Jim Leyland's wife was going to host an All-Star Game party but he requested a nice, peaceful night at home. Translation: he wants to do it. 9 months ago
USA was Eliminated By Croatia In Davis Cup Quarters. This is utterly shocking news to those who had no idea the Davis Cup was even going on. 9 months ago
Remember how people were mad when Stallworth got 30 days in jail for DUI manslaughter? He was released after serving 24 days. 3-day weekend! 10 months ago
ESPN is creating a UK-based channel. If "First Take" ends up on the schedule, this could destroy the NATO alliance. 10 months ago
Toronto Argos receiver Arland Bruce decided he'd pay tribute to Michael Jackson after his first TD by taking off his pads and playing dead. 10 months ago
Have any questions, hate mail, private comments, cease and desist letters, story ideas, death threats (that will be published) or tips? Then drop us a line at
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Writers Wanted
If you would like to be a writer for this blog, guest blogger or have an opposing view point in the form of a story to balance things out, e-mail it in. And yes you can make fun of Tennessee.
I’ve concluded that Roger Goodell is just a grumpy old bastard In the video above you see the Jets’ Shaun Ellis “playfully” throwing a freaking block of ice snowball at fans, who by the way, started it by throwing snowballs at him and his teammates. In Philadelphia they would have thrown a sleigh right back in Ellis’ face.
Favre threw a snowball into the stands but it got picked off. Of course Goodell fines Ellis ten thousand dollars, apparently only NFL sanctioned snowballs can be used for post-game fan splattering. Plaxico would have found a way to drop that snowball on his leg.
While Georgia Tech’s new offense was taking the ACC by storm, the GTG’s were showing their support while rapping and standing on their Honda Accords at the same time. You can sometimes catch them at the Taco Bell drive-thru as well.
Though the song was impressive it fails to beat “Boats and Hos” that was featured in Step Brothers.
Georgia Jumbrotron, pre-game: Larry Munson’s voice over 100 years’ worth of Bulldog highlights
Georgia Tech Jumbotron, pre-game: These two assjockeys singing about Paul Johnson’s vagina over computer-generated beats.
Somebody is about to get separated from their lunch money.
With this being the week of Christmas it’s just a fair warning of not to expect too much from us this week.
Joel has a family which comes first and I have to drink a lot of bourbon and play Santa and the mall. (I’m just kidding about the Santa part) HO HO Hell!
Another South Carolina coach says “Screw you guys I’m going to Tennessee!” South Carolina strength coach Mark Smith has accepted an offer to join new Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin’s staff in the same capacity. Smith is considered one the best in the business and here is a collection of before and after pictures of Smith’s work.
Eric Berry can potentially kill someone now; it’s scary to imagine that boy any bigger.
It’s King Kiffin’s Kourt and don’t you forget it! King Kiffin attended the Tennessee basketball game this past Saturday and was asked about upsetting God Spurrier and loser interim Raiders coach Tom Cable with the recent coaching hires.
“I don’t really care,” Kiffin said Saturday. “I got a job to do in our athletic department and that’s to put together the best staff we can put together and the best players we can put together. I’m not really concerned about that stuff.
“If Steve’s concerned about my test, I got 39 out of 40,” Kiffin said, responding to comments made by South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier about whether Kiffin had passed the required NCAA recruiting test before contacting prospects. “I’d like to see what he got.”
Boom….headshot….I love it.
The photo above validates my desire to become a NFL referee. Garth DiFelice lays to wood on Saint Louis Rams Kenneth Darby with Tyson like precision. Who knew DiFelice vs. Darby would have more clean shots than Holyfield vs. Valuev?
Also Oakland showed that they have some life left in them. Not that I care but I wanted to use this picture.
Pacman makes it rain without showing remorse. This chick made it snow and is a crying mess, however she can sweep up the floor. She apparently set off the fire alarm during finals week at Okalahoma but I think she crying over the fear of Bob Stoops losing yet another BCS bowl game.
Don’t forget your dignity while you’re sweeping there, honey. I think I saw it over there by the dust bunnies.
Police in Montgomery, Alabama took down a prostitution ring yesterday that netted 7 sluts and 3 white trash pimps. Good job!
While looking through the mug shots picture 8 really stands out. It’s name is Leslie Parker and it’s obvious she’s a Bama fan! RTR!
She’s just trying to get paid by any means necessary… one might call her behavior “Saban-esque”. She may only charge a dollar but she feels like a millionaire. RTR!
Rammer Jammer, Skank goes to the Slammer
She looks like the looks like the bastard child of Jeremy Shockey and Molly Ringwald. Let me guess. You take her home to your wife/girlfriend and your better half automatically feels better about herself…right?
The jerseys are actually a form of “prostitution code”. For example, the Johns are supposed to sport something from the University of South Carolina.
Well many have whispered it in the past and now it’s coming full circle. Dan Hawkins the head football coach for Colorado is officially delusional. Even though he has yet to post a winning season in the three years he’s been at Colorado, Hawkins predicts a 10 win season for 2009.
It’s division 1 football!!! Classic meltdown but now looking at the aftermath such as that prediction I pity him.
Nude cheerleaders + cell phone = the best paragraph ever written in The State Journal.
But first let me explain the situation: Apparently at Harding Middle School in Steubenville, Ohio, there are some nude photos of the school’s cheerleaders. Somehow…someway the perverted janitor, Mr. DeSimone, has them on his cell phone. Of course being a custodial engineer he shows great common sense and judgment by showing the photos to other students.
All that leads us to the funniest paragraph written in the history of mankind!!!
We are learning that all four of the pictures were naked cheerleaders exposing their tops. Detectives said that after confiscating his phone, it has been sent away and is under going testing to determine how the pictures got there. Decimone was suppose to be in court yesterday, but his attorney did not show up.
Things like this never happened when I was in school. For one, janitors couldn’t afford cell phones, and we liked it that way!
Tank top, necklace, backwards visor....so Hasselhoff is a Gators fan?
Are you getting all excited about the Las Vegas Bowl? No? Well if I told that David Hasselhoff will serenade the National Anthem to the Morons, would you be more enthusiastic?
It’s a step up for the Hoff, who is usually singing to Morons.
He really needs to be a spokesman for NutriSystem so he can loose some of that weight. Also, to punch Boomer in the face.
Good God Mike Tyson got fat!!!! He did it. He finally ate Lennox Lewis’s children.
Forget street cred, it's all about Cosmo cred now. Wait until Josh breaks out the old NBA short-shorts because they accentuate his calves more
Remember Josh Howard? Instead of being famous for his basketball skillz, he’s more famous for admitting he smoked pot in the off-season and then followed that up by saying negative things about the National Anthem last September.
Now however we can get to know the more gentle side of Josh as he explores his metrosexuality as he tells the Dallas Morning News about his favorite skin products.
“Nobody likes dry lips. To keep mine kissable, I use Aveeno Essential Moisture Lip Conditioner”
“To keep my cheeks kissable, too, I opt for Aloe Soothing Day Cream.”
“After running the court, it’s always nice to have a foot massage, then a little maintenance with Farmhouse Fresh Foot Scrubs in Sugared Maple. This stuff smells so good.”
ENOUGH ALREADY GO SMOKE A BLUNTG! Sheesh
Oh whatever, he was probably just stoned when he said that stuff….
Check the screen grab out. From Fox Sports, sure the headline is correct but read the article. The writer is clearly showing some Tebow love.
Click to read the story
Sam Bradford, who looks kind of like Luke Walton’s retarded younger brother, couldn’t hold Tebow’s scalpel. Foreskinless children everywhere are demanding both a recount and the return of their foreskins.
While Andy Kennedy may or may not have beaten a taxi driver, the 3rd Saturday in Blogtober clearly had the best headline about the story. Check out Kennedy’s mugshot, I swear he looks high.
This would have been posted earlier but I kinda sorted screwed up and forgot to send Joel the bowl schedule. Yeah, my bad, I’m a dick. Whatever. Anywho let’s go over this year bowl schedule and mine and Joel’s picks and then you call your bookie.
This year there is a smorgasbord of crap-tastic games to choose from! Yay!
Non-BCS Bowls
EagleBank Bowl When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN Where: Washington Who: Navy vs. Wake Forest
Joel says: Anchors aweigh. I really wish Navy would have beat Notre Dame again this year. Wait, this is a real bowl game???
Thomas says: I pick Navy because I’m sick and damn tired of hearing how the Wake Forest is so good. Blah blah blah. Is this bowl game being funded by any of the bailout money by the way? Read the rest of this entry »
Emanuel “Gun Charges” Cook, the talented strong safety and South Carolina’s leading tackler for the past 2 seasons, has been ruled academically ineligible for the Outback Bowl.
Maybe the stupid tag shouldn’t apply here, you see Cook simply quit going to class and while there are academic advisors who take the tests for tutor the “student athletes” and report any problems to the Ole Ball (Sac) Coach (wink wink nudge nudge), apparently someone failed to do so in this case, or God Spurrier simply chose to ignore it. After all this is the same coach that whined because some of his recruits were too stupid to even gain admission at one time.
Several of the Gamecock faithful are questioning just how long as this gone on. Mainly because of the comments Spurrier made regarding this situation with Cook.
“It’s disappointing that he did not think of his teammates or his university. It’s not hard to pass six hours. But he didn’t put much effort in, it appears. And that’s why he’s not playing. And it appears, right now, he’s played his last game.
He tossed it in midway through (the semester) from what I understand,” Spurrier said.
He had 6 SEMESTER HOURS to pass? Six? That’s all? Why that’s only around 2 flipping hours a week. My question is if this has been happening since the middle of the semester then how in the hell was he playing? At least Fulmer and other coaches suspend players for a game or two when they don’t go to class. Oh wait…that’s because they also seem to find out when their players fail to meet the standards regarding class attendance. Apparently Spurrier can’t say that same.
Another question I have is how long until E Cook’s gun falls out of the waistband of his sweatpants and fires a bullet into his leg?
Update 12/19/08
Apparently Cook isn’t the only stupid player, offensive lineman Kyle Nunn could not pass the pathetic 6 semester hours and the academic status of Dustin Lindsey, who actually flunked out completely once before three years ago, awaits a word on his academic appeal. In other words he re-colored his picture and kept within the lines this time.
-Kid wakes up at 6:30 am, thus killing any dreams of having a lazy Saturday morning. A feeling suddenly comes over me, telling me that today will not be a good day for the home team.
-I almost lose my little girl at the park around 10:30 am. I now feel like a “Father of the Year” candidate. I took my eye off of her for 5.8 seconds to answer my cell phone & she was gone. Luckily, she walked over to the mounted cop’s horse. Instantly, I was relieved and told her not to give the horse candy. We didn’t want to end up like Kenny from Half Baked.
-Watch the Memphis Tigers give the game away to Georgetown in OT. They need a point guard in the worst way.
-Kentucky beat Indiana, thus killing my sweet Billy Clyde/Hoosiers I had thought about. Bastards.
-Got into it with the better half. Guys, always remember that women, although beautiful creatures, are mean and vicious when they choose to be. After arguing, it was couch duty for me. Life sucks.
-I found out Candace Parker married that monkey looking Duke boy, thus killing my dream of me and Candace…wait,I am already doing couch duty. Let me shut up.
America’s favorite puppy killing football anti-hero, Michael Vick, is now one step closer to becoming the quarterback for the Detroit Lions.
According to his attorneys, Vick, could I mean COULD be released to a halfway house in the near future. While the attorneys are not giving a specific date of release or what area in the country the supposed halfway house is in, I for one welcome Mr. Vick into my community after all it’s not everyday that a former NFL QB is bagging my groceries at Kroger.
I will happily tip Mr. Vick my standard of three dollars and maybe that will relieve some of the expenses he has occurred in attorney fees since he decided to finance a dog fighting operation. It’s too bad he is being forced to sell his shit like boats and I mean really, really expensive boats at that.
Note the sarcasm in the above paragraph because I’m laying it on pretty freaking thick!
How much is a copy of “Making Toilet Wine For Dummies” anyway? That could have purchased a lot of soap-on-a-rope.
“The day he went to jail, Michael Vick bought a $99,000 Mercedes…He gave $28,000 to the mother of his oldest child. He paid a public relations firm $23,000 and gave a friend $16,000[...]
From Aug. 27, 2007, the day he pleaded guilty in a Richmond federal courthouse, until Nov. 19, the day he bought the new Mercedes before reporting to jail, Vick shelled out $3,627,291.”
To be fair, Vick can’t catch a break. The guy unselfishly does his part to stimulate the economy and all people (like me) does is shit on him. Even his cellmate. Especially his cellmate!!
I can’t wait to see him be less effective than Daunte Culpepper in the future or maybe he’ll be a Raider…that would almost be a perfect fit. That is of course he can convince Goodell to “misremember” the whole dog fighting thing.
That’s right! I is back! I’ve been silent this whole season while Saint Saban the Behr reincarnated racks up victory after victory. The reason for my silence is mainly because I’ve been doing a stretch in the state pen or as my fellow Bama boosters like to say: scouting for new football recruits. RTR!
First let’s talk about my bestest friend in the world Mr. James Fail, a fellow Bama booster. After all the millions of hard earned dollars that was earned through moonshine and cock-fighting that Mr. Fail has given to the BUSDGP (Buy us some damn good players) fund, Bama has officially named the visitors locker room “The Fail Room.” RTR! I also call my bedroom the fail room but for other reasons.
Strangely enough, another donor’s donation resulted in the renaming of Saban’s office. The Donor’s name is James J. HolyShitThat’sALotOfMoneyI’llTakeTheJob… Jr.
Hopefully someday I’ll get that outhouse in the west end zone named after me. Also this is coming just after Mississippi State renamed its stadium “LOL Field.”
Now on to the evil plan Auburn has that concerns assassinating Saint Saban. Everyone knows this plan won’t work…but it almost did. Reports are flooding in that Saban’s ribs are sore from laughing at the fact that Gene Chizik has hired as the Auburn coach. RTR!
Nice try Auburn but it didn’t work.
Speaking of Auburn I see the services of former offensive line coach Hugh Nail are not wanted in college football. Hugh has taken a job with a trucking company. RTR good buddy! I’ll stop by later today and exchange some crystal meth for a hooker.
Congrats to Urban Meyer’s daughter, Nicki on receiving a scholarship from Ga. Tech. Here’s a piece from the Rivals write-up:
“Always being the new kid, Nicki often was asked to switch positions to fill whatever holes were left open.”
Have any questions, hate mail, private comments, cease and desist letters, story ideas, death threats (that will be published) or tips? Then drop us a line at
ymswwc@gmail.com
