Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for January, 2009

No we haven’t forgotten about the Super Bowl

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 30, 2009

Yes! The Super Bowl is finally here. Now I realize that this is the Holy Grail of days when it comes to football fans but oddly I view it as a solemn day because it marks the end of football season. Oh sure there’s the Pro-Bowl bit come on that’s a joke.

When Joel and I started making our picks he picked Tennessee out of the AFC and I picked Pittsburgh. We both picked the Panthers from the NFC and oh boy was we wrong! Now I did pick Arizona to beat Atlanta however I figured Philly would devour them.

No one can explain why Arizona got on the hot streak like they did and became the newest NFL media darlings, but that’s what makes sports so much fun isn’t it?

That's something that usually results in a restraining order at Larry Fitzgerald's house.

In case you were wondering you start celebrating the Super Bowl by joining Jared from Subway in an internet chat courtesy of ESPN. Who would win a cage match between Jared and the “can you hear me now” guy? God knows when I think of football and the Super Bowl Jared from Subway is the first name I always think of. The ShamWow guy must not have been available.

Onto our picks

Joel says: Steelers by 10. Kurt Warner will be drawing Jesus pictures into the sunset & Leinert will QB the Cardinals back to their rightful place of ineptitude next year…

Thomas says: I firmly believe that the buzz saw known as the Arizona Cardinals has become dull during this 2 weeks of non-football hell. That being said I believe Pittsburgh defense will control the game for the most part. Steelers by 14.

Something tells me this woman's physique does not match that of the woman in the tattoo

Posted in Arizona Cardinals, NFL Football, Pittsburgh Steelers | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Mascot ejected, the coaches fight at the end…somewhere in here there was a basketball game played

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 30, 2009

In case you missed the Tulane-Rice game and most of you did, you missed a very entertaining collection of unfortunate events.

First off the Rice mascot, Sammy the Owl, get ejected from the game for head butting the ref. Check the video at the 1:39 mark.

It’s rumored that his post-game statement was “They knew what I was when they hired me.” Hoot does he think he is anyway? In the owl’s defense, the ref wouldn’t shut up about licking tootsie pops.

Next let’s move the end of the game where Kevin Sims went coast-to-coast and scored the game winning lay-up. Tulane coach Dave Dickerson was understandability happy and high fived some of his players before taking the time to shake hands with the Rice coaching staff. That upset the Rice coaching staff and a melee ensues. Lovely…check the 1:23 mark on the video.

Posted in Conference USA, Fights, Mascots, Rice Owls, Tulane Green Wave | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I almost feel sorry for Tony Romo…yeah that will pass

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 29, 2009

It's so nice of Jessica to show us the "mom pants" part of her spring collection.

Is this the fairytale relationship that everyone envisioned or is Jessica is one bag of pork rinds away from being the plucky trailer park gal that shacked up with the local quarterback?

On Monday Jessica Simpson performed at the 99.9 Kiss Country 24th Annual Chili Cook-Off in Florida. As you can see from the above photo….she ummm ate a lot of chili. Oh hell let’s just say it, she got fat!

Could Jessica’s sudden weight gain be the reason Tony Romo sucks so much. When he throws one of his many interceptions is he emulating Brett Favre or thinking about Jessica’s fat rolls and her fall from hotness grace?

Whatever the reason one thing is for sure: I’m no longer jealous of Romo banging Simpson. And to make you even more disgusted…here are a few more photos of Miss Piggy Jessica in XXL mode. She has transformed from the sexy kind of tight end to an actual tight end.

Posted in Dallas Cowboys, Jessica Simpson, NFL Football, Tony Romo, fat chix | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Tennessee has supermodels cheering for them, yes it’s great to be a Vol

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 29, 2009


That’s right, model Marisa Miller was at the Tennessee game last night just to cheer for Tennessee’s own Emmanuel Negedu.

To make a long story short, Marisa Miller and her husband Griffin Guess had previously met Emmanuel Negedu when he was still in high school and promised to come watch him play so last night they honored that promise.

“It was really great to see him,” Guess said. “I think he’s grown about an inch and put on 10 pounds. He looks good.”

Psshhh dude look at your wife…she looks better….

“I think the atmosphere will be exciting,” Miller said. “I just hope I don’t embarrass Emmanuel by cheering too loudly.”

I can’t wait for the picture of a sweating like a horse Bruce Pearl giving her a hug. He might need some Dial for his “mansuit”.

So the Tennessee basketball team has supermodels cheering for them and the Alabama basketball team has….well…people like below cheering for them.

Posted in Bruce Pearl, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Pearl Jam, Rocky Top, SEC Baseball, Supermodels, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Well…that didn’t last long (I love it when I’m right)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 28, 2009


Wake Forest students rush the floor after defeating Duke 01/28/09

Just like I said yesterday…Duke would fall in a relative short time after achieving the #1 ranking in NCAA basketball. I just finished watching Wake Forest beat Duke in what was perhaps the best game I’ve seen all season.

The final score was 70-68 and the Wake Forest student section reminds me of that chubby girl in that Blind Melon video…God I hate that song.

Posted in ACC Basketball, Coach K, Duke Blue Devils, Wake Forest | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

No! Neither David Beckham nor I have time for a f*$king photo!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 28, 2009

For the record I do not play soccer and the only time I bother watching soccer is when it’s on the TV at this amazing Mexican restaurant that buddy and I frequently visit. That reminds me, yo J let’s do lunch this Saturday. Even though I’m not a soccer fan I do know who David Beckham is or as I like to call him, Mr. Posh Spice.

Like dwarf tossing and Tony Romo, it seems having your bodyguards perform the smack down on the paparazzi is one fad that will not go away. Apparently soccer God, Mr. Posh Spice enjoys partaking in this fad.

Beckham is currently playing for A.C. Milan in Italy where he might be hiding out after the season is over. While he was in Los Angeles last month he allegedly had his bodyguards beat down a photographer named Emicles Da Mata while at a stop light.

In the photo above we see Beckham’s bodyguards explaining either Mr. Posh Spice believes having his picture taken will steal a small piece of his soul or he is still on the fad of beating up the paparazzi because he hasn’t discovered the newest fad sweeping America, the Wunder Boner.

Apparently the police obvious became involved but it seems Da Mata shook the whole incident off by telling them that he’s going to sue Beckham.

And what do you know Da Moto did what he said & filed a lawsuit in L.A. County Superior Court. Hey this is America man, the land of the lawsuit.

“We just found the lawsuit, filed last month in L.A. County Superior Court, in which Emicles Da Mata claims on December 7, 2008, he had stopped his car on a Beverly Hills street when Beckham reached through the driver’s window and grabbed his camera and attempted to wrestle it from him. Da Mata was holding the camera at the time.

The lawsuit claims Beckham’s bodyguard — also a defendant — then beat him repeatedly, grabbed the camera and threw it in a trash can. The picture on the left shows two of Beckham’s bodyguards on top of Da Mata.”

So Beckham has his goons rough up a photographer and he gets sued for it, but Pacman Jones arranges one little shooting and it becomes a “criminal matter.” *Sarcasm*

With a name like Emicles, you’d think he’d grown used to random beatings while growing up.

Whatever the case, I can relate to Mr. Posh Spice about this situation. I’m old school so what might be called a fad to some means it’s a lifestyle commitment to me. Besides these photographers are always following me around and getting in my way. Of course if you believe that I have photographers hounding me then I have some beach resort property in New Orleans to sell you. :)

Then again judging from this photo below…maybe Mr. Posh Spice has other things to worry about….


Posted in David Beckham, LAPD, Lawsuit, Paparazzi, Posh Spice, Smack Down | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Cheikh Samb: Faceplant Victom

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 28, 2009

Cheikh Samb receives one free poster, courtesy of Brandon Roy and Greg Oden reinjures his knee and breaks a hand dreaming of that dunk.

Today we spell redemption R-O-Y  (You have to watch Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy to get that)

Posted in Faceplant, Los Angeles Clippers, NBA, Portland Trailblazers, Slam Dunk | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The Coach is fired, Diane Sawyer approves but Dallas Academy…you still got your butts whipped

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 27, 2009

Dear graphics department of ABC News: if your goal was to make me feel even more pity for the girls of Dallas Academy. Well then, mission still not accomplished.

And the fallout over the 100-0 ass beating continues….apparently The Covenant School believes Jesus would be a little more merciful. Micah Grimes, or Grimey as I like to call him, taught us that a man can triumph over adversity and loss his gainful employment at the same time.

This past Thursday apparently officials from The Covenant School went the Dallas Academy to apologize. They apologized for having a superior team which beat the hammered the Dallas Academy to a resounding final score of 100-0

I asked the simple question: What would Jesus do? And I got a lot of good replies which is unusual since other than a select few are usually to intimidated are so awe struck by my awesomeness to open your pie holes.

The Covenant School also published an apology on their website:

The Covenant School, its board and administrators, regrets the incident of January 13 and the outcome of the game with the Dallas Academy Varsity Girls Basketball team. It is shameful and an embarrassment that this happened.  This clearly does not reflect a Christ-like and honorable approach to competition. We humbly apologize for our actions and seek the forgiveness of Dallas Academy, TAPPS and our community.  The school and its representatives in no way support or condone the running up of a score against any team in any sport for any reason.  The school’s board members, Head of School Kyle Queal and Athletic Director Brice Helton have acted to ensure that such an unfortunate incident can never happen again.

Covenant school officials have met with and personally apologized to Dallas Academy Headmaster Jim Richardson and Athletic Director Jeremy Civello and wish to extend their highest praise to each member of the Dallas Academy Varsity Girls Basketball team for their strength, composure and fortitude in a game in which they clearly emerged the winner.  Accordingly, The Covenant School has contacted TAPPS and is submitting a formal request to forfeit the game recognizing that a victory without honor is a great loss.

Well this didn’t set to well with Coach Grimey who posted the following on his own web site:

In response to the statement posted on The Covenant School Website, I respectfully disagree with the apology, especially the notion that the Covenant School girls basketball team should feel “embarrassed” or “ashamed”. We played the game as it was meant to be played and would not intentionally run up the score on any opponent. Although a wide-margin victory is never evidence of compassion, my girls played with honor and integrity and showed respect to Dallas Academy. We honor God, ourselves, and our families when we step on the court to compete. I do not wish to forfeit the game. What kind of example does it set for our children? Do we really want to punish Covenant School girls?  Does forfeiting really help Dallas Academy girls?  We experienced a blowout almost 4 years ago and it was painful, but it made us who we are today. I believe in the lessons that sports teach us.  Competition builds character, and teaches us to value selflessness, hard work, and perseverance.  As a coach, I have instilled in my girls these values. So if I lose my job over these statements, I will walk away with my integrity.

Well Coach Grimey’s response to the apology has prompted The Covenant School to can Coach Grimey. But hey he still has his integrity.

Meanwhile at the Dallas Academy batcave…the eight girl team of 100-0 losers gets to meet Diane Sawyer and was on Good Morning American yesterday plus they are now the media’s new loveable losers. That’s right Chicago Cubs…you have been replaced…losers.

Dallas Academy girls, portrayed as lovable losers on the court but winners in life for their attitude after the loss, have been showered with praise nationally. They’ve were on ABC and CBS network morning shows on Saturday and are scheduled to make a repeat appearance on ABC’s Good Morning America on Monday as well as their Today show debut.”

So what are the lessons here? I mean this team got beaten soundly…and even cancelled the rest of their league games because of it. However since they have proven that they’re not very good at basketball they get to meet people like Diane Sawyer and get doted on as if they have special powers. The coach of the winning team gets fired for NOT telling his team to try their best.

I realize that this is a time when every kid gets a trophy or star for “trying” but what lessons have the Dallas Academy kids really learned? To fire The Covenant School coach is a serious overreaction in my humble opinion.

Is it possible that the way the story has been blown out of proportion the real reason why Coach Grimey was let go? After all about 3 years ago The Covenant School girl’s team lost a game by the score of 82-6; this really isn’t that much different.

If this guy got fired, Bob Stoops should probably be strapped to a rocket and sent into space and the truly remarkable thing is that Isiah Thomas is not involved someway in this fiasco.

Thus is the state of the “everyone is a winner” culture. It makes me sick. Why is there such a departure from winners and losers? This is teaching kids that they are entitled to something even when there performance is lacking. I realize that one team far outmatched the other, but that should be a lesson to the losing team that there are times in life when someone else is better. If you aren’t learning you aren’t living.

Despite all of this adulation, the team will face some form of punishment when they are inevitably handed an ESPY previously awarded to Jason McElwaine.

Posted in Ass Whipping, Dallas Academy, Micah Grimes, The Covenant School, WTF, fired | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Lock up the women and children, Duke is #1 again & Jay Bilas approves

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 27, 2009


Yes, it’s that time again. It’s time for Duke to be #1 in the polls and the imminent fall from grace is near. For the time being maybe, just maybe, Duke can get some respect from Dick Vitale. *Sarcasm*

The reason I’m writing about Duke is to help keep Coach K from whining. See when they were ranked #2 Coach K whined about not being recognized for being the #2 team in the country. (For the record I like Coach K even though he has the kind of face that begs to be punched. but I hate Duke)

“I don’t even think it was mentioned in the newspapers here that we were No. 2 in the polls,” he said to reporters recently … “I know it’s not that big here,” he said of Duke’s success, “but it’s pretty damn good. So when this group makes No. 2, it’s a new group, they should be celebrated for doing something good.”

Sure we’ve all traveled down this path before. In the ’08 season Duke went 22-1 before they hit a bad stretch of loses in February and March. Before that in ’07 Duke started out 13-1 and then the season fell apart. In 2006 (the last time they ranked #1) Duke was on fire going a blistering 27-1 then they met LSU and that was that.

So maybe this Duke team is different or maybe not so please forgive me for having doubts Coach K. After all it feels like we have all seen this movie before.

Posted in ACC Basketball, Coach K, Duke Blue Devils, Jay Bilas | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Michael Vick, Chickens & You

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 26, 2009


As most people know I have zero love for Michael Vick or anyone else who abuses animals for that matter. That’s just how I roll. Now that Vick is in a halfway house and is looking to get back in the NFL, PETA is again stepping in requesting that Vick undergo some physiological testing and a brain scan.

When Vick was convicted in ’07, he enrolled and participated in PETA’s sensitivity training and little did I know until recently, his results are online on PETA’s website.

Vick scored a 73.5 out of a 100. One thing I can say for Vick is his handwriting is way neater than mine. However his answers are both surprising and well amusing.

Vick obliviously loves chickens. I do too especially when it’s fried.

Here are some quotes from PETA’s “Developing Empathy for Animals” test that Vick took.

  • “Chickens have an uncanny ability to think and are very agile. They are very athletic to me”.
  • Vick describes the sadness that elephants feel when “visiting the grave site of another family member…rubbing the bones with their trunks and…crying out in grief”. He also writes about the “deer who wouldn’t leave his mate and took a [bullet] for her” and the “piglet who went after the drowning little boy in a story I read. Now that’s heroic”.
  • Vick describes the golden rule as, “Do on to others as u want them to do on to u” (instructor’s note: “right”). He states he can apply it to his life by “showing [animals] that I care and accept them (as long as the feeling is mutual)” (instructor’s note: “not right”).
  • “My Aunt Tina own[ed] a Rotti named Tico. Once my aunt and her boyfriend Wayne [were] having an intense fight. Tico couldn’t get into the house and thought my Aunt Tina was in danger. She jump[ed] through a glass window and pin[ned] my Aunt boyfriend Wayne to the ground just growling until my Aunt called her off. Now that’s loyalty.”

The real question is if the chickens have respect for Michael Vick.

Coming this summer…Bad Newz Chicken Coop.

I’m against Vick playing in the NFL again but I also can’t stand PETA as well. So that being said, I gotta say, if you are going to apply the golden rule to animals and elevate them to the same moral status as man, Vick’s interpretation of how it should be applied has some merit.

So fuck you, Mr. “Not Right” instructor, and go find me some pictures of naked vegans.

Posted in Michael Vick, NFL Football, PETA, Ron Mexico, classless, dumbass, pitbull | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »