Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for September, 2008

Howdy Doody Has A Doozy Deal

Posted by Joel on September 24, 2008

For the 2 regular readers of this blog (and the thousands of trolls), you may or may not know that West By God Virginia holds a special place in our hearts and minds. By no stretch are we Mountaineer fans. Our beloved orange warriors win championships (although none in football thanks to that fat, stubborn…sorry, wrong subject). All one has to do is type West Virginia in the search box to see plenty of Mountaineer fodder.

So whenever this fine institute of higher learning makes the news, we take special notice. I mean, why wouldn’t we??? The writers at The Young & The Restless couldn’t write more drama in the past year. Just Rich Rodriguez alone would be Victor Newman, and Michigan would be the new young and beautiful chick that stolls into Genoa City that he would bang instantly.

In Coach Bill Stewart’s contract, the signed deal includes 1 extra year that wasn’t on the original offer sheet. Also, if he is fired before January 3, 2009, the school must pay him $4.125 million. Former embattled school president Mike Garrison can’t be blamed for this one though, because he was gone by the time the contract was finalized and signed, which was on Sept. 10. The big deal was that a flat $1 million buyout clause was negotiated and agreed upon in the original offer sheet. In other words, now West Virginia can’t fire this guy until Jan. 4. By then, the Mountaineers could easily be 6-6. There is hope though, 6-6 could be good enough to win the Big East.

West Virginia is it’s own worst enemy. Shame too. The school could be great. Wait, let me re-phrase that. The school could be better than mediocre. Whenever the administration and athletics department decide to join 2008 and get out of 1972, please let me know. For all I know, they could still be playing John Denver in Mountaineer Field on an 8 track. Mountain momma, take me home…

Posted in BCS, Big East, College Football, Couch Burning, Crack, NCAA, WVU, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, bongs, boo birds, boosters, whiners, white trash | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Sometimes when Cubs fans fight each other there is a loser

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 24, 2008

The end is near because the Cubs are inching ever so close to a World Series title after 100 years of being pathetic but lovable losers. Which of course means the ever so arrogant Cubs fans will become even more arrogant but they will fail to reach the arrogance of Yankee fans.

I’ll admit I can’t stand the Cubs so when I see their own fans fight amongst themselves like in the video below I laugh and laugh hardily at that.

Sometimes there is a loser when Cub fans fight and that loser is society in general. A fight among Cubs fans jawing inside a tavern about their team’s division-clinching game sparked the death of a 41-year-old man over the weekend.

That’s sad and I’m being sarcastic either.

Robert Ulmer, a Cubs fan was killed early Sunday outside some dive called the Apartment Lounge according to the police.

A relative of Ulmer’s got into a fight inside the bar with two Cubs fans who had attended the team’s 5-4 division clincher against the St. Louis Cardinals.

Ulmer, also a Cubs fan, according to what his family told police, was at the bar but not at the game.

The exact details of what happened inside the tavern still are not clear. But the fight eventually spilled onto the street, where Ulmer was beaten by two men who used their fists and feet. Police were investigating whether Ulmer was kicked in the head.

Two people were being interviewed about the attack against Ulmer but so far charges were not filed as of yesterday.

So you see folks. There are indeed losers when Cubs fans fight with other Cubs fans. It’s a game people and that’s all it will ever be. I’m still not sure why anyone would want to fight with the fans of the very team you support. Someone please help me with that.

Posted in Chicago Cubs, Fights, MLB, Major League Baseball | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

After 43 years in the booth the legendary Larry Munson retires

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 23, 2008

The lead voice of the Georgia radio network, Larry Munson, announced Monday that he has retired, effective immediately.

“I can’t express enough my deep feelings toward the Georgia football fans,” Munson said in a statement released by Georgia. “They have been so friendly especially during this most recent period of time. I feel I owe them so much more than I can give. I’ll remember all the great times with the Dogs and have the fondest wishes and good luck toward them all.”

One has to think this shocking news is due to declining health. Munson underwent surgery to remove blood clots from his brain this past April. Georgia officials announced that Scott Howard and Eric Zeier will work the remaining home and road games.

“Not having him in the booth is something that every Georgia fan is going to miss,” said Zeier, a former Georgia quarterback. “He’s an iconic figure at the university. It was an honor for me to have played in games he called, and to have worked with him the last couple of years was quite a thrill. He might not be there in the booth, but he’ll be in mind and spirit with every Georgia fan.”

“It caught me by great surprise,” Loran Smith, Munson’s longtime sideline reporter and host of Georgia’s pregame show, said of the announcement.

“I had thought that his voice for the first couple of games was a little weaker than usual,” Smith said.

“He sounded stronger than ever,” Smith said. “I just thought he was getting stronger and would be his old self.”

Georgia coach Mark Richt called Munson “one of the legendary college football broadcasters of all time.”

“What do you say when a legend steps down?” Richt asked. “I’m grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to be associated with him.

“I hope he enjoys his full retirement and wish him the very best in all the things he decides to do.”

Not only does the SEC have the best football in the country, we have been blessed over the decades with some of the best announcers to ever address a microphone. Larry Munson certainly was one. He will be missed.

Munson was the last of a breed of legendary SEC announcers.

“We hand it off to Herschel, there’s a hole…FIVE, TEN, TWELVE, HE’S RUNNING ALL OVER PEOPLE…OH, YOU HERSCHEL WALKER!” “I came right through a chair, a metal steel chair with about a five inch cushion – the booth came apart…you know they call this the world’s largest cocktail party…do you know what’s going to happen at St Simon’s and Jekyll Island and all those places, where all these DAWG people have got these condominums for four days? MAN IS THERE GOING TO BE SOME PROPERTY DESTROYED TONIGHT! 26 to 21 DAWGS ON TOP! WE WERE GONE! I GAVE UP YOU DID TOO! WE WERE OUT OF IT AND GONE! MIRACLE!”

And just for the Bama fans this week – “Carswell intercepted on the 33! Carswell fell down on the 40! Carswell intercepted! CARSWELL SAVED OUR FANNY AND THE DAWGS WILL HAVE THE BALL ON THE 40!”

The phrase “We just stepped on their face with a hobnailed boot” will always echo in my head and for that I truly thank you.

Posted in Dawgs, Georgia Bulldogs, Hobnail Boot, Larry Munson, SEC, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Big Orange Roundtable Volume XII Post Florida Fire Fulmer Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 23, 2008

Well it’s that time again, the Big Orange Roundtable time. This week majority of the Vol nation is calling for Fulmer’s head. They are nothing but bandwagon jumpers; I was calling for his head last year. :)

The week’s roundtable is being hosted by Curveballs for Jesus, what a week to be the host. This is his first time hosting so he officially moved past rookie status. Judging by these questions this week he may have propelled himself into all-star status.

Let’s go to the roundtable!

1.The Vols made some costly on-field mistakes that would have kept them in the hunt, and while they might not have resulted in a win, they at least cost us a chance to win the game.  The two biggest mistakes, of course, were the fumble and interception by Crompton in the red zone.  Vent your anger and frustration here:

I’m not angry. I knew this is how the game would turn out. I am frustrated though. I’m frustrated that Fulmer still clings to hope in the Mountain (False) Messiah. Asked on his teleconference Sunday if Tennessee would consider looking at another quarterback besides starter Jonathan Crompton, Fulmer said, “Jon’s our quarterback.”

Crompton ranks 13th in the SEC in passing efficiency and 89th in the nation with a rating of 104.24. Only Mississippi State’s Wesley Carroll rates lower among SEC quarterbacks who average at least 10 attempts a game.

In laymen terms: that sucks. One would think with such numbers Crompton wouldn’t be so damned cocky, I mean that’s logical. Isn’t it? Logic at this point escapes this coaching staff and the Mountain (False) Messiah. Crompton was quoted as saying:

“We play for our football family, that’s each other. We know what we’re capable of as an offense. I know what our defense is capable of. That’s who we care about the most.”

When I read that I think wow the players are arrogant, self-centered and out of touch with their fan base… just like their coaches. Well… I’m glad to see that our highly paid coaching staff was able to teach them something.

Crompton is like a defective tampon, does not function for the entire period and has no second string. (In Fulmer’s eyes)

Do these guys think they’re playing a pick-up game in an open field somewhere? They represent something much bigger than themselves and there were empty seats last Saturday. That says everything that needs to be said about the state of things on Rocky Top.

2. Speaking of special teams, Brandon James ended up punishing the Vols for fifty-two yards on a kick return and for ninety-two yards and a touchdown on his two punt returns.  What are your thoughts on the decision to kick to James?

I don’t think it was the decision that was made by the coaches. Our punter, Chad Cunningham, sucks.

The Vols rank 118th out of 119 Division I Bowl Subdivision teams in net punting for the second week in a row. Of course the kicking has been on the decline for awhile now, but we don’t need a special teams coach, do we? No of course not!

Cunningham is an arrogant punk in my humble opinion look at the quote from GVX:

“You want it as far as possible over to the sideline as you can get it,” Cunningham said. “I could have definitely done a lot better punt than I gave our coverage team.

“I take blame for that. But I’m sure we probably missed a couple of tackles.”

I think Cunningham needs to shut his pie-hole.

I’m not surprised that Fulmer has stated that the walk-on punters would get an extended look in practice this week. I also wonder if it is because of the punting woes or due to the fact that Cunningham’s comments seem to throw the coverage unit under the bus. You either take responsibility or you don’t. End of story.

3. The boo birds were back on Saturday, and there was plenty to boo about.  There were quite a few throughout the game, but the loudest came when the team was booed when Tebow took the Gators into the Victory Formation.  What are your thoughts on fans booing our coaches/players on our home field?

I thought it to be disgraceful and embarrassing.

The booing is sickening. Some of the play was sickening, but there are ways to address that, and ultimately fire the AD and Fulmer which I feel is necessary. We didn’t boo the sorry play before, during, and after the when Majors was rebuilding team. I know things change, but football hasn’t actually changed that much since the forward pass.

I can understand frustration but booing a non-paid athlete is just plain wrong. I know some people were booing the coaching performance however the players on the field have no way of knowing that.

“That’s part of it,” UT coach Phillip Fulmer said. “There’s probably not anybody very happy with me right now. There’s probably not very many happy with the quarterback right now.”

At least the coach can recognize that he isn’t exactly liked right now but that doesn’t excuse booing your own players.

Think about it like this: Have we as a fan base sunken to level of South Carolina fans already?

4. In addition to the boo birds, there is another thing that is very aggravating to me about some Vols’ fans and really sports fans in general.  There were people leaving the stadium so fast that you would have thought real live gators had been let loose into the stands.  Explain why you are or are not a leaver?

I’m not a leaver. I’m there to support the University of Tennessee for better or for worse. Sunday when I went to grocery store I still wore a Tennessee t-shirt with out thinking about it. Why? Because that’s what fans do. GO VOLS!

5. I am going to call this question the “Quarterbacks and Coaches” question.  All I want to know is, where the heck do we go now with our current quarterbacks and coaches?

QB’s: Give Nick “The rifleman” Stephens a shot.

Coaches: Announce up front right now that Fulmer will NOT be retained for next years season and immediately start a search. By being up front and honest maybe the AD can work with Fulmer about being in an advisory role during the search, that way we can still hang on to some of the commented recruits. Yes I know Tennessee could win out this year but even if they do I feel he needs to go because it’s obvious the game has passed him by.

We need to fire Clawson now. He’s bust and he is really starting to make me miss Sanders.

I can’t complain about the defense so maybe, for now at least, keep Chavis where he is. All the other coaches can go after the season.

6.  In closing, how do you see this weekend’s game against Auburn unfolding?

Remember the movie Deliverance? About like that.

Be sure to stop by all other Roundtable member sites to review their answers.

Posted in Florida Gators, Go Vols, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable, boo birds, cromptonites, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

The Florida/Tennessee gradebook

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 22, 2008

I received a number of e-mails over the past week asking me to post on what I thought would be the outcome of this game. The reason I didn’t is simply because I knew what the outcome was going to be and I hate to spoil it for some. I could have written these grades sometime on Tuesday and I wouldn’t need to change a thing. A diamond is forever and so is Fulmer’s coaching style. Let’s go to the grades.

Quarterback F

Crompton still looks pathetic and is making to many simple mistakes to remain the leader of this team. His turnovers were costly; a fumble at the 2 and an interception from the 1 just before half only solidifies this fact.

Running Backs D

Fumbling Foster’s personal foul was a drive killer and then Foster transferred his fumbling aura to Hardesty on the very next play.

Receivers C-

No separation and of course Stocker makes a drop in the end zone.

Offensive Line D

Mistakes and penalties continue to plague this group. They never could open holes to get the running game going like they should have. When a running back managed to rip off a good run the yardage was negated by penalties.

Defensive Line C

They matched well against Florida and held Teabag Tebow to un-Heisman like numbers. However the running backs for Florida thrived.

Linebackers B-

Rico McCoy had ten tackles. Wilson had six and they also helped keep Tebow at bay.

Secondary A+

Man to man coverage kept Tebow from throwing over 100 yards. Terrific open field tackling. Eric Berry is the star of the entire team.

Special Teams F-

A punt return for a TD is inexcusable. Florida generally started on their own 40 throughout the game. Pathetic

Coaching F

Clawson is a bust. The red zone execution was sorry and crappy clock management. The decision to allow Crompton to remain QB for this team is baffling. The screen cap in this post tells the story. One bright spot was the players showed no signs of quitting. However I have to believe that was due to comments that were made by Florida players and not the coaching staff.

Overall F

Fire Fulmer.

Posted in Florida Gators, Go Vols, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Resume Watch: After Hurricane Ike Edition

Posted by Joel on September 22, 2008

On a serious note, those less fortunate along the Texas coast can use whatever help you can give. You can donate money to the Red Cross by clicking here. Large amounts of products, such as diapers, toothbrushes, water, etc. can be made by clicking here.

Anyway, it is time for the following coach to update his resume. No, not a certain coach in Knoxville. I am sure plenty of fellow Vols are busy writing his resume for him. I am talking about mi amigo, and possibly the absolute worst hire at a major D-1A program this side of Coach O…

MY good buddy, Bill Stewart. The man who is supposed the lead the Mountaineers to the promise land. The guy who was supposed to lead the Mountaineer program to a national title. The genius that would turn Pat White into the pocket passer that Rodriguez couldn’t develop. The master of all things West By God Virginia.

Hey Thomas, remember all of those many comments from the Mountaineer faithful that came to the site the days leading to the Fiesta Bowl, and when Team Turmoil beat Oklahoma??? Where the hell are they now??? I said back then that the school decided to go with the one night stand instead of the sure thing. And now they sit 1-2. Looking at the remainder of the schedule, I see losses to Auburn and South Florida. I can see a possible upset to Louisville and UConn (man I can’t believe I said that). Howdy Doody.

So, Coach Bill Stewart, you are a nice guy. You are in over your head, but a nice guy. Unfortunately, all of those lonely couches in Morgantown are missing the warm embrace of kerosene and matches. They cannot burn themselves, and with you at the helm, I am afraid that instead of the fall smell that normally encompasses the air in West Virginia won’t be the sweet mix of cotton/polyester blends and pressboard. Instead, it will be the usual scent of coal, sulphur, meth, and depression. And there is no one else to blame but the meddling governor, the outgoing school president, and the inept AD. Country roads…

Posted in Big East, Bill Stewart, Coach Rich Rodriguez, College Football, Couch Burning, NCAA, Sports, WVU, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, boo birds, boosters, coach o, whiners | 1 Comment »

College Football Week 4 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 21, 2008

So far this season is not like last season but so far so good nonetheless.

Tennessee sucks! Wait I already knew that…expect some more on this subject as the week progresses.

Georgia adds to the PAC 10 non conference woes by beating Arizona State with ease and Oregon did not help matters much by losing to Boise State. Basically everyone in the PAC 10 is playing for second place behind SoCal. Anyone see the awesome dive Moreno did to score the first TD? However he should have received a flag for celebration.

To see it live was awesome.

Missouri failed to impress against Buffalo.

Texas and Texas Tech. both flex some Big 12 muscle yesterday by trouncing their opponents.

And The Tide of Alabama continues to roll however credit 14 points of the 49 they scored to great defense.

South Florida fails to impress.

Not so fast Auburn fans and haters…they do have an offense after all but they lost nevertheless. Les “Big Hat Little Penis” Miles might be at least the 2nd best coach in the SEC. This was easily the best game of the week.

South Carolina gets by 1-AA Wofford…Spurrier can’t be happy right now.

Ohio State is the most over ranked in the top 25, Penn State is the team to beat in the Big Eleven Ten.

BYU is easily this years BCS buster…but let’s not forget about Utah.

East Carolina…fails…but Skip Holtz is still a hot commodity.

Florida State’s offense is simply lost and Wake Forest is the team to bear in the ACC.

Butch Davis better go back to the drawing board because North Carolina isn’t there yet.

Georgia Tech wrecked Miss State and Sly Croom.

Hell has frozen over because right now Vandy is sitting atop the SEC East.

Kansas let’s not forget about them.

Clemson got some frustration out by beating up on SC State.

Fresno State…is still ranked for a reason.

Hey Notre Dame still sucks imagine that.

Pittsburgh pick up your Big East flag & wave it proudly…just like last year Iowa sucks.

Look at Maryland 3-1 and might be ranked come later today.

Boston College could also be ranked as well.

Syracuse actually wins a game, of course it was against a 1-AA opponent but a win is a win.

Cincinnati is still looking like the team to beat in the Big East.

Miami will be scary good by the end of the year.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona State Sundevils, BCS, Bama Cheats, Big East, Big Twelve Football, Charlie Weis, East Carolina Pirates, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fresno State, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Iowa Hawkeyes, Les Miles, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Missouri Tigers, NC State Wolfpack, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oregon Ducks, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Pitt Panthers, SEC Football, SoCal, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, The Big East, Uga, University of Southern Cal, Vanderbilt Commodores, Virginia Tech, big ten football, fulmer sucks, kansas jayhawks, mississippi state bulldogs, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Rounding up the roundtable for the Big Orange Roundtable Volume XI Florida week

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 20, 2008

I asked one simple question for this week:

How would you grade the VOLS performance this past weekend?

The game in reference was the UAB game for those not keeping score. I really wish I didn’t ask this question. Because rounding up the responses are impossible. So I’m going to improvise a little.

For my answers you can click here.

The 3rd Saturday in Blogtober gave the grades of:

F, A+, C-, C+, D, B+, B+, D, F & C-

Now go to their site to see what grades to what. Think of it as a puzzle much like the Vols offense this year.

Curveballs For Jesus gave the grades of:

D-, A+, C-, C, C+, C, A, D & C

Same rules apply…its puzzleific!

The Southeastern Sports Blog gave the grade of:

C-, A, B-, C-, C, C, B-, C, C- & C+

You should know what to do by now.

Joel at Rocky Top Talk took a different method to grade:

  • At top of the curve
  • In the middle of the curve
  • At the bottom of the curve

Don’t be puzzled just go and read.

I would like to thank the members who answered this week’s question. Now I’m passing the “King of the week” torch over to Curveballs For Jesus AKA the Rookie…depending on the outcome later today…it could be volatile.

GO VOLS!

Posted in Go Vols, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable | 2 Comments »

Well it didn’t take long for the Bill Stewart era to come crashing down

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 19, 2008

It's OK to start missing him now

While most West Virginia fans will not admit it, they are presently missing one man known as Mexico’s finest son. That man is Rich Rodriguez, or as I like to call him Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez.

I have nothing against Bill Stewart; in fact I think he’s one hell of a nice guy. Maybe that’s the problem. He beat Oklahoma using Rodriguez’s aggressive playbook. Now he has tamed it down some and even at one point in this very young season attempted to make Pat White into a passing QB.

I can’t say what is wrong with West Virginia Football at this point. However I think the attitude of the program relied heavily on the former coach.

Judging from the posters at the West Virginia Scout message board Stewart is destined to fail. And let’s not forget he just signed a new six year deal as well. Country Roads motherfuckers…

Posted in Big East, Bill Stewart, Coach Rich Rodriguez, Colorado Buffalos, WVU, West Virginia Mountaineers | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Syracuse’s “Desperate for glory” statue is a failure…much like the football program

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 18, 2008

Much like Notre Dame’s Coach Charlie Weis, the football program at Syracuse is badly broken. Last week I told you about Notre Dame’s desperation to relive their glory days and the unveiling of the new Lispy Lou Holtz statue. Apparently over the past weekend Syracuse unveiled a statue of Ernie Davis,

Ernie Davis starred at Syracuse in the early 1960′s and was the first black person to win the Heisman Trophy. In addition to winning the Heisman, he was the overall number one pick in the 1962 NFL Draft. Unfortunately Davis died tragically of leukemia in 1963.

Honestly this is a deserving statue unlike the one of Lou Holtz but that’s just my opinion…of course my opinion is the only one that counts around here. Suck it Holtz fans.

There is just one slight problem with the Davis statue. The statue features Davis wearing Nike cleats. Nike wasn’t even a company until 1971. I hope they don’t have McNabb’s statue blowing chunks of Campbell’s Chunky Soup, which, as well all know, he didn’t consume until well after his graduation in 1999.

No, it wasn’t a marketing deal, Syracuse athletic director Daryl Gross said. The sculptor simply made a mistake.

“Easy fix,” Gross said in an e-mail to the Sporting News. “The sculptor is on it and will make it perfect.”

I hope he does make it perfect and maybe you should point out that the helmet is incorrect, it should only have one bar and more likely that not there’s a Nike logo on the jersey as well. I wonder if anyone has caught that yet.

Another sad note in this story is that this is the second attempt at a Davis statue on the Syracuse campus. Last year, before the opening game against Washington, a partially completed piece was unveiled to the crowd. Not pleased, Gross and the university later pursued a new project.

This just gives me another reason to point and laugh at Syracuse and the rest of the Big Least teams. I’m willing to bet that Nike is also glad the error was caught and is being fixed because they do not want to be associated with Syracuse football and who could blame them.

Good thing the statue wasn’t on Alabama’s campus, Billy Bob Bammer would have stolen those Nikes.

Let’s all wish Syracuse best of luck the rest of the season after all they couldn’t even get the statue right, for the second time.

Posted in Big East, Nike, Syracuse Orangemen, dumbass | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »