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Archive for December 31st, 2008

I wish my high school athletic trainer was like this one

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 31, 2008

First picture: No, yes...I refuse to believe that's the same person.

Was your high school athletic trainer like this one? Chances are its doubtful. I have a confession to make: the title is little misleading, I didn’t have an athletic trainer in high school :( . I attended a private Christian school (stop laughing damn it); don’t get me wrong we played sports, but the trainer was also the coach.

Meet Hope Jacoby, 23, an athletic trainer at Tustin High School (Calif.) who was arrested recently on suspicion of engaging in sex acts with an underage boy, the lucky bastard. See? I told you that your athletic trainer wasn’t like this one. She was just doing her part to get the swelling down. Isn’t that what trainers are supposed to do?

I’m sorry. This is serious. We need to track this student down, and give him his Luckiest Boy in America medal right away.

Per the Los Angeles Times:

Hope Jacoby, 23, who has worked with athletes at the school for the last year, was arrested last week on suspicion of oral copulation of a minor and unlawful sex with a minor, said Orange County Sheriff’s Department spokesman Jim Amormino. Sheriff’s deputies were informed of the unlawful acts by someone who saw a text message photograph, Amormino said. The boy was between 14 and 17 years old.”

I know what some of you are asking yourselves “Well, does she have a Myspace page?” Why yes, yes she does. And according to her bio on myspace she is a bi-sexual drug dealer. Karma can you say Hope?

“About me: Let’s see. there’s a lot to tell…maybe. My names Hope ~I love goin out. Im a huge fan of the hug. I hug all my friends, and think its an important way to say hi and bye. If I dont hug you, I probably dont like you. Either that or you make me totally nervous, so I wont do it. I believe in karma, however i also think that no matter how good of a person you are, bad things are gonna happen to you. I like hanging out with guys cuz they’re a lot easier to talk to. They don’t like drama, and neither do i. ~I may come off as full of myself, but i promise it’s a front. I don’t have the highest self-esteem, but i don’t think i’m a bad person either. It’s a weird position to be in. Wow this is long. stop reading.”

I love the line: I like hanging out with guys cuz they’re a lot easier to talk to.

Isn’t it kinda hard to talk with a 14 year old penis in your mouth?

A MySpage that is so cluttered with shit it practically gives you a seizure just from looking at it? I find that hard to believe. She seemed to forget to do the kissy-face pose in her mug shot. For shame.

In the great sitcom tradition I may have to go undercover as a high school student to get to the bottom of this.

Personally, I think it says a lot about a person when they have a lot of pictures of themselves taken in the bathroom mirror on their MyFace page.

And none of its good.


Note to self: hot women who admit to having low self-esteem = happiness

Posted in Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Have you ever orchestrated a ten game turn-around…ON WEED?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 31, 2008

Ricky Williams didn’t like my Christmas gift I got for him this year. That bastard! You know I decided to get Ricky a gift this year because he has been an outstanding player this year and to help celebrate the Fins incredible turn around, only to have it returned to me with a note saying “Not funny dude.”

Maybe this will help Trent Green forget all about those concussions.

What if, like, the dolphin’s helmet had another dolphin wearing a helmet…and that dolphin’s helmet had a dolphin wearing a helmet…and so on, and so on. Man, I feel so insignificant.

It’s funny, I don’t remember using that bong and yet I have visions of hearing “Chad Pennington” and “NFL MVP” in the same sentence, and not as a joke.

Posted in Chad Pennington, Marijuana, NFL Football, Ricky Williams, bongs, drugs, mary jane, miami dolphins, pot | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A Zamboni + Alcohol = DUI Fun!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 31, 2008

I’ve done a lot of crazy and stupid stuff in my life but I swear I have never stolen a zamboni and driven it drunk. Adam Patterson of Portland, Maine has apparently has done just that, which makes me very envious.

Patterson faces drunk driving and burglary charges are the Portland Po Po found him outside the Cumberland County Civic Center just sitting on top of the zamboni while being “extremely” drunk.

The police allege that the civic center appear to have been broken into. Come on can he actually own a zamboni? No? Well alrighty then.

Grand Theft Zamboni > Grand Theft Auto. That guy’s my hero. Anyone who’s ever spent much time in rinks knows the Zamboni driver is drunk and/or high 24-7 anyway. Fat, Drunk and Driving a Zamboni describes just about every Zamboni driver I’ve ever seen.

See? Something interesting happens in Maine. Of course this is once a year but never mind that.

Posted in Dead Drunk, drunk, dumbass | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »