Young will receive my soul & my Bama bangs to take. RTR!

Besides the Rogue cop will have his hands full with USC football players before to long.

RTR Bitches!

Clemsons new uniforms

West Columbia police trainee uniform

Posted in ACC Football, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bammers, Clemson Tigers, SEC, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »