Jim Leyland's wife was going to host an All-Star Game party but he requested a nice, peaceful night at home. Translation: he wants to do it. 9 months ago
USA was Eliminated By Croatia In Davis Cup Quarters. This is utterly shocking news to those who had no idea the Davis Cup was even going on. 9 months ago
Remember how people were mad when Stallworth got 30 days in jail for DUI manslaughter? He was released after serving 24 days. 3-day weekend! 10 months ago
ESPN is creating a UK-based channel. If "First Take" ends up on the schedule, this could destroy the NATO alliance. 10 months ago
Toronto Argos receiver Arland Bruce decided he'd pay tribute to Michael Jackson after his first TD by taking off his pads and playing dead. 10 months ago
Have any questions, hate mail, private comments, cease and desist letters, story ideas, death threats (that will be published) or tips? Then drop us a line at
ymswwc@gmail.com
Writers Wanted
If you would like to be a writer for this blog, guest blogger or have an opposing view point in the form of a story to balance things out, e-mail it in. And yes you can make fun of Tennessee.
Now that Vandy is bowl eligible for the first time since the early 80′s and coupled with the fact that Tennessee lost to them in 2005, it’s clear that Phil Fulmer is purposely going to lose to them on purpose this coming Saturday.
Fulmer has named Crapton Crompton the starter for this coming Saturday’s match up against Vanderbilt. Crompton is just giddy with excitement.
“I’m enthused,” said Crompton, “I’m going to go out here and do the best I can. We’ve got to go out and win these last two games.”
You know who’s not enthused with this choice? ME! In fact I’m willing to bet that only he is enthused with this decision. Well, actually I take that back. I’m sure the Vandy is equally enthused with his slow reads and our porous offensive line.
Hey I have an idea, why not start B.J. “Huge hands” Coleman? Gerald Jones wouldn’t mind seeing that.
“I think he deserves a chance,” Jones said. “He did pretty good – really good – in the JV game. Why not? Give him a chance and see if he can lead this team from here on out. But I’m not the coach, so it’s not my call.”
“I don’t want to say what’s different, what’s good or what’s better, (but) the difference is Crompton’s a lot slower with his reads than Nick,” Jones said.
Tennessee is actually a 3 ½ point underdog for this Saturday’s game.
Wow!!! You fucktards really did it now. I cannot believe it. You are not about to embarrass me again. Wait, too late. You guys are really a group of fine individuals. 2 years in a row. I go to Sew Fine Tailors on Euclid Avenue & tell them to hook me up with the finest suit they have, so ol’ Billy Clyde can look sharp as a tack on opening night, and this is how you sissy merries repay me??? Jeremy, bring me my special Gardner-Webb flask…
(Billy Clyde takes a swig)
You 22 mother fuckers are making me the fucking laughingstock of college basketball. You hear that??? That is ol’ Billy Donovon laughing his ass off. He turned down this job because their wasn’t enough hair gel in this barren wasteland of a state to last a year. He’s got his own personal Soul Glo guy just to style his hair. But not ol’ Billy Clyde. I don’t need gallons of Royal Crown Pomade in my contract. All I need is some of that Kentucky bourbon and some hot poon. Glynn, show these boys the action I got lined up after I leave here. Where’s that fancy iPhone??? Pass it around the locker room and show these sorry ass losers what they almost ruined for Billy Clyde.
This here is Becky. She is a Miller Lite girl. Now I don’t waste time on beer because it gets in the way. Now you boys might think ol’ Billy Clyde would be in hog heaven, with a hot piece of tail & massive quantities of beer. But that is why you boys are losers. You don’t think. See, ol’ Billy Clyde is warming up.
(Takes 3 more huge swigs out of G-W gas can flask)
Billy Clyde wants it all. That white suit wearing asshole in Louisville is laughing his ass off at ol’ Billy Clyde. I want it all. That piss ant is getting all the glory in this state. I want one of those fancy banners in the rooftops too, so I can use it as a blanket when I am bedding trim in my off time. Tracy, I need 3 tonight.
Damn Tracy, times must be hard. The economy is in the tank but I get a 4, 7, and 5??? I thought this was Lexington, not Morgantown??? What about the douchebag guys in the background??? Oh well. Bring them too. First time for everything, like you dipshits losing to a 6 win team. See boys, this is how ol’ Billy Clyde is rolling tonight, since you just ruined my season. Thanks. Career high my ass. There’s a reason I left College Station. That cow town had 3 hot chicks, and all of them were horrible in bed. If you are ever driving through Texas & wanna find College Station, let ol’ Billy Clyde tell you how to find it. You will know you are getting close when you start seeing the sheep back ass up to the fences.
Well, you sorry sacks of shit are excused. I will deal with you tomorrow after I give this poon some of Big Billy Clyde. Towelboy, I am taking some towels home. Gonna need that flask too.
Let’s be honest. Yesterday offered a plethora of crappy games. On the bright side my beloved VOLS didn’t lose, of course they didn’t play but that’s not the point.
Clemson light Duke up. One more win and they’re bowl eligible.
Will Ron Zook be asked to step down after losing yet another game?
Look out Notre Dame is now bowl eligible even though Navy had a chance to win it in the end. Charles Weis really needs to look into doing some push-ups.
Georgia and the penalties they accrue almost cost them the game against Auburn.
Florida hammered South Carolina which is absolutely hilarious to me. Living in Columbia you should have heard all the things the Cock fans were saying. Deuce Staley actually said on his weekly radio talk show, “Carolina’s defense can match up with anyone’s speed in the country.” Really Deuce? You couldn’t tell from their performance yesterday.
I continuously laugh when I watch TV ads for other schools. And then a Florida ad comes on. “Go Gators. Go cure cancer.” Oh, that seems pretty simple. Tebow will take care of that in between circumcisions this off-season.
Does anyone really want to win the ACC?
Miami should be thanking Maryland for beating North Carolina.
Wisconsin discovered something called a forward pass and beat Minnesota with it.
Has anyone noticed that Nebraska is bowl eligible yet?
Missouri wins the Big 12 North…yes people that still exists.
Florida State couldn’t control penalties & Boston College’s running game at the same time.
It can be said: Vandy is bowl eligible. Kentucky might have been still mourning the humiliating loss the basketball received at the hands of VMI the night before.
Washington is still winless go figure.
Houston doesn’t have a problem as they rack up 70 points against Tulsa.
LSU almost embarrassed themselves and the SEC yesterday.
Michigan endures their first 8 loss season ever. I’m sure they’re glad they hired Rich Rodriguez now.
I’ve spent most of the day funneling NyQuil and free basing Tylenol Cold and Flu and I’m feeling somewhat better. In my medicated stupor I envisioned a horrible Christmas gift. Upon sobering up some I realized that I didn’t envision this but I saw it on TV in the form of a pesky commercial.
Just imagine your child’s face light up with disappointment when they receive the ESPN Sportscaster Microphone! Now your child can actually pretend to be Dr. Lou! And this is perfect for every father who aspires to turn their little girl into the next Erin Andrews.
Buy now, and they’ll throw in Stuart Scott’s wandering eye…for FREE!
Other toys might be coming soon such as:
The Michael Vick Doggie Grooming Kit
The Phil Fulmer doughnut maker
The Nick Saban Satanic Alter
The Brett Favre Decision MakerThe Harold Reynolds Experience featuring Boston Market
The Sean Salisbury Clipboard
Emmit Smith’s Hooked On Phonics
Mike Greenberg’s Guide for the Metrosexual Male and Makeup Kit
I feel like this poor kid in the below video expect sick. This hit will be featured on Lil’ Faces of Death DVD series.
Angie that’s not enough bleach! You must use more! Some cheerleading beauties from Chapin high school in El Paso, TX were caught making “special” brownies for they cross town rivals. You put a lot of love, time, bleach, laxatives & rat poison in them. But the cupcakes were also infused with school spirit! That has to count for something.
The F$U football teams prepares to face Boston College this weekend by kicking some ass. According to I Bleed Garnet and Gold this fight was one for the ages.
“Well, it all started on {last week} Thursday when they started fighting at Floyd’s over some girl. Then yesterday at the union, a group of WR’s jumped the sigmas in the union. It turned into an all out brawl. The Sigmas were getting dragged up the stairs of Moore Auditorium and thrown through tables.
Someone got stabbed in the face with a pencil. A girl trying to split up the fight got punched in the face and another girl was hit in the face with a chair because a Sigma threw a chair at [WR Corey] Surrency and he ducked.”
You’d think they’d prepare for BC by beating up on the Catholic fraternity.
Remember Derrick MCfadden’s car? Well here’s William Moore’s car. He’s a senior safety for the Tigers. All that picture needs are 2 dead bodies and the coda from “Layla” playing in the background.
You Halloween costume was not this good. Unfortunately, Mangino ate the baby after mistaking it for an M&M.
Well the rumors are certainly running rampant on an already ravished Rocky Top. All in all yesterday should have been a very good day for Tennessee fans. Marlon Walls said he is sticking with his commitment to Tennessee, Kenny Hall officially signed with the VOLS to play basketball for Bruce Pearl & we learn that Eric Berry is also a Lott Trophy semifinalist.
I believe all those things should be considered great news if you’re a Tennessee fan, however when I scour the message boards all I see is negativity over than fact Butch Davis said he has no interest in Tennessee’s coaching job and will remain in Chapel Hill.
There is this huge debate at who should be the next Tennessee head football coach. For some reason everyone assumes that names like Butch Davis, Mike Leach & Lane Kiffin are all on this list.
The truth of the matter is only Mike Hamilton knows who’s on the list. Neither Tennessee nor Hamilton has said in a official capacity who is on that list. All anyone hears seems to come from “sources.” I’m not saying these sources are incorrect but I am saying that as for as we the average fan (and the real lifeblood of the program) knows these sources could be wrong.
Rumors will always swirl around coaching vacancies. That’s life. Here is UT’s plane log according to this blog and look yesterday it flew to Raleigh-Durham airport, why doesn’t a certain former offensive coordinator coach there? Hey a certain former super bowl winning NFL coach lives there as well.
Did you see how easy that was?
All I’m saying is folks relax and enjoy the men’s basketball team and this to shall pass.
Now in attempt to be humorous I present to you some other coaching candidates that for reason or another aren’t getting as play as those on this mythical list. I call it Mike Hamilton goes on a vision quest. Enjoy.
Severely shaken up over the news the Butch Davis is “adamantly” denying any interest in the Tennessee coaching job, AD Mike Hamilton has an epiphany and realizes that he needs to go on a vision quest to stir up names to add to the ever growing wish list.
Hamilton takes a paper bag and grabs some Big Orange colored spray paint and sprays some in the bag. While taking deep slow breaths Hamilton chants:
“Oh spirit of the Behr please come to me now.”
After 45 minutes and 2 spray cans worth, the ghost of Behr Bryant appears to Hamilton and says:
“What the hell do you want? I was busy getting my drink on” to which Hamilton replied “You’re always getting your drink on Behr but I need your help!”
“You see” Hamilton begins “there are members of the Tennessee wish list saying no this early and I need some candidates to help the rumor fire similar to what Alabama went through before hiring Satan…err Saban.”
“You interrupted my daily dosing of Jim Beam and Jack Daniels for this?” Bryant asks.
Hamilton looks sheepishly down while tears form in his eyes.
“Oh God! Fine you girlie-man I’ll help you come up with candidates but I’m not helping you hire anyone!” Bryant says with disgust, “Come with me to my lair formally known as hell and we shall conjure some names for this list.”
“Hell? I thought I saw you in heaven in a dream I had. I’m not selling my soul to you Behr!” Hamilton replies.
A demon that strikingly looks like Logan Young suddenly appears from behind the Behr.
“We don’t need to buy your soul it’s not like you’re a five star football recruit” it mockingly says to Hamilton and disappears.
“He’s right you know” say the Behr “Besides what you saw in heaven was God wearing a hounds tooth hat, he just thinks he’s me. Now close your eyes we’re going to my lair”
Moments pass and Hamilton hears the Behr say “Ok weasel boy you can open them again.”
Hamilton looks around and says “Where am I? This certainly doesn’t look like hell.”
“It’s a place called Shreveport, La. & get used to it cause it’s possible you’ll be coming here for a few seasons and then you will see why I call this place hell” replied the Behr.
“Ok here are some more names to place on your wish list” say the Behr and hands Hamilton a piece of paper.
On the paper is collection of names that of people are not mentioning such as:
Charlie Strong: Current Defensive Coordinator at Florida.
Steve Sarkisian: Current Offensive Coordinator, Assistant Head Coach, and Quarterbacks Coach at Southern Cal.
Kevin Wilson: Current Offensive Coordinator at Oklahoma.
Kyle Whittingham: current coach at Utah who is undefeated.
Hamilton looked up at the Behr and gave his thanks and asked “How do I get back home?”
“Just click your heels together three times and say ‘There’s nothing like firing Fulmer’” the Behr replied.
Hamilton did just as he said and awoke sweating profusely on the floor of his garage and holding the phone in his hand.
He quickly places the phone to his ear and says “Behr is that you?”
“What the hell are you talking about? I’ve been giving ideas for replacement coaches for the past 30 minutes!” a very frustrated Doug Dickey said, “Have you been huffing spray paint again?”
Quickly Hamilton hangs the phone up. He gets up dusts himself off. He feels a great weight off his mind and plans on enjoying the evening watching reruns of Laverne & Shirley.
One of my “real life” friends informed me that Michael Vick AKA Ron Mexico must be on some work release program and is a register jockey a local Chick-fil-a. The bigger question here is, why did he tip $10 at Chick-fil-A?
Poor guy….his momma named him Ron Mexico and now he has to put up with crap like this for the rest of his life.
What is it with college athletes and shoplifting from Wal-Mart? Is there some super secret requirement that if you’re in college on an athletic scholarship then you must participate in shoplifting from Wal-Mart?
Seriously…this is the fourth story I’ve written about involving college athletes and shoplifting from Wally World in less than a year’s time.
Alvin was caught by the Wal-Mart rent-a-cop with 36 Trojan Magnum condoms shoved down his pants. How was there any room in his pants for the Magnums if that’s truly what he needed? As he attempted to run he knocked over a 66-year-old female customer which left her with a concussion. Even though the lady might have flopped…guess what Alvin? You also get a simple assault charge for that as well. Douche-bag
Only 36 condoms? Wilt Chamberlain is not impressed!!!!!!!!!!
That 66-year old lady is the best defender he’s faced all year playing for Binghamton.
For the record the school offers free condoms what an idiot, unless he mistakenly thought he was enrolled at Brigham and couldn’t get rubbers for free at the student health center.
Alvin is considered a playground legend from Philly and is a transfer from Chipola College, a community college on Florida’s panhandle between Tallahassee and Pensacola.
To top all of this off, Alvin is a cousin of the late Walter Payton, the famed former Chicago Bears football player who is in the Hall of Fame.
Bottom line is if you can’t get away from Wal-Mart security, maybe athletics just isn’t your thing.
The following video surmises what it’s like being a Tennessee fan over the past couple of days.
He got JACKED UP. (Hoots and hollers) The University of Tennessee has just offered this kid a full ride.
Yesterday was particularly rough for my fellow Tennessee fans.
Freshman point guard Daniel West has been ruled ineligible for the season
Tailback Jarvis Giles became the latest to rescind his pledge to be a part of UT’s 2009 signing class
Jon Gruden said he isn’t interested in leaving his job to come to UT
D.J. Swearinger de-committed from the 2009 signing class.
However I have some great news for fellow Tennessee fans. I got a FAT raise yesterday! W00t!!!
To celebrate that fact I offer this photo of Hailey and Hanna Nutt, the 20-year old twin daughters of Ole Miss Coach Houston Nutt.
Oh man, I think I'm going to bust an Orgeron.
Here’s something that might make your brain hurt. Florida State safety Myron Rolle will miss the November 22 game against Maryland … because he has to interview for a Rhodes Scholarship. Seriously. [SI.com]
Even though this is dated I’m writing about it anyway. The election has passed and we have a new president elect. Now I could care less who you voted for, but the follow photo should classified as hate speech. Whether you supported McCain or not you have to admit that labeling him as a fan of Oakland Raiders is just plain wrong.
It is good to be back in God’s country, Tennessee. I am in Nashville for a conference (coincidentally, the same week as the Country Music Awards, Carrie Underwood in particular). Everything is so familiar: great food spots, Jack Daniel’s and related products readily available, LP Field sparkling bright along the banks of the Cumberland River, the history of Jefferson Street. Even driving here from Houston, the leg of I-40 between Memphis & Nashville is absolutely amazing this time of year, with the trees bright with fall colors as you start going up the hills into town. This is something that I do not get to see at my Houston location due to its four seasons: Cool, Warm, Hot, and Hot As Hell.
So as I go to visit Rivergate Mall just right outside Nashville, I saw something disturbing. I saw a 25% sign on Volunteer merchandise. Hats, rugs, Christmas ornaments, shirts, even dog dishes with Smokey’s face and orange & white checkerboard on the side. Now I should say that Sports Seasons, the store that I saw this, is notorious for hard to find sports apparel and at ridiculously high prices. When they have a sale, the prices are usually where either they should have been at first, or the competition has caught up with their chain and now they need to drop the price and advertise as a “sale”. They did not allow people to take pics inside the store, but clearance items were even 25% off the lowest marked price. Guess which coach had a whole table full of things with his name and/or likeness on it??? While I was there, I ran into a Bammer that said to me “Don’t worry. We have these things happen every few years since Bear died. In a couple of years after Saban leaves we will do the same to him too”. That made me feel a little better, I guess.
As I went through the mall, Champs, Foot Locker, and other stores all had Vol merchandise on sale. Basketball season is coming up and Vol merchandise is on sale everywhere??? Is this going on throughout the state??? As I was thinking about it, maybe this is because retail sales are in the toilet everywhere and they are using the Vols as a ploy to get people to buy $149.99 LenDale White jerseys while they are shopping. But that is spin, and if I am gonna spin things that way then I am no better than a member of the Red Elephant Club.
It could be worse though. Anything with Vince Young’s name, face, or jersey # has been on clearance for months according to the assistant manager, and they still haven’t sold much of it…
Have any questions, hate mail, private comments, cease and desist letters, story ideas, death threats (that will be published) or tips? Then drop us a line at
ymswwc@gmail.com
I’ve spent most of the day funneling NyQuil and free basing Tylenol Cold and Flu and I’m feeling somewhat better. In my medicated stupor I envisioned a horrible Christmas gift. Upon sobering up some I realized that I didn’t envision this but I saw it on TV in the form of a pesky commercial.
What is it with college athletes and shoplifting from Wal-Mart? Is there some super secret requirement that if you’re in college on an athletic scholarship then you must participate in shoplifting from Wal-Mart?
