Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

I feel sorry for Luke Walton & other sport shorts

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 8, 2008

In case you didn’t know Luke Walton had a stalker. This shouldn’t come as any surprise to people since Walton is constantly teased by his teammates for being a pretty boy. Luke in his own words told the OC Register how it all occurred & it definitely sounds a little frightening.

I'm hot for Luke

“She seemed nice enough (when she first began appearing regularly outside the Lakers’ El Segundo practice facility for autographs), and there are a lot of people who are out there all the time. I would sign stuff for them most of the time, but every once in a while you’re in a rush trying to get somwhere after practice. So one time I waved and said I had to be somewhere. And I saw her reach her pen out, and I didn’t think anything of it, and when I got to my house, I saw I had a big blue mark all down the side of my car from her Sharpie pen. So then I was like, ‘That’s messed up. I sign stuff for her all the time. Now she does that; I’m not going to sign anything for her anymore.’ That’s before I knew she was stalking me.

“It was more an annoyance than anything else until recently when she did that gun thing (gesturing at him with her hand as if shooting at him). And then I was like, ‘All right. Now she’s crossed the line.”

I feel sorry for him though. I mean look at her. And people say that Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse. James Brown’s mug shot called, it wants rock bottom back.

In case you haven’t heard they are actually making a sequel to Bull Durham. This should be as big of a hit as “Major League II” It’s a good thing they decided to release this while the original Bull Durham is still fresh in the minds of the coveted 40-65 male demographic.

St. Louis pee wee football coach who shoved 11-year-old during hand-shake ceremony to show the world what a real douche bag look like has now resigned.

The coach, in an interview with television station KSDK, said he thought the boy, who played for the opposing team, was being unsportsmanlike, and he shoved him as he would any other player who got out of line, including his own son.

“One of the kids coming at me was saying ‘you suck’ and coming at our players,” Tony Warneke told the St. Louis station. “When he got close, he said, ‘You blanking suck.’ And I reached out and shoved him and said, ‘Knock it off now.’ “

This means there’s a job opening for Scott Linehan.

John Lackey of the Angels will not STFU and quit whining about losing to my beloved Red Sox again.

“We lost to a team that’s not better than us,” growled pitcher John Lackey, who gave up two runs and seven hits in seven innings. “We are a better team than they are. The last two days, we shouldn’t have given up anything.”

“[Sunday] night they scored three runs on a pop fly that was called a hit, which was a joke,” Lackey said, referring to Ellsbury’s pop that fell between center fielder Torii Hunter and second baseman Howie Kendrick in Game 3. “[Monday] night they scored on a broken-bat ground ball and a fly ball that anywhere else in America is an out, and he’s fist-pumping on second base like he did something great.”

Asked to describe his feelings, Lackey said, “Like I want to throw somebody through a wall.”

If you were the better team, why did you fuck up the bunt and not catch the fly ball? Lackey would also like to blame the loss on TBS, as he was distracted by Craig Sager the entire time he was on the mound.

Bloop singles, ground balls, getting all the breaks, winning without “better” players…hmm, sounds a lot like Angels baseball to me. Have fun watching the ALCS at home. Again!

One Response to “I feel sorry for Luke Walton & other sport shorts”

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