Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for November, 2008

College Football Week 14 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 30, 2008

Yes folks I decided to take some time away from writing and enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend, I hope you had a pleasant and happy Thanksgiving.

I dub yesterday as disappointment day with the exception of Tennessee. I don’t mean to gloat, well…actually I do but this is the worst team that Tennessee has even placed on the field and yet Kentucky still couldn’t beat them. The streak lives on because Tennessee is Tennessee and Kentucky is Kentucky.

I’ll have a full write up on that game tomorrow.

Notre Dame put up a fight against USC at least until kickoff occurred. The Irish kept interrupting the Trojans’ pregame warmups which resulted in punches thrown and the Po Po intervening. Of course in the end Southern Cal proved what everyone knows and that is Notre Dame is a horrid team. Next stop on the Brian Kelly rumor-mill…why I’m betting Notre Dame.

Georgia seriously screws my picks up and loses to Georgia Tech.

Same old South Carolina, they still can’t beat their arch rivals the Clemson Tigers even though Clemson has an interim head coach. Hopefully this win will lead to Clemson offering the job to Dabo Swinney.

The Ole Ball (Sac) Coach is plenty mad after this embarrassment which lead Spurrier to degrade his players even further publicly. Honestly I’m wondering if he has lost this team. The reason I say that is because at the end of the game South Carolina tried to start a fight instead of shaking hands…classless.

Florida did what everyone thought they would do and beat up Florida State.

With Boston College and Virginia Tech both winning yesterday it looks like a rematch is set for the ACC title game. The same game that didn’t sell 50% of the tickets last year. Joy…

Alabama ends the Auburn winning streak they had against Bama…rather soundly at that. Time will tell if Auburn is foolish enough to fire Coach Turbeville.

No Rose bowl for you Oregon State, unless by some miracle UCLA can upset Southern Cal. Oregon State got hammered by the ugly uniform wearing Ducks of Oregon.

Oklahoma and Oklahoma State was a closer game than what the score indicates and it was a great game. Hats off to both teams.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, Big Twelve Football, Brian Kelly, Clemson Tigers, Dabo Swinney, Fights, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fulmer, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Hokies, Kentucky Wildcats, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Oklahoma sooners, Old Ball Sack Coach, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, USC, Virginia Tech, boston college, classless, notre dame sucks, southern cal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Broken Plays: Does Tennessee actually have a new coach edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 26, 2008

First let me start with saying there will be no update for Thursday since it will be Thanksgiving. I plan on spending the day rooting against the Cowboys and enjoying time with family and friends.

But you never know…I might break away and post something….maybe

Well the hottest rumor abound is that Tennessee is planning on announcing that Lane Kiffin will the new football coach on December 1st. If that is the case then I’m staking my claim right here, right now that from that day on out he shall be known as King Kiffin. ™ Ooh…look a trademark logo.

It is not know how Al Davis will react to the news. Let’s see…

If this picture came at me in 3D, I'd be spending the afternoon shopping for a new pair of pants.

Wow…I’m speechless. Speaking of Al Davis how would you like to him in 3-D? According to the Wall Street Journal, the NFL has announced that the Dec. 4 game between the Chargers and Raiders will be broadcast live in 3-D to theaters in Los Angeles, New York and Boston. The three screenings – for NFL and consumer electronics executives only – are a “preliminary step” toward what could be regular 3-D broadcasts throughout the NFL schedule.

My thoughts are l Davis in 3-D isn’t a technological advancement, it’s a threat.

Keeping with the NFL Newsday is reporting that the league is looking why Brandon Jacobs was inactive for the past game against Arizona. Zona’s complaint steams from the fact the Giants deactivated him hours before game-time on Sunday after he was listed as probable on Friday. Call it whining if you want, but the NFL requires teams to fill out an injury reports for a reason.

Tom Coughlin was not happy to be asked about this allegation either.

“I don’t know what you are trying to stir up or what you are trying to say, but we did everything the right way,” he said. “I really believed that he would play and then he felt like he wasn’t going to be able to contribute. So then we logged every issue every day. So there was no hidden … What was our mistake? Listing him as probable? We did think he was probable.”

Apparently the wife of the University of Tennessee President John Petersen is well either a bit caddy or just a bitch. I’m sure somehow this is all Fulmer’s fault. Is the picture a mug shot, I mean she does look somewhat unstable.

Another school is looking for a coach. The University of Washington is rumored to plan on going after Les “Big hat, little penis” Miles. Ummm….can we say “Not a chance in hell?”

This time of year always marks what is known as the college coaching carousel. It also marks the time when we realize that Terry Bowden jockeys himself into position to fail. This year might looks like he really wants the San Diego State job.

“I don’t know much about San Diego State, but I am receptive to the right opportunity,” said Bowden, who has been working in broadcasting since last coaching in 1998. “I’d be glad to talk to people at San Diego State if they would like to. I really would.”

You it’s not like he sounds desperate…OK I lied it is.

The University of Michigan finally get a much needed victory when official at the Detroit Zoo make a Buckeye piñata and feed to a wolverine. I’m sure Michigan fans are wondering why they couldn’t have thrown RichRod in there also.

If South Carolina ever plays Oregon State I’m sure I will get to write:

‘Cocks finally get a victory when officials at the Columbia, SC zoo throw a beaver into the ‘cocks enclosure, where the effigy was fucked to shreds. Poor delicious vagina. Thus inspired, South Carolina stormed out and lost to Oregon St 42-7.

Some people might remember Lenny Dykstra as outgoing. *Cough BS Cough* But at least he remains a classy figure in sports. Look at some of these quotes that Lenny had to say after he appeared in a Manhattan courtroom to fight over $139,000 owed to him by a Manhattan accounting firm.

“[They] folded like Mitch Williams in the ninth,” Dykstra said about the firm that sued him as he made reference to a former Phillie teammate who served the winning homer to the Blue Jays’ Joe Carter in the ’93 World Series. “There was no case. There was nothing.”


“That’s my f–in’ ashtray money, bro,” he told the New York Post, when asked about claims he owed a private jet company $7,000. “I don’t even know if I flew on their plane.”

Alright everyone, listen up. Here's my next big tip: If you bite of both ends, like so, it turns into a straw.

Stay classy Lenny!

Posted in Al Davis, Arizona Cardinals, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Lenny Dykstra, Michigan Wolverines, New York Giants, Oakland Raiders, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, San Diego State, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Terry Bowden, big ten football, ohio state buckeyes | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Saints & Poo: Will the Mystery Man be Found?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 25, 2008

The New Orleans Saints might be a middle of the pack football team, but they’re savvy car shoppers.

“Saints owner Tom Benson owns various car dealerships. We’re told that, each year, he brings a mini-fleet of new cars to the team facility in the hopes of getting some of his employees to make a purchase.

As we hear it, the players don’t really appreciate the sales pitch, due in part to the perception that they aren’t offered much of a deal.

This year, some of them made it known.

On Saturday, when players arrived at the facility to continue preparations for Monday night’s home game against the Packers, more than one of the cars was coated in a certain byproduct of the human digestive system.”

I wonder what the owner would say if he found out who the culprit was…”What is it going to take for me to poop you on this car today?”

Then again one could blame this on the government; after all if FEMA had provided them with Port-a-Potties, this would never have happened.

That’s a nice car…for me to poop on!

Posted in NFL, NFL Football, New Orleans Saints, Poo | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Latest From the Aggie Report

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 25, 2008

The comedy geniuses of the Aggie Report have produced a new abet lengthy video. Trust me it’s worth the watch. It focuses on the upcoming game against Texas.

Posted in Big Twelve Football, Texas A&M, Texas Longhorns | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

The Tennessee/Vanderbilt Grade Book: Phil’s 8-0 in Nashville

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 24, 2008

Last Saturday things seemed normal. Another game against Vandy translates into another win for the VOLS.

“We’re still Tennessee,” said Phillip Fulmer after his next-to-last game as coach at his alma mater. We feel like most of the time we have better players and should win these games.”

I couldn’t agree more. All though there were still mistakes committed in this game by the team, they seem trivial when a win occurs, especially a win against a quality Vanderbilt team.

Even though people say this game is a rivalry game, I for one do not believe that. I mean the head to head record isn’t even close. Let’s go to the grades.


Gee…Crompton was intercepted again and Coleman was less than impressive as well, giving up a pick six. The fact that Gerald Jones & Eric Berry played well in the QB position keeps me from giving a “F-”.


Creer like the majority of the season looked good. He racked up 80 yards on 13 carries, however he fumbled once. Hardesty missed several blocks but had a nice run going over 20 yards. Foster almost looked like the old Foster minus the fumbles.


Look its Stocker and guess what he dropped a pass. Rogers had a nice catch on a key third down. The receivers did an excellent good blocking for the running backs.


This might the highest grade they have earned all season. Even though Vandy knew we were going to run the ball, they simply couldn’t stop it. They played with consistency and only had one penalty.


Seven sacks…nice. Ayers played like a man processed. Walker forced a fumble.


Rico McCoy had 11 tackles and again proves how valuable he has been to this team. Nevin McKenzie was all over the field and Ellix Wilson was very productive.


Eric Berry had a beautiful interception that he ran back 45 yards for a touchdown. Brett Vinson had an interception that he back 69 yards.


Rogan had some nice kickoff returns. As usual Colquitt was above average punting. Lincoln Logs hit two field goals.


Again the VOLS defense was dominate in this game however the offense was very one dimensional. I liked the call to have Colquitt attempt a 50 yard field goal on fourth down. At least it was something different. However the choice not to play Stephens was completely stupid.


With this being arguably the worst team Tennessee has put on the field and not having a passing game of any type, Vandy still couldn’t beat them. It’s obvious that Tennessee used the past bye week wisely.

Strength coach Johnny Long shouted to fans as he left the field: “They’re still Vandy, and we’ll always be Tennessee.”

AMEN Brother!

Posted in Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, Vanderbilt, Vanderbilt Commodores, cromptonites, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks, vandy | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Wrestling for York College will give you herpes

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 21, 2008

You know if I was to ever contract the Herpes Simplex Virus I would at least pray it was due to banging some easy chick that sucks more than Hoover or Paris Hilton.

Unfortunately for three former wrestlers of York College they claim they contracted the virus by a fellow teammate on the wrestling team. In a civil lawsuit for negligence in Philadelphia County Court, all three claim they were forced to practice with the said infected teammate.

Two hits: me hittin’ you, you hittin’ the floor. Oh, then you get herpes. So, three hits, I guess.

” The three men claim that, in October 2006, one of their teammates developed Herpes Simplex Virus I lesions on his skin and was not allowed to practice for three days. When he returned to practice, Cooke bandaged the wrestler’s lesions, according to court documents.

For the next several weeks, other wrestlers developed similar lesions, and all “continued to engage in full-contact practice with bandages over their lesions,” according to court documents.”

Loudon Swain (played by Tom Cruise) wouldn’t have allowed it to stop him. He was on a Vision Quest. Pun very much intended.  I’m waiting for the “I Wrestled for York College and All I Got was this Lousy Case of Herpes Simplex Virus I” t-shirt to start hitting the streets now.

They should have known when that guy started going by the in-ring persona of “Ron Mexico the Valtrex Vanquisher.”

Posted in Herpes, York College, wrestling | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Can someone please tell Roger Goodell that the NFL is facing larger issues than misbehaving mascots and the usage of the words “Ref you suck”?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 20, 2008

Wow that might be my longest title ever. The NFL is tons of image problems right now, from steroid usage, Spy-Gate, horrid officiating & Pac-Man Jones. Given all that Sheriff Goodell has deemed misbehaving mascots atop his priority list.

His first target is Rowdy who is the Dallas Cowboys’ answer to Nebraska’s Big Red that doubles as a mascot. Tim MacMahon of the Dallas Morning News warns that Rowdy is about get his ass handed to him for of all things, doing his job which is to have fun and entertain the crowd.

That darn rabble-rouser got himself on double-secret probation with the NFL. His trouble started when T.O. and Rowdy exchanged a chest bump after a touchdown in the Monday night game against the Eagles.

Some uptight NFL dudes got their britches in a bunch about prearranged celebrations involving mascots and threatened to slap the Cowboys with a five-figure fine. Jerry Jones … eventually decided that it’d be in the Cowboys’ best interests to minimize the mascot’s exposure during games.

Rowdy is banished to the locker room except for pregame and a brief third-quarter appearance to fire T-shirts into the crowd.

Please tell me this is some misunderstanding. Look, I hate Dallas (sorry Joel’s wife) but this issue goes way beyond Dallas. With all the problems the NFL is facing right now, one would tend to think that wasn’t a big deal and overlook the whole thing.

This is a complete joke. I remember that the whole point of mascots was supposed to get the crowd pumped up. Last I checked, college football teams often center around their mascots. It sounds like to me like Goodell just has a problem with Jerry Jones. He needs to focus on real issues.

Even though the officiating this season makes the SEC referee crew headed by Penn Wagers look like they never miss a call, don’t you dare yell that they suck.

Arlene Ryan-Veldhuis has been a Tampa Bay Bucs season ticket holder for more than 10 years. She sits in the third row behind the Bucs bench on the 32 yard line. She loves to cheer for her team. The problem is she has a loud booming voice, so of course she can be heard.

Although she cheers on her favorite team, Arlene gets perturbed (like most fans such as myself) when a NFL referee makes a call that she thinks is wrong. And this year there have been a lot of wrong calls.

She says that everlasting phrase that she screams when she thinks there has been a bad call. She yells, “Ref, you suck!” when she is upset with the so called “zebra on the field.”

Some uptight fans such as Sandy Schene take offense at the fact Arlene actually gets excited and into the game. So her solution was to tattle tell about Arlene to the Tampa Sports Authority.

The Tampa Sports Authority in turn says Arlene is violating the new NFL policy which says “Profanity (swearing/off color/offensive language) will not be tolerated on the Tampa Sports Authority property. Patrons will be ejected for using offensive language due to this rule that the NFL has implemented.

Arlene claims she was told by the TSA to please stop saying, “Ref, you suck.” The woman says she doesn’t understand why it is considered offensive. She states it is “not one of the seven words you can’t say on television” and she thinks she should be able to express herself.

Sure Arlene looks like a transvestite with a bad wig; I can see the shaved beard and Adam’s apple…sorry, maybe I need to update the prescription on my contacts…anyway that’s not the point. The point is you trying to tell me that the NFL will also regulate free speech?

Wow, have they not ever seen HBO sports, where you hear the coaches using curse words, you never new existed?

You suck isn’t profanity.

If the NFL is attempting to censor speech then they won’t be around much longer. That’s what makes the games fun. She has a right to her opinion. She thinks the ref sucks, thus, that is her right.

I would have caused a riot if I was there.

I do understand the other side from the other fan. I’ve been to events where there were drunk and loud idiots that just ruin it for everybody. Either way, nobody likes a snitch-bitch.

It is weird that the sport is so violent, yet they have a problem with “you suck.” Maybe they need to find another sport to follow.

Posted in Dallas Cowboys, Free Speech, Jerry Jones, NFL Football, Roger Goodell | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

You know that Mindy McCready chick is really turning into a media whore

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 19, 2008

The never ending story of Mindy “I’m now a media whore” McCready & Roger “I’m a jacked up steroid using, wife cheating bastard” Clemens is now taken yet another strange turn.

Media Whore Mindy told Inside Edition that contrary to other published reports she didn’t meet Clemens when she was fifteen instead she was sixteen and relations didn’t occur until “years later”.

So he wasn’t a pedophile, just a philandering douche. I guess that moves him up to a significantly less horrific circle of hell.

“Carrying on a relationship with him is not something I’m proud of,” she said, according to a partial transcript released by the show. “Roger Clemens is one of the most wonderful men I’ve ever known. … He treated me like a princess.”

“We never had a meeting in secret. We went on vacations together. We went to Palm Springs. We went to Las Vegas, New York City,” McCready told Inside Edition. “I wanted him to do right by me … and when he wouldn’t, I broke it off.”

McCready also apologizes to Clemens’ wife, Debbie, and says that at one point she wanted to end it all. “I have nothing but remorse and nothing but sympathy for what [Debbie] had to go through with this situation, and she has my utmost apology,” she told Inside Edition.

Now many of you might remember me reporting on a documentary that was being filmed about McSlutty, well with the timing of this interview, it might be a safe guess that it’s about to be released.

I’m guessing that both will be on Surreal Life here in a few years.

Posted in Douche Bag, Mindy McCready, Roger Clemens, cheaters, classless, secrets, steroids | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Jim Leyritz will struggle through this…somehow

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 19, 2008

For those of you that might not know or remember Jim Leyritz, he is a former douche-bag Yankee who stands accused of being involved in an accident while driving drunk, in which a young mother was killed.

Of course our legal system, being what is, means Leyritz is currently out on bail awaiting trial. The judge had ordered a Breathalyzer device be installed in his car until the trial.

Last week Leyritz’s attorneys asked the judge to remove the device because it was somewhat “bothersome.”

“He cannot leave the car with a valet, because it cannot be started by the valet,” his lawyers said in a statement. And he “can’t eat things like chicken Marsala,” said his ex-wife, Karri, because certain foods cause false positives.

So… all the valets in New York have also been eating Chicken Marsala?

Jim Leyritz needs to be able to use valet parking, people. Do you know how hard it is to remember where you parked your car after drinking three bottles of wine during dinner?

The victim’s lifeless body has requested that her body be re-animated because her current state of lifelessness is “bothersome.”

Maybe the court could replace his Breathalyzer with the barrel of a loaded shotgun.

Hey Jim fuck you asshole. I feel so sorry for you.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, DUI, Jim Leyritz, drunk, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Oh My God! The End Is Near! There Wasn’t an Update this Morning!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 18, 2008


That’s right people there certainly wasn’t an update this morning. You see I also serve on as the president of my condo association. Last night was a rather lengthy board meeting.

With that being said let me say this:

Carl you’re an asshole and you talk to much and Cindy if you wasn’t so slutty looking you could be doable.

People blame those two, I just mentioned because of them I over slept this morning leaving barely enough time to make it to work on time.

Now let’s get to business. I promise I’ll have a better update tomorrow morning unless Cindy cleans her self up and decides to blow me.

Has anyone notice just how frighteningly ugly the Oregon Ducks uniforms are getting? Are those wings made out of machetes? Are they some kind of mutant genetically modified super killing machine duck?

And WTF is this? This was taken in the stands of this weekend’s past Auburn game. And he’s the cutest girl at Auburn. (Sorry Auburn fans I had to) Are the pony tails real human hair taken from his victims?

Speaking of Auburn, Dennis Fran “The Fraud” Franchione is defending Tommy Tuberville.

“Tommy Tuberville is a great coach, and I don’t think anything should happen to him,” Franchione said. “He’s beaten Alabama six times in a row.”

Since this is a very short update I’ll let you know that Isaac Stockton will not be denied his ball!

Skip around to the 18 second mark to see what I call a “It’s concentration bitch!” catch. When he get hit you’re going to think “Why is Thomas posting a snuff film?”

It will shake your bowels.

Posted in Auburn, Dennis Franchione, Oregon Ducks, SEC Coaches | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »