Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for January, 2009

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Excuse me you just stepped on my head

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 26, 2009

It wasn’t that long ago when MTV was actually showing videos and the few shows it aired were for the most part worth watching. One such show was titled Daria, that show cracked me up. One of the phrases that are said during the opening music was “Excuse me you just stepped on my head.”

Let’s forward some years forward and we have Chase Budinger of the Arizona Wildcats saying something similar to Houston’s Aubrey Coleman. For the record Houston was leading in this game until this incident happened. Of course Houston wound up losing the game.

Coleman was ejected from the game and appears not to be that upset over it. Note to Aubrey Coleman: try not to indulge your inner Chris Simon too much. There’s a reason the guy’s playing in Siberia these days…

Also is it just me, or has Chase Budinger been in college for 8 years? Is he going to be a doctor or something?

Posted in Arizona Wildcats, ESPN, Houston Cougars, MTV, NCAA Basketball, dumbass | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Would Jesus score 100 points on a team of “challenged” high school girls?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 23, 2009

There might be something seriously wrong with that one girl's leg.

Imagine you are a coach of a Christian School’s girl’s basketball team and the team you coach is about to play, is a team of girls that all have a learning disability of some sort; would you allow your team to score 100 points? What would Jesus do?

Would Jesus make sure the final score was 100-0? Yeah, I’m serious 100-0.

CRAP! I had Dallas Academy and 99 points.

The game in question apparently took place on 01/13/09 between The Covenant School & Dallas Academy. The final score was indeed 100-0 in favor of The Covenant School leaving Dallas Academy to withdraw from league play for the rest of the season.

“We just said, ‘The hell with it,’ ” said Jim Richardson, Dallas Academy‘s headmaster.

No offense to anyone here but…is that the lesson you want to teach the players? The lesson being we got out asses kicked so we quit. I don’t think so.

Texas executes people for less than this, right? The Dallas Academy gals should get to stone Coach Grimes but, of course, they would miss.

Of The Covenant School has offered an apology…sort of.

In a brief e-mail statement Wednesday evening, Covenant coach Micah Grimes called his team’s 100-point total “unfortunate.”

“It just happened, and we are not happy about that,” Grimes wrote. “Please know Covenant intended no harm against them. I see this as a real learning opportunity, so we can prevent this from happening in the future.”

How are you going to prevent it from happening again? By only scoring 99 points? Seriously this is that opportunity: [hoopsu.magnify.net]

I’m having a problem here. Even though the Dallas Academy team is a couple midgets and one Dennis Rodman away from total irrelevance, does that mean that they should be shown mercy? And is it fair to a better team not to play to their full potential?

Again what would Jesus do?

Come on The Covenant School they’re only young girls and just because they’ve shown an interest in sports, there’s no need to call them the Lady Bulldyk – Bulldogs. Oh, I am terribly sorry.

Fortunately the headmaster of Dallas Academy has re-thought things and scheduled some games that are out of the league they just quit.

In what might be a classic rivalry brewing Dallas Academy played Cambridge School of Dallas. The bulldogs of Dallas Academy sadly lost with a final score of 41-8.

Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any worse, they go and do something like this…and totally redeem themselves!

Normally I relish in the destruction of lesser talent but this is a school for girls with learning disabilities, or ‘tardation as it’s called in these parts. Grimey probably didn’t need to play the starters the entire game but I wouldn’t crucify them for it either.

But what do you think? If you were the coach of The Covenant would you tell your players not to play their best?

Comment and let me know.

Posted in Blowout, Crazy Women, Dallas, High School Basketball, Jesus | Tagged: , , , , | 11 Comments »

The Pittsburgh Penguins sign an 8-year old?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 22, 2009

jacob

Yes it’s time for a feel good post again. Yesterday the Pittsburgh Penguins signed an 8-year old boy to a contract. No they aren’t following the recruiting methods of Billy Clyde Gillespie who frequently offers Kentucky basketball scholarships to eighth graders. No, this one is special.

Meet Jacob Anderson the newest member of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Jacob has cystic fibrosis, a devastating lung condition are unfortunately doesn’t have a cure. With player scouting help from the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Greater Pennsylvania, the GM of the Penguins was able secure Anderson’s signature on a dollar contract.

“Never ever do these types of things happen on a game day,” Penguins spokeswoman Cindy Himes said. “But this is a very special occasion, so we made an exception.”

Jacob is genuinely happy to be a part of the team and to get his locker.

“Jacob helped equipment manager Dana Heinze and assistant manager Paul Defazio sharpen skates and tape up hockey sticks before heading onto the ice for practice.

His face pressed to the glass, Jacob watched the players send pucks flying around the ice. Left wing Matt Cooke scooped his new teammate into his arms and skated around the ice with him. “

This was a great move by the Penguins, very classy, and it really shows that some people will still make a difference in this world.

Since 1980 the Make-A-Wish Foundation has granted wishes to children with life threatening conditions. To find out more about the organization, visit their website at Wish.org.

I wish every team was as awesome as the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Posted in Hockey, Make-A-Wish Foundation, NHL, Pittsburgh Penguins | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pacman Jones is getting sued? You don’t say

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 22, 2009

Well, here’s a shocker. Pacman Jones is being sued, except this time he is being sued by some stripper; no instead he’s being sued by his own attorney.

“Manny Arora claims Jones stiffed him for fees “in excess of $10,000″ on 18 different cases in which Arora represented either Jones’ family members or friends.

None of the cases mentioned in the lawsuit filed in Fulton State Court involve Jones directly.

The suit lists Deborah Jones, James Jones, Lewis Kueffor and Fleming Daniels as the defendants Arora assisted. The charges against them vary from speeding to kidnapping, simple battery and, in the case of Daniels, murder.”

The bottom line is this:

You are the company that you keep.

That’s why Pacman had so much trouble during his career; he might not have been raised to know any better and was unable to leave that life behind. When someone with that kind of background gets money this is what sometimes happens.

Some people don’t know when they have it good. Given the opportunity to do something that you do well and enjoy, and to have the opportunity to accumulate wealth that would make living that much easier, how can you mess that up? How can you not see what you have going for you? You can’t blame your present situation on your past upbringing because these are choices and if you did not come from “easy street”, then you should appreciate your success that much more. To say the least, his career may be over. After what ESPN Outside The Lines showed  clearly that Adam Jones does not get it.

Word of advice to this attorney…if Pacman wants to meet you at a strip club to talk things over, don’t go.

Posted in Adam Jones, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, NFL Football, Pacman Jones, court tv, legal troubles | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The effects of the Super Bowl Shuffle on young minds today

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 21, 2009

I think I speak for the majority of people when I say this is the most moronic things I’ve ever witnessed. These douchetards lost by 11 at home to Creighton.

Next up, watch the Braves dance the Charleston! And then they’ll go flagpole sitting and see how many Bradley students they can fit in a phone booth!

I’ve assuming M-V-C stands for the “Moronic Video Contest.” Even Eddy Curry thinks that’s gay.

Everyone involved with the making of this video just leaped to the top of Bradley’s “Infamous Alumni” list.

Posted in Bradley Braves, WTF, YouTube, dumbass | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

More reasons as to why the 2008 Dallas Cowboys are genuinely failboats

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 21, 2009

family-fued

As if we need to point out why the Dallas Cowboys are the most overpaid failboats in this year’s NFL, a new report has surfaced that points to one person and it isn’t TO (surprisingly).

According to the Dallas News there are reports of tardiness, lack of respect, crappy coaching and lastly there are Tony Romo’s horrible practice habits. I’m sure there are some Romosexuals that are in a tizzy now!

And I didn’t even mention that fact Tony Romo was continuing to be an industrial grade turnover machine.

According to five sources, several offensive players lost respect for [offensive coordinator Jason] Garrett for his failure to corral quarterback Tony Romo in practice. Romo, sources said, often forced throws in practice and often did not treat practice work consistently.

The quarterback’s practice habits were so bad, sources said, that they affected the way he played in games and could have factored into the offense’s problems.

Sources said Owens was upset that Romo directed more passes at tight end and close friend Jason Witten as opposed to the other receivers who he deemed open. Owens has declined to discuss that issue.

I for one, I am shocked. You’d never suspect discipline problems watching TO scream at Romo on the sidelines and the head coach looking like he just awoke from a coma.

However the last paragraph does indicate that maybe TO might have had a point a few months back. Of course this reports also states that well TO never really showed up on time to meetings so can you take him seriously?

Owens was a repeat offender in being late for team meetings, sources said. With the Cowboys needing to defeat Philadelphia to reach the playoffs in the season finale, Owens was late for a Dec. 23 meeting, citing traffic problems two days before Christmas. Owens declined comment on his tardiness.

Scrip clubs, Ed Werder, and Jessica Simpson obviously contributed quite a bit as well. There is only one move to make now Jerry Jones…Sign Michael Vick. He’s got the rap sheet you’re looking for AND the inflated ego, perfect.

Then again this Dallas Team reminds me of the 1995 Dallas Cowboys…oh wait they won the Super Bowl that year…never mind.

dalls-anti-star

Posted in Dallas Cowboys, Evil Empire, Jerry Jones, NFL Football, T.O., Terrell Owens, Tony Romo, failboats | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Andy Kennedy has lost that loving feeling

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 20, 2009

You may recall that not to long ago Mississippi Basketball Coach Andy Kennedy was arrested for allegedly for putting a beat on some Cincinnati taxi cab driver. Since then Kennedy has strongly denied this claims and even went to far as to file a deformation of character law suit against the driver and his witness.

When he filed this lawsuit my first impression was “Good because I don’t blame him.” Now this case has taken a stranger turn. It seems that the litigation involving this case has caused him so much undue stress that he can not perform his husbandly duties that involve his wife, Kimber.

Kimber alleges that when she boxed out, Andy wouldn’t post up. Meaning Andy just can’t take it to the hole anymore.

Wait a Kennedy with a libido problem why that’s unnatural! So unnatural that she has filed suit against the cab driver and his “witness”, some valet-driver.

“Kennedy’s wife sued that cab driver and a valet driver who backed his claims to police and the media, saying their accusations had harmed the couple’s personal relationship, including their sex life.

Kennedy, who was in Cincinnati as the head coach for the University of Mississippi, was charged Dec. 18 with misdemeanor assault after police said he punched cabbie Mohamed Jiddou while shouting racial slurs at him after leaving a downtown bar.”

The think this case is brilliant legal maneuver! If this works then I’m signing up for E-Harmony and if I don’t get laid, then buddy watch out because I’m so suing them!!!

Of course there’s always the possibility that Kimber’s milkshake doesn’t bring Andy to her yard anymore or maybe Andy just can’t “get up” for games anymore. Talk about the coach making her ride the pine…sheesh.

I see a sponsorship from Cialis in the near future.

Posted in Andy Kennedy, Cialis, SEC Basketball, legal troubles, ole miss rebels | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Nothing says marital bliss like a STD, just ask Dwyane Wades’ spouse

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 20, 2009

Divorce proceedings generally bring out the worst in two people. There are bitter feelings, broken hearts and sometimes a nasty custody battle to be fought. Apparently Charles Barkley’s former Fav Fiver is experiencing something similar.

In May 2008, Dwyane Wade filed for divorce against wife Siohvaughn. They have two children together, age 5 and 1. Recently Siohvaughn issued a nasty little laundry list that claims Wade gave her a collection of STDs. Somewhere there’s an Eddy Curry joke to be made.

In legal papers, she alleges he abandoned his children, committed adultery, and infected her with an unspecified sexually transmitted disease. She wants the names of ”all of his sexual partners” during their six-year marriage.

Dwyane, named a ”Father of the Year” in 2007 by the National Father’s Day Committee, has gone ”months” without seeing his boys, Siohvaughn says. His ”failure to spend time with them . . . has resulted in the children at times being afraid of him; in fact, Zion . . . does not recognize or know Dwyane.” She wants sole custody, and support.

She also says she has suffered ”grievous physical, emotional and mental injury” from the STD, diagnosed in the fall of ’07. (The infection is not HIV or a ”killer thing,” sources say.) Dwyane and his ”paramour or paramours” are liable, she alleges.

Well…alrighty then! I’m glad the STD isn’t a “killer thing” because if I ever entered a NBA fantasy league Dwyane would be the first player I would choose. Seriously even a blind man can see this is bullshit however I’ll play along for the sake of being funny.

Giving a woman an STD is like giving them one of those “Wine of the Month” club memberships as a gift. Every month, there’s something new to check out in your box.

Dwyane Wade’s Fave 5…STDs:

1. Syphilis
2. Gonorrhea
3. Genital Warts
4. Trichomonas
5. Hepatitis B

If these allegations are true, it would be the first documented case of someone from Wisconsin having a disease other than diabetes and hypertension.

Hopefully there will be a happy ending for all parties involved once this mess is over with and Valtrex prescriptions will be filled.

Posted in Dwyane Wade, Herpes, Miami Heat, NBA, STDs, divorce court | Leave a Comment »

Just in case

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 19, 2009

the_evil_snowman_by_beloved_creature

As a FYI, the weatherman for the area I live in is reporting ice and snow for tomorrow. I’m not that worried about it but if you do not see any new material for tomorrow then it means I’ve lost power due to ice snapping a tree branch that hit a power line or some screwed up crap like that.

Mother Nature is a fat old bitch.

Posted in WTF | Leave a Comment »

The Gruden Firing, it was a Mercy Firing

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 19, 2009

nba_a_gruden1_sw_576

When Tennessee was still searching for coach many rumors surfaced around Jon Gruden. Oh the message boards were full of Vol fans saying that their “inside sources” had Gruden in as a lock. Then (not so surprisingly) Gruden announced that he had no interest in the Tennessee coaching job.

Now some 2 months later, Gruden might be regretting not taking a closer look at that position.

Last Saturday shock waves were sent through the NFL when Tampa Bay announced that Jon Gruden is out as head coach and Raheem Morris was named the new head coach. Morris had been the defensive coordinator since…um Christmas.

After examining Tampa’s numbers since Gruden took over as coach, I’m not that surprised that he was fired. A lot of people keep looking back at the Super Bowl season and asking why was he fired. As a fan I can tell you why: That was Tony Dungy’s team that won the Super Bowl.

Tampa Bay never averaged more than 23 points a game in a season and for four of the seven seasons Gruden was there, they didn’t average 20 points per game.

  • 2002: 21.63 ppg
  • 2003: 18.8 ppg
  • 2004: 18.8 ppg
  • 2005: 18.75 ppg
  • 2006: 13.19 ppg
  • 2007: 20.88 ppg
  • 2008: 22.56 ppg

In a cruel twist of fate, this past season was Tampa Bay’s most offensively productive season. There were other factors that involved his firing.

  • 9-18 in the month of December
  • 45-53 after the Super Bowl
  • 1st round losses in the playoffs in 2005 & 2007

Tennessee might have indivertibly been the final nail in the Gruden coffin by luring Monte Kiffin, the main reason for Tampa’s defensive dominance, to become defensive coordinator and working under his son.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Jon, but his firing shouldn’t be that surprised once you analyze the numbers. What’s strange is that Herm Edwards and Marvin Lewis haven’t been fired…yet.

I’m going to miss poor Chucky, loved hearing the F-Bombs he’d be dropping during the game that the sideline audio would pick up. He was always very amusing to watch, and read his lips.

Somewhere, hooked up to an iron lung, Al Davis is attempting to laugh. Only laughing will accelerate his death. And Al Davis is hell-bent on never dying.

aldavisgrantorino

Posted in Al Davis, Jon Gruden, NFL Football, Tampa Bay Bucs, fired | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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