Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for October 1st, 2008

I’m not done with Wednesday’s update yet quite yet….

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 1, 2008

This has been an extremely busy week for stories involving NFL players that aren’t necessarily related to the heroism players show each and every Sunday. In fact most of them are very un-hero like. There’s so many that I don’t possibly have the time to write about them all.

So instead of writing boring stories with humorous & snarky quips, I’m just going to write a few lines and link them. After all that’s better nothing right? Yeah…that’s what I thought.

As we know former Tennessee God and Denver running back Travis “I gots 9 Mf’ing 9 kids” Henry’s baby mommas gots to get paid! Now since he is technically unemployed he decided to the next best thing and that is set up a drug deal involving cocaine.

Problem is he was busted. His new teammates Malice and Pusha T are disapointed and are dropping him from the Re Up Gang. Hey Henry remember don’t get Mile High on your own supply.

Terrell Owens still ♥’s his QB but hates “Sheshawn” Johnson.

“Then, Owens turned his attention to Johnson, who he referred to as “Sheshawn” on three separate occasions, the Star-Telegram reported.

(As the No. 1 overall pick in the 1996 draft) he is the ultimate underachiever on that (ESPN) panel. I am the reason he is in the booth,” Owens said. “Everybody is aware when I was brought to Dallas, he was the one they let go to get me here.”

And Sheshawn’s in the booth to replace Michael Irvin. ‘Cause Michael’s a crack head.

When Terrell ever gets fed up with Romo, ooh, what a nickname he has in store. Here’s a hint:

Remember when Steve Smith whipped Ken Lucas’s ass? Well now they are BFF’s forever!

“Smith scored his first touchdown of the season on a 54-yard pass from Jake Delhomme late in the second quarter, then presented the ball to Lucas on the sideline.”

Apparently Plaxico Burress has some issues with being tardy and is paying the price with fines. Sarah Palin’s daughter had that ‘late’ problem too, but mom wouldn’t let her throw money at her problem to take care of it. (Oh no I didn’t)

Eli Manning should hook Plaxico up with one of his Citizen watches.

Some people took the Georgia loss real hard over the weekend. Danny Ware a former Georgia player and current New York Giants running back took it extremely hard by getting drunk and arrested.

Ware and a 24-year-old Dallas woman attracted a police officer’s attention at about 2:25 a.m. Sunday at East Clayton Street near North Jackson Street because they seemed oblivious to traffic that had to steer around them as they stood in the street talking, according to police.

Ware admitted that he’d been drinking, and a breath test showed he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.152 grams, police said.

Lovely he wasn’t even driving he was just trying to get a hook up for later. I wonder if he feels worse about Georgia losing or the fact he’s a drunken pedestrian that was busted while wearing temporary Bulldog tattoos stuck to his face (“cheek flair”) which adds another level of humiliation.

This one is a little old however I meant to write about it. Apparently even though Pacman Jones broke the law several times, players on the Titians still respected him more than they respect Vince Young…you know the “leader” of the team.

“Vince definitely is going to have to win the locker room back. As bad as Pacman was when he left the building or at 3 o’clock in the morning, it never interfered with his football. He loved football. Loved practice. The guys loved him. Players are going to be on your side if you show that you’re going to help them win. Vince has to prove that to this team.”

Further proof that football players care mostly about whether their teammates are helping them win, something Young was not doing.

Not only does he have to worry if Terrell Owens will finally blow his lid but Jerry Jones must pay $25,000 to NFL for flapping his mouth about Ed Hochuli. Terrell Owens just laughs and laughs.

I’ll show love to baseball as well.

Even though he no longer coaches the Dodgers some people in San Francisco harbor ill feelings towards Tommy Lasorda by getting all pissy because he’s the grand marshal in the Italian American parade.

Supervisor Michela Alioto-Pier wants organizers of the San Francisco Italian American parade to boot Tommy Lasorda as grand marshal … He’s the former manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, who’ve had “an intense rivalry” with our hometown Giants for years and “nobody embodies that more than Tommy Lasorda,” states the resolution … The Giants aren’t doing so great, it continues, and “Dodger fans are boastful and smug.”

For someone in San Francisco to call another person smug is rather hypocritical. Of course maybe they would prefer Joe Torre instead.

Everyone knows Eddie Vedder recorded a song for the Chicago Cubs right? Not to be left out the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have to have a song as well. However the best they could muster was Kevin Costner and his band “Modern West” penning them a diddy titled “It’s All Up To You.”

The song can be heard here, but be forewarned that one listen may cause cerebral hemorrhaging, blindness & the sudden love of shitty music.

Just in case you want to sing along, though:

“You got to swing for the fence, give a hundred percent,

“Dust yourself off, get up and do it again.

“You’re the only one that can make your dreams come true.

“You’re the only one, it’s all up to you.”

Posted in Cry Baby, Dallas Cowboys, Danny Ware, Dawgs, Denver Broncos, Georgia Bulldogs, Jerry Jones, Major League Baseball, NFL Football, New York Giants, Pacman Jones, Tennessee Titans, Tennessee Volunteers, Terrell Owens, Tommy Lasorda, Tony Romo, Vince Young, cocaine, drugs, drunk | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Al Davis press conference shows what Death looks like. Now, when my time comes, I’ll know.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 1, 2008

I am the evil Emperor from Star Wars!

Did anyone see the rather revealing press conference that was held by the living corpse Al Davis regarding the firing of Kiffin? If not you missed the NFL’s most Jerry Springer moment to date. This was must see TV. It was better than the Presidential Debate.

Al Davis stated that Kiffin was fired for “propaganda” and “lying” that had gone on supposedly for months.  Kiffin was “bringing disgrace to the organization,” Davis said, calling Kiffin on multiple times a “flat-out liar.”

One thing is clear to me: Al Davis looks like a more-evil version of Freddy Krueger.

Davis revealed a letter that he wrote to Kiffin before the Kansas City game outlining in detail the coach’s faults. Davis further stated that Kiffin leaked a copy of the letter to the press.

At this point Davis rambled on about Mortensen of ESPN for breaking the story and accuses Kiffin of leaking the letter to the ESPN reporter because “that’s the way he wanted to handle it.” (Great question to the local reporters assembled: “Why didn’t any of you guys have it?”)

Perhaps my all-time favorite Al quote:

“Mortensen lies…he’s a professional liar.”

Davis placed the letter on an overhead projector for the press to read. For the record I once tortured a college professor by turning his overhead projector against him.

He basically calls Kiffin a douche bag for blaming the team’s performance on the ownership of the Raiders & defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. Davis also said that Kiffin called every play on offense during his time with the team, and that he split the play-calling duties with an unnamed assistant coach on Sunday against the Chargers.

Davis said that Kiffin didn’t want to draft quarterback JaMarcus Russell, because Kiffin thought he’d be the “overweight guy” and the “uninterested guy.”  Davis also claims that Kiffin wanted the Arkansas job and was “upset as hell” that Bobby Petrino got the job.

How do you accuse someone of propaganda and then go and state your case why he deserves to be fired and not let him refute the charges? Isn’t this just Raiders propaganda.

I don’t know about the rest of the world but I would imagine that 90% of NFL fans, Raider fans included, are on Lane’s side on this one. While Davis was a huge figure in the formation of the league its doing stuff like this that has ruined his team and his reputation.

I think Davis did his best George Costanza and doing the opposite of everything that is rational.

Honestly, after seeing this press conference, I can not think of a worse scenario for Cable to enter.

Posted in Al Davis, Cry Baby, ESPN, Kiffin, NFL Football, Oakland Raiders | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »