Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for December 19th, 2008

Bama Fans make the Best Prostitutes (If you equate best to skanky)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 19, 2008

Police in Montgomery, Alabama took down a prostitution ring yesterday that netted 7 sluts and 3 white trash pimps. Good job!

While looking through the mug shots picture 8 really stands out. It’s name is Leslie Parker and it’s obvious she’s a Bama fan! RTR!

She’s just trying to get paid by any means necessary… one might call her behavior “Saban-esque”. She may only charge a dollar but she feels like a millionaire. RTR!

alabama-pros

Rammer Jammer, Skank goes to the Slammer

She looks like the looks like the bastard child of Jeremy Shockey and Molly Ringwald. Let me guess. You take her home to your wife/girlfriend and your better half automatically feels better about herself…right?

The jerseys are actually a form of “prostitution code”. For example, the Johns are supposed to sport something from the University of South Carolina.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Crime & Punishment, Hookers, SEC, Skank | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Broken plays for the weekending 12/19/08

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 19, 2008

Well many have whispered it in the past and now it’s coming full circle. Dan Hawkins the head football coach for Colorado is officially delusional. Even though he has yet to post a winning season in the three years he’s been at Colorado, Hawkins predicts a 10 win season for 2009.

It’s division 1 football!!! Classic meltdown but now looking at the aftermath such as that prediction I pity him.

Nude cheerleaders + cell phone = the best paragraph ever written in The State Journal.

But first let me explain the situation: Apparently at Harding Middle School in Steubenville, Ohio, there are some nude photos of the school’s cheerleaders. Somehow…someway the perverted janitor, Mr. DeSimone, has them on his cell phone. Of course being a custodial engineer he shows great common sense and judgment by showing the photos to other students.

All that leads us to the funniest paragraph written in the history of mankind!!!

We are learning that all four of the pictures were naked cheerleaders exposing their tops. Detectives said that after confiscating his phone, it has been sent away and is under going testing to determine how the pictures got there. Decimone was suppose to be in court yesterday, but his attorney did not show up.

Things like this never happened when I was in school. For one, janitors couldn’t afford cell phones, and we liked it that way!

Tank top, necklace, backwards visor....so Hasselhoff is a Gators fan?

Are you getting all excited about the Las Vegas Bowl? No? Well if I told that David Hasselhoff will serenade the National Anthem to the Morons, would you be more enthusiastic?

It’s a step up for the Hoff, who is usually singing to Morons.

He really needs to be a spokesman for NutriSystem so he can loose some of that weight. Also, to punch Boomer in the face.

Good God Mike Tyson got fat!!!! He did it. He finally ate Lennox Lewis’s children.

Forget street cred, it's all about Cosmo cred now. Wait until Josh breaks out the old NBA short-shorts because they accentuate his calves more

Remember Josh Howard? Instead of being famous for his basketball skillz, he’s more famous for admitting he smoked pot in the off-season and then followed that up by saying negative things about the National Anthem last September.

Now however we can get to know the more gentle side of Josh as he explores his metrosexuality as he tells the Dallas Morning News about his favorite skin products.

  • “Nobody likes dry lips. To keep mine kissable, I use Aveeno Essential Moisture Lip Conditioner”
  • “To keep my cheeks kissable, too, I opt for Aloe Soothing Day Cream.”
  • “After running the court, it’s always nice to have a foot massage, then a little maintenance with Farmhouse Fresh Foot Scrubs in Sugared Maple. This stuff smells so good.”

ENOUGH ALREADY GO SMOKE A BLUNTG! Sheesh

Oh whatever, he was probably just stoned when he said that stuff….

Check the screen grab out. From Fox Sports, sure the headline is correct but read the article. The writer is clearly showing some Tebow love.

Click to read the story

Sam Bradford, who looks kind of like Luke Walton’s retarded younger brother, couldn’t hold Tebow’s scalpel. Foreskinless children everywhere are demanding both a recount and the return of their foreskins.

While Andy Kennedy may or may not have beaten a taxi driver, the 3rd Saturday in Blogtober clearly had the best headline about the story. Check out Kennedy’s mugshot, I swear he looks high.

Posted in Big Twelve Football, Boise State, Colorado Buffalos, Dallas Mavericks, David Hasselhoff, Josh Howard, Mike Tyson, Tim Tebow, fatass, ole miss rebels | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »